Author: Sara W.

First Friday Find: This Is Why I’m Broke

~ Sara W. ~ 2 Comments

Sometimes I wonder if my husband and I should both write on this blog.  I use so many of his ideas and suggestions in life.  He’s a fun guy to have around and I thought this month’s First Friday Find should be another fun site that he’s told me (and most every guy he comes in contact with) all about.  The site is called ThisIsWhyImBroke.com.  They refer to themselves as the Internet’s Mall.  My husband likens them to the Sky Mall magazines you can peruse on an airplane, except for this is at your fingertips on-line.

It’s similar to Pinterest in the sense that the site is a collection of product links that lead you back to the original seller.  They’re constantly updating the site with the most random things.  I can’t tell you how many times my husband has started a conversation with, “I saw this cool thing today on This Is Why I’m Broke….”  He’s right though, there are some pretty cool things on there.  Of course, there is also a lot of junk and overpriced stuff as well.  I thought I would give you a taste of the top five products that piqued my interest on their page of newly posted items.  This way you can get a glimpse of how widespread their collection really is on the site.

Herb Stripper

Hat Brim Clip-on Light

It’s no wonder my husband checks the site regularly.  I found myself continually scrolling to check out all of the cool gadgets and gizmos.  I think I may need to get my hands on the Herb Stripper myself.  It would help during all those times when I realize I want to add cilantro to my salad at the last minute.
Hope you enjoyed this month’s First Friday Find!  Be careful not to go too broke when checking out the site!
Continue reading…

Parenting is Hard

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

As mentioned in a post I wrote last year, Living a Life with Laughter, my family and I love to utilize our TableTopics at the dinner table.  Most of the time we sit down to the questions when we have guests over, but sometimes we use them for our simple family dinners.  One family dinner a couple months ago, the question came up, “What’s the toughest thing you’ve ever had to do?”  A couple answers that crossed my mind were, “Having to say goodbye to my Mom and dealing with my depression.”  Both of those options sounded a little too deep for my young children.  Then, the real answer hit me – being a Mom.  I shared my answer and my husband responded, “Isn’t that supposed to be the most rewarding thing?”  I agreed with him and clarified that motherhood was, in fact, both the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.


Then, I got to thinking about this quote I read by Matt Walsh, a blog writer, who wrote, “Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.”  I know this statement to be true based on my inner dialogue alone.  I have all these ideas and opinions about what parenting should consist of and yet implementing those ideals is near impossible at times.  My optimal day of success in parenting involves healthy well-balanced meals, limited to zero screen time, reading, outdoor play time, a dance party, snuggle time and a solid bedtime routine that ends at a decent hour.  However, a realistic day in successful parenting consists of all three meals making it in front of my children, a change at some point during the day from PJ’s into real clothes, and a bath before bed.  See the difference?  I’m looking at that optimal day scenario and wondering if such a day has ever existed in our home?  I’ve taken pieces of each element of that day, but I don’t know that I’ve ever managed to pull off a day with all of those criteria met.  Parenting is hard, it’s that simple.  Anybody who tells you otherwise isn’t doing it right.  You caught the irony in that last sentence, right?  Please tell me you caught the irony.

We still do it though, don’t we?  I’m not talking about the parenting part here, I’m talking about the opinion portion of Walsh’s quote.  We still have our opinions.  I know I do.  Like I said, I have opinions for myself on the matter, not just others.  There are two things though that I’ve learned about my opinions on parenting.  First, the moment I’m convinced that my child-rearing will not produce the toddler heathens that I’ve witnessed at the park or grocery store, is the moment my child turns into said toddler heathen.  Second, for the times that I’ve had an opinion on a child whom I’ve known and taken the time to genuinely speak with the parent, I am always humbled about how much effort they have already been putting in to the well-being of their child.  Sometimes I get this idea that if the parent would just do x-y-and-z, then the child’s behavior would improve, only to find out that x-y-and-z was attempted years ago along with a hundred other ideas to help their child with their specific need.  It’s so easy to have an opinion from afar, but there really is no perfect formula in raising a child.

I think the lack of a solid formula in child-rearing is exactly what qualifies parenting as the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.  It’s the miracle that sometimes my parenting ideals will result in success.  Then being wise enough to realize that the techniques that proved successful with one child will not necessarily work with another.  This is where I find that prayer is the most crucial tool in parenting.  Nobody knows your child better than our Father in Heaven.  Not the wisest of scholars nor the most adept physician.  Nobody.  If there is any opinion you’re looking for on parenting, I suggest it be the opinion that comes through prayer and understanding that is individualized for your sweet child.  Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of valid opinions out there to help raise a well-balanced child.  But don’t count yourself a failure the moment your kid acts out like the heathen toddler you feared or you let them have candy and then go to bed without brushing.  I remember when my eldest was born, I was feverishly reading the book On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the GIFT of Nighttime Sleep.  I was convinced that if I did everything the book told me, I would have the perfect sleeper.  I started to get anxiety over the matter and was constantly referencing this book to make my every move.  It was getting ridiculous.  The irony was that there were portions of the book that encouraged the reader to follow their instincts.  It took me over a month to have a little faith in myself and throw the book aside.  The moment I realized that Baby Wise’s idea of the perfect formula was not full-proof, was the moment I learned there is no perfect formula at all.  However, if by chance such a formula exists in parenting, I imagine it looks something like this:  Love + Patience = Enough.  Now, good luck trying to sort out all the opinions offered up on what each of those words equates to in thought and deed when it comes to parenting.

Lastly, before you go thinking I’m anti-opinions, know that I’m quite the opposite.  There is much to be said for opinions on parenting.  I have benefited a hundred times over from the suggestions of other parents who have paved the way before me.  I have just also learned that sometimes you can read the entire book front-to-back and still come to the conclusion that it needs to be thrown aside and followed by prayer.  So, let me reiterate, parenting is hard and anybody who tells you otherwise isn’t doing it right.

Continue reading…

Stop Comparing and Reclaim Joy!

~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments

I’m a little late writing a post this week, but it is for a good reason.  I had the pleasure of celebrating my eldest’s 8th birthday and throwing her a wild animal party with her friends this week.  Note to Self: Hosting a birthday party with 20 kids will physically and emotionally drain you as a six-month pregnant woman.  Whew.  Survival was only made possible due to my better half being there to help every step of the way.  Hooray for helpful husbands!


Each time one of my children turns a year older, I reflect on life as it was around their birth.  Birthdays have a tendency of making us reflective that way.  Particularly when it comes to children, we think about growth and development.  I saw this quote by author and artist, Doe Zantamata, that seemed fitting to share this week, in which our family celebrated my beautiful daughter’s birthday.  Zantamata wrote on her blog The HIYLife, “If your parents ever measured you as a child, they had you stand against a wall, and made a little pencil mark on the wall to show your growth.  They did not measure you against your brother, or the neighbor’s kids, or kids on TV.  When you measure your growth, make sure to only measure your today self by your past self.”  I needed this reminder as much for myself as for the healthy raising of my children.

Just this week, as I was attempting to make my daughter’s party cupcake tops look like zebra stripes using chocolate sprinkles on top of white frosting, I stood there comparing myself to others.  To be precise, I said out loud to my husband, “If my Mom could see how poorly I was doing this, she would be rolling over in her grave.”  My husband, in his kindness said, “If your Mom was here she would be playing with the kids or dipping these strawberries in chocolate and would not be fussing over your cupcakes.”  I smiled at the idea of my Mom actually being there and how she would be too busy helping to critique.  Don’t get me wrong, my Mom had her thoughts on such matters, but she was never one to compare.  Of course, my self-bashing still continued as each cupcake seemed to get worst and worst.  I began mumbling negative thoughts under my breath and starting to plot my submission to the Pinterest Fails, as surely another woman out there had done this better than me.  They really looked nothing like zebra stripes.  The chocolate sprinkles were just too big to pull off the idea I had in mind.  My husband suggested that I just skip the striped plan and make them black and white.  Done.  They actually looked much better after his suggestion.  But the thought occurred to me, would I have been so hard on myself had I not thought of what my Mom was capable of in the kitchen or the myriad of amazing results I’ve seen on Pinterest?  The cupcakes somehow became more acceptable when I just looked at them as my personal offering to the party guests versus the end product of all marvelous things created by others in the kitchen.  It was amazing how much better I felt once I let go of my urge to compare myself to others.

Unfortunately, that’s what the natural part of me does.  It’s the same with this blog.  As I’ve mentioned before, I struggled to start such a blog based on the mere fact that others out there write better than me.  My logic told me, “what’s the point in writing at all, if others can do it so exceptionally well?”.  Even worse, I’m certain I do it with my kids too.  I make a conscience effort not to do it, but if I can get caught up in a cupcake decorating frenzy, I have got to be doing this to my kids without even knowing.  My two girls, with only two years between them, seem to constantly be in a struggle with what each of them has and does not have.  I fear I may be adding to it.  While my husband and I are constantly telling them that it’s most important to be themselves, as Everyone Else is Already Taken, I may very well be comparing them merely in just how I discipline them.  I cringe at how many times I have said to my eldest, “How is it that your sister who is two years younger can listen and follow directions, but you can’t?”  Ugh.  It’s embarrassing to even type such things, but I’m an impatient and an imperfect woman and these things happen in our home.  I don’t condone them, but still they happen.  I would never let my girls speak to themselves the way I sometimes speak to myself.  Nor would I let them compare themselves to any other kid.  Yet I seem to do comparisons naturally.  Any chance I can place some blame on being taught how to do Venn Diagrams as a kid?

All joking aside, comparing yourself with another is an ugly habit and it begets ugly feelings.  I find that most all of my moments of discouragement and disappointment are rooted with my actions of comparisons.  Not comparing my today self with my past self, but comparing myself with others.  Come to think of it, the last time I had a good cry-fest (these happen more frequently while I’m pregnant) was last week when I was sitting comparing my life without having my Mom around with others who still get to have their Moms around.  I even wrote a post on Over The Big Moon entitled Because of Him about working through the process and letting go of my “have not” attitude.  Oh vey, Readers.  I think we may have a bigger beast on our hands than I realized.  This issue really is just as Theodore Roosevelt stated, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”

I don’t want to rob myself nor my children of such joy.  I’m praying that my heightened awareness of this matter within myself and in our home will help me to eradicate it.  As always, I invite you to share your insights and suggestions in the comments section.  Obviously, I have much to learn.  I see and understand all the drawbacks that come from comparing ourselves to others.  That part I know.  But how do you stop from comparing yourself to others and comparing your children with other children when it seems to come naturally?  Is it as simple as Bob Newhart says in one of the most hilarious bits I’ve seen regarding therapy?  Do I just STOP IT?!

Continue reading…

Facing Our Fears

~ Sara W. ~ 2 Comments

Last October, I had written a post on Over the Big Moon regarding fears and how to cope with them.  In case you did not have a chance to read the post at the time, I wanted to take a minute and share it here on First You Must Begin.  It’s a post to address fears of all shapes and sizes; from the deep dark ones that we specifically try not to think about for fear of a self-fulfilling prophesy to the less typical fears such as hornet stings, scurrying mice, and ants in our pantry.  The latter being a fear that has plagued me since growing up in my childhood home where it seemed we lived on an ant hill.


A few years ago, I brought my fear of ant infestation up during one of my therapy sessions.  The therapist sweetly reminded me of my size versus the ants.  A good point, for sure.  But what actually has helped me cope was a question she asked me that day: What’s the worst that can happen?  I told her all the things that I dreaded about an ant infestation in my home – the vulnerability of knowing they’ve invaded my space, the food that has to be thrown out, the clean-up process, the potential laundry that has to be washed, and the possibility of them crawling on me.  All of these things still give me the heebie-jeebies.  My therapist listened and then calmly suggested that most of those issues were merely inconveniences and that an exterminator visit could put most of my concerns to rest.  She’s right.  Ants in my home will not result in World War III.  So, why allow myself to escalate to the point of paralyzing fear?

I am fully aware that my therapist’s question is not a cure all for every fear.  But for the fun of it, let’s put the same question to the test for my daughter’s fear of bees and hornets.  An honest fear for her to have based on the fact that she received three hornet stings and two bee stings in the course of one month last summer.  All of the stings came when she was doing nothing to provoke them.  She just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, fives times.  So, what’s the worst that can happen?  My daughter would say that the worst that can happen is that she gets stung again.  But that is not the worst that can happen.  The worst that can happen was what she started to do.  She started to fear going outside and avoided opportunities for trips to the park.  That’s the worst.  She let the bees and hornets take away her freedom to play outdoors.

These examples of fear are on a smaller scale, but I often wonder how much fear could be laid to rest if we merely asked, “What’s the worst that can happen?”  Again, I’m not trying to put this question to the test with true tragedy and trauma, though it does work when I reflect back on even the hardest trials I have faced.  But how many fears could we overcome in a day if we tried to bring things in to perspective?

Perhaps we have a fear of speaking in public?  Or being seen without make-up?  Or someone coming over to our home only to find that we don’t keep it perfectly clean and tidy?  We have these fears that we’ve created for ourselves that just aren’t rationale or fair.  We worry about imagined judgments being made on us.  And in cases where the judgments may come, they likely would have come no matter how clean our home was, how perfect our make-up looked, or how refined we were in our speech.  We could all benefit from seeing the bigger picture rather than just that single situation.

Broadening my perspective has made a significant impact in re-evaluating even my darkest trials.  When I realized my Mom would die of Ovarian Cancer, I began to mourn her loss before she was even gone.  I would sit and sob over how I would not be able to function without her.  I was certain I would not get out of bed for days when the time came.  There was a point when I was spending more time hypothesizing about my level of devastation with her passing rather than enjoying the time I still had with her.  Thankfully, my husband pointed this out to me and I redirected my thoughts and started to more fully embrace my remaining time with her.  Then the time came and my Mom passed away.  My heart ached (and continues to ache) in ways that I had not experienced prior.  I’ve yet to find the right words to properly express the magnitude of my sorrow or the deep impact her absence has had in my daily life.  However, I kept (and keep) moving forward in faith.  After her passing, I never once failed to get out of bed.  Although, I admit, those first few months are still a blur.  What was the worst that could happen?  It happened.  My Mom died.  But, thanks to my faith, the worst that really happened is that I have to wait a little while and then I can be with my Mom again in heaven.

I survived through the passing of my Mom, my best friend.  It didn’t ruin me.  If anything, it made me stronger.  As is the case with every trial I have endured, they have all made me stronger.

I speak from personal experience that even the darkest of nights has a dawn. During a severe bout with depression, I spent a long while clinging to my couch thinking that somehow I could be safe from pain if I just staid there and slept. My anxiety increases just reflecting on this time in my life and my heart sinks thinking of all the lost moments of life fully lived.   I was doing, then, what my daughter was doing with her fear of bees and hornets. I was hiding.  What was the worst thing that could have happened in that situation?  It wasn’t hiding, though that was bad, it would have been giving up.  Had I given in to my fears of worthlessness, hopelessness, and despair, I would not be able to enjoy this incredible chapter of my life that I never dreamed possible.

I think fear is really the apprehension that comes from the unknown outcome of a personal struggle of any size.  I get discouraged, downtrodden, and fearful just like anybody else still.  But I have a friend that is sweet to remind me that, “[I] can do hard things.”  And she’s right.  I CAN do hard things.  And sometimes the hardest thing I have to do is not give in to fear nor give up on myself.

Continue reading…

$100 Visa Gift Card Giveaway

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

Button

As you may already know, I have the privilege of contributing on Over the Big Moon (OTBM) every third Sunday of the month.  It’s been such a wonderful opportunity to work with OTBM Co-founders, Pam and Lisa.  I am joining with them and their other lovely contributors to offer this $100 Visa Gift Card Giveaway!  This is my first giveaway here on First You Must Begin and I’m excited to report that I already have another special giveaway planned in the near future!  But before I get ahead of myself, take a look at the amazing contributors that have made this week’s giveaway possible!
OTBMVal Adrienne Lauren April LaTisha Sara Lyndi Amie

Now onto the giveaway!  Again, it’s for $100 Visa Gift Card and it’s open for everybody – US Residents and International Residents!  The giveaway will run from April 15th through April 20th at 11:59 pm!  Winner will be chosen Monday, April 21, 2014!   You have 20 ways to enter using the Rafflecopter below!  

Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Continue reading…

The Grass is Greener Where You Water It

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

The first time I heard the quote, “The grass is greener where you water it,” was from my husband.  He was saying it in regards to relationships, which was even more inspiring to me.  I had already known that I married a selfless man, but even after all the crud he has endured being married to a less-than-selfless woman, here he was still championing the idea of “watering our lawn.”  This is the type of man you want to marry and I’m so glad I did.

Since I heard that quote, it has resonated in my heart.  It’s a much more optimistic take than it’s “original” counterpart, “the grass is always greener on the other side.”  The biggest difference between the two quotes, as I see it, is accountability.  This matter of accountability is among the top lessons I want my children to learn.

COMMERCIAL BREAK:  Writing that last sentence actually makes me wonder – if I had to choose five, or even ten, principles I want my children to learn, what would they be?  And, am I doing my part to make sure they’re learning those principles at home?  Hmmm…something I should ponder.  Also, I would love to hear your insight on the most crucial principles our children need to learn.  NOW BACK TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING.

I think the main reason accountability is such a big deal to me is the mere fact that it seems to be a lost principle in our society.  I recall the lyrics of a Jack Johnson song called Cookie Jar released back in 2003 where the blame is continually placed on another.  Certainly, there are outside influences in our lives that play a role but we also need to take accountability for our part.

I have read countless stories of heartbreaking and horrific things that have happened in the news.  The thing that fascinates me the most is how people choose to move on from their given point.  The story of the Coble Family’s tragic event in 2007 haunts me as much today as it did back then when I was only a mother to one.  A mother to three then, Lori Coble, had taken her kids to a local mall that I myself attended frequently.  Lori’s own mother joined them on the venture.  Nap time approached and it was time to drive home.  Lori and her mom were in the front seat of her minivan while her three kids, ages five and under, were strapped safely in the back.  Traffic had come to an abrupt stop on the freeway, a freeway I often drove myself, and the big rig behind them was not able to stop in time.  All three children were killed.  The story is heart-wrenching, but I recall the touching remarks made by Lori and her husband, Chris, exemplifying their faith during the aftermath of their unimaginable trial.  While they were uncertain how they would even move forward from such a tragedy, I marveled at how well they did move forward.  Shortly after their loss, Lori became pregnant with TRIPLETS!  The Coble couple had lost a little boy and two girls in the car accident and here they were, just months later, expecting a little baby boy and two baby girls.  The triplets were born around the year anniversary of the death of the eldest three Coble children.  I wish I knew more of how this family was doing today.  My prayer is that the faith that it took for them to move forward in any manner is still a strong impact in their home.

This is just ONE of numerous stories where the victims chose to water their own grass.  I will add, and I hope this does not contradict my point, that they did sue those parties whom they felt were at fault for the loss of their children.  The action of accountability in this instance, in my mind, is that they did not, to the best of my knowledge, throw in the towel and become bitter and hopeless about their loss.  They did not use this tragic event as an excuse to lose their faith or give up on life completely.  They went forward trying to re-create the life they loved in the best manner they knew how.  They made an effort to replant their grass and water it accordingly.

Perhaps I can offer up a better illustration, and far less tragic, of what I’m trying to say.  There are parts of my childhood that I do not believe were healthy for a child to have to experience.  While I was not at fault for those circumstances, I would have been at fault for letting them define me or for allowing them to somehow excuse any poor decisions I made in my adulthood.  Had I allowed myself to place the blame on my childhood misfortunes for all my wrong doings, I feel I would have been doing myself an injustice.  Instead, I chose to seek help.  Perhaps I sought it later than I should have, but I did nonetheless and I’m grateful for it.  In attending counseling, I was able to make sense of the reality of my childhood.  While there are parts that I still deem to have been unhealthy, I feel no benefit comes from blaming.  I actually feel stronger having not placed blame.

Obviously, my own story pales in comparison to the horrific one that the Coble family experienced.  That’s not the point.  The point is that we have two options in life when a trial, of any magnitude, hits us.  We can choose to sit on our side and complain about our own lawn and feel resentment for the prettier (or perceived to be easier maintained) lawn on the other side or we can stand as proudly as possible and water our own lawn.

Whatever phase your “grass” is currently facing, it can become green again.  It may take some replanting on your part or merely some watering, but it can be done.  And, heck, if you find yourself in the fortunate circumstance of enjoying your own lush grass, perhaps shoot some water over to the other lawns that can use some refreshing.  A little “water” goes a long way and how beautiful the world could be if we all enjoyed the blessings of green grass.

Continue reading…

First Friday Find: True Facts

~ Sara W. ~ 2 Comments

I thought this First Friday Find for April was apropros based on my previous post Living a Life Based on Truths.  It is based on truth and it makes me laugh, which you may recall is a rarity lately.  My husband stumbled across a series of YouTube videos called True Facts.  Each video is less than 5 minutes and covers true facts about a particular animal.  The narrator is hilarious.  As a warning, I would give the clips a PG-13 Rating.  We don’t watch them with our kids around, but I don’t find it vulgar either.

To get you started in the right direction, may I suggest True Facts About The Tarsier and True Facts About The Mantis Shrimp?  There’s really not much more to share on this month’s First Friday Find, except for, “You’re welcome.”

Continue reading…

Living a Life Based on Truths

~ Sara W. ~ 4 Comments

I attended California State University, Fullerton (CSUF) in the Fall immediately following my high school graduation.  It was not my first choice, but it served me well and I’m actually quite pleased with having graduated from there with my B.A. in Communications.  Before entering the University, I hadn’t a clue what to major in nor what career path to take before I reached my ultimate goal of being a Stay-at-Home Mom.  While I did enjoy writing, it fell in the unattainable dream category, as I had no faith in my abilities.  With no real direction in mind, I decided to choose my major by default.  No joke.  I sat down to the list of majors available at CSUF and
crossed them off the list one by one until only one remained.  The result was Communications with an emphasis in Public Relations (PR).

As I began my courses, I was pleased with my decision.  However, the further I studied my emphasis, the less engaged I was in the curriculum.  That’s when I read the beginnings of a book called What Color Is Your Parachute?.  The book was originally written in 1970 and has been updated virtually every year since.  It’s basically a job-search manual.  While I did not finish it, the first few chapters were eye-opening.  I completed a series of exercises to help figure out which career path would best fulfill my unique interests and abilities.  You’d think this would be something I could have figured out on my own, but I struggled to understand my true self at the time.

Here I was preparing myself for a big career in PR and it turned out I wanted nothing to do with it.  Communications was still a fruitful major, but my emphasis no longer suited me based on the knowledge I gained from the above mentioned book.  I moved forward with my education plans, but I decided to change the direction of my job search.  Surprisingly, I had discovered that I genuinely wanted to be an Administrative Assistant.  The responsibilities of an assistant nurtured all of the aspects of my abilities and interests.  Certainly, the position did not offer as much praise nor prestige, but it was what I wanted to do.  Bear in mind, being a Mom was not probable at that early of an age for me and being a writer had still been pushed aside as not even being plausible in my eyes.

Now, I told you all of that, to tell you this – sometimes we get lost along the way and need to hold on to the concrete things that we know to be true.  I’ve been thinking about this more and more, as I’ve been struggling with the affects of my mood disorder in conjunction with pregnancy hormones.  Times have been tough for me.  Things that I would normally enjoy have felt dulled.  When I laugh, there is a part of me that says, “Oh, look, you’re laughing.  That feels good.”  I don’t think laughter should be a rarity.  I believe laughter is a necessity.  I mean, heck, I wrote a whole post on the importance of Living a Life with Laughter.  So, I’m sure you can imagine how disheartening it feels when joy evades you for no particular reason.  I’ve been here before, but it hasn’t made it any easier.  In fact, sometimes feeling this numbness and disinterest adds fear to my situation, as I am aware of how bad it can get.  Before you go worrying about me; don’t.  Just keep reading.

I’m gonna be okay.  I know this because I’ve learned that holding on to the concrete things in my life pulls me through.  During a particularly difficult time a few years back, I discovered a technique that helps me fight off anxiety.  I find that anxiety is usually a result of thinking excessively about the unknowns of life.  Unknowns can create a mess load of panic and worry.  I found that instead of obsessing over the unknowns, I could reflect on memories of my Mom or concrete things that I knew to be true.  For instance, I would ponder the tangible blessings in my life, such as my husband, my children, my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the roof over my head, etc.  The memories of my Mom might seem like a strange thing to contemplate during difficult times, but they are truths versus unknowns.  The truth is that I have several wonderful memories of my Mom that I get to look back on.  How much more joy can be found in thinking about the goodness of life than worrying about the unknowns?  Especially since oftentimes the unknowns are beyond our control.

Thankfully, anxiety is not the weight I am having to bear at this time.  My difficulty, as mentioned above, is enduring the numbness that overcomes me with no reasonable explanation.  This is where I think back on What Color Is Your Parachute? and realize that I find enjoyment and satisfaction in unsuspecting places.  I am a task-oriented girl, so I’ve learned that a task will help me through the day.  Of course, I never want to start the task, because who wants to begin anything when they’re down?  Am I right?  But a task helps me, so I strive to begin even when I don’t want to.  I also learned from the above mentioned book, that I gain fulfillment from organizing and planning things.  It somehow brings me peace to put things in order.  So, while I’ve been struggling to find purpose in my life, I’ve given myself tasks that suit these aspects of me that need fulfilling.  It may seem odd, but going through my digital pictures and organizing them into chronological folders can calm me down and lift my spirits.  That’s what I loved about this book.  It helped me discover that there were activities, though not outwardly rewarding, that brought me inner peace and happiness.

I think what I’m trying to say is that life is tough.  Sometimes it’s tougher than feels necessary.  I find that during these tougher times, it’s okay to take it easy and hold on to the concrete parts about yourself that you know will help.  It may not be glamorous.  The things that fulfill you and help you move forward may not be a big fancy PR job, it may be merely assisting someone else in their role.  And you may not spend every day out there taking on the world.  That’s okay.  Create a life that feels good on the inside; not one that just looks good on the outside.

I worked as an Executive Administrative Assistant for a few years before obtaining my dream job of being a Stay-at-Home Mom.  Ironically, being an assistant on an executive level proved to have more perks than I could have imagined, such as an all expense paid trip to Barcelona, Spain with my husband.  The role of mother turned out to be the more challenging, and simultaneously most rewarding, position for me.  The entire job of being a mom is built upon unknowns.  A world of unknowns that has led me to this wonderful opportunity to cultivate my love for writing and share my experiences with those out in the Internet abyss.

My writing may not look good on the outside, but it sure feels good to do it.  My role as a mother is chalked full of imperfections, but it feels amazing during those moments, like last night, when I finally helped my girls with their first cross stitch project that they have been begging me to do.  It’s not a prestigious life, but it’s filled with beautiful truths that I hold dear.  I have no idea when I’ll get some relief from this down cycle in my mood disorder.  In the mean time, I figure I’ll take it a day at a time and keep nurturing those tangible truths and activities that bring me personal peace.

May each of you find joy and fulfillment in the concrete things in your life and let go of the unknowns that can feel overwhelming and potentially lead to anxiety.  And, if you’re having a difficult time understanding the basic actions in life that bring you true fulfillment, perhaps it’s time to find out what color your parachute is and allow yourself to soar.

Continue reading…

Dear Readers, Thank You.

~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments
I genuinely enjoy writing, but that has not been the greatest joy that has come from creating this blog.  My greatest joy has come from the comments of others.  Whether they be the comments below the post, remarks left on Facebook, or people coming up to me and referencing one of my posts in conversation, they all brighten my day.  And while the kind remarks I receive are flattering, my favorite part is when I hear someone say, “I’m such-and-such-an-age and I’m still trying to figure this all out.”  I feel like this is one of the best things you can tell another person.  It’s an affirmation to one another that we’re not alone.  It’s each of your comments that reminds me how great the cause is of this blog.  How marvelous an opportunity we each have to embrace and nourish who we are in an effort to be the healthiest version of ourselves.  
On that note, I wanted to follow-up from last week’s post on Everyone Else is Already Taken and

add the sentiment found in this quote by Dita Von Teese: You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.  The irony of my love for this quote is that I hate peaches.  Even more ironic is that in doing my research to find out who said this, I discovered that Dita Von Teese and I have quite a difference of opinion on the matter of modesty.  I think that’s the most diplomatic way to say that I’m not a supporter of striptease shows.  So lets agree that she can be a peach and I’ll be a honeycrisp apple and we can each be the best version of our heart’s desire.

Speaking of becoming the best version of my heart’s desire, I also wanted to add another blessing I have received by writing these posts each week.  You’ll have to forgive me for this post being centered around myself, but I feel the need to express my gratitude for the gifts that have come from this venture.  Perhaps in sharing the positives that my “beginning” has afforded me will encourage others to begin their own passions.  This blessing that I speak of is the opportunity that each post provides me to rededicate myself to the messages within.  I am far from perfect and yet each week I get to come here and strive to be true to myself.  I have to look at the true beauty of my individuality whether I feel beautiful or not on that day.  I have to remember that I am a Daughter of God with purpose and worth.  And in writing these words, I need to practice these words.  I can honestly say that I struggle daily with so many of the topics I write about here.  But each week, I get to remind each of my readers, and in turn myself, how wonderful each of us are and the gifts that we each have to offer this world.

Thank you for the gift that you have offered me through your comments in reminding me that I am not alone in my efforts to be better with each day.  Here’s to being the ripest and juiciest version of yourself!

Continue reading…

Everyone Else is Already Taken

~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments

My eldest is entering an age where kids start trying to figure out where they fit in the world around them.  As with most kids, she gets teased from time to time.  I’m not certain it would be classified as bullying, but I do see the effects it has had on her personality.  Her instinctive response to such teasing is to take it personal, which I imagine is typical for a seven-year-old’s thought process.  From what I can tell, her next step in dealing with the situation is to conform to the teasers expectations of her.  This is the part that breaks my heart.  We express to her daily the wonderful girl that she is and that being herself is of the utmost importance, but it seems our words of encouragement get forgotten when she’s faced with opposition.

The troubling part for me, as her Mom, is that I only figured out how to embrace myself in the last decade or so.  Even then, I had slip ups where I would act differently around different people that had different expectations of me.  I touched upon this in my previous post A Cautionary Tale of Flattery so I will spare you the repercussions, but it never resulted well.  Nor will it end well for my eldest who tries to be sillier and funnier around these teasers in an effort to win them over.  Because, ultimately, when she tires of parading around, the teasing will return.  It’s an exhausting cycle.  A cycle that I spent far too many years allowing myself to be a victim on.  The worst part of all was that I did it unknowingly for so many years.  It was not until I met my husband that I realized that I could be me and that was enough.  Not only was it enough, it was somehow spectacular.

So, I ask you, dear readers, how do you encourage your children to be happy with exactly who they are?  Or, if you do not have children, how do you help promote self-worth in your own life?  I saw that a friend of mine has the saying, “Be yourself; everybody else is already taken,” hanging in her kitchen.  I know this is something I plan to remind my kiddos of, and perhaps myself, when necessary.

If I think about my own transformation into becoming comfortable being me, I realize that I still have to repeat little affirmations of reassurance to myself.  I also think of the years of therapy that helped bring me to the point that I am at today.  I’m sure I impart the knowledge I learned in those many counseling sessions without even realizing it, but sometimes I feel so ill-equipped to teach my children matters that I’m only now learning for myself.

I wonder though if a critical piece in helping our children feel comfortable being themselves, is teaching them that others can be themselves and we don’t all have to get along.  It doesn’t make either party less of a person if we don’t jive with one another.  In the case of the teasers that my eldest comes in contact with, I don’t think their actions are malicious.  Perhaps unkind, but not malicious.  My guess is that their manner of communication and connection is merely different from what my eldest finds enjoyable to be around.  In which case, I think it’s fine to suggest that she be kind when she works with these individuals, but also be okay in not nurturing such friendships that don’t allow her to be herself or uplift her.  My hope for all of my children is that in teaching them about Celebrating Differences, I can help them understand that being exactly who they are is the most beautiful thing they can offer this world.  And perhaps in cases where it may be difficult to celebrate differences, they, and we, can strive to understand differences and realize that boundaries are perfectly healthy.

So, I ask you again, what insight do you have to share on the matter?  I can’t tell you how badly I wish I could discuss this issue with my own Mom.  I’m desperately homesick for her as of late.  I believe she struggled greatly with these same insecurities and I would appreciate her thoughts right about now.    Honestly, I would just love to hear her say, “You’re doing fine, Sara Baby Girl.”

Continue reading…