Author: Sara W.

First Friday Finds: Voxer

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

This month’s First Friday Find isn’t anything terribly new on the scene, but there seem to be many who do not know of the app called Voxer.  It can be used on both iPhones and Androids and it has made my life easier and more connected in a world that is getting busier with less personal communication.  Voxer is basically a glorified Walkie-Talkie.

The app’s description can explain it better than I can: Voxer allows you to easily and instantly communicate with one friend or a group of friends.  Friends can listen to your message while you talk, or check audio messages later.  Forget about separate phone calls, voicemails, text messages, and e-mails.  With Voxer you can instantly send audio, text, photos, and share your location.

I have made several attempts to convince people of the benefits of this app.  Many of my friends have joined in the fun.  However, I’ve received several naysayers as well.  I thought I would address all the naysayers remarks with my own rebuttal.

Naysayer #1: If I want to talk to someone, I can just call them.
Rebuttal: Yes, but hardly anybody seems to call anymore.  Some don’t even pick up the phone when you do call.
Real-life Example: My friend has a sister that she rarely has a chance to talk with on the phone.  The sister had shied away from family since she did not feel like she was really fitting in with their expectations.  A phone call felt a little too intimidating.  My friend convinced her sister to get on Voxer.  The sisters are now communicating on a weekly, if not daily, basis whereas before they were not talking at all.  It’s a little less intrusive but still allows for communication.

Naysayer #2: I can just text someone.
Rebuttal: This saves you the cramped fingers from those long texts.  Plus, being able to hear the inflection in one’s voice omits all those texts where you can’t tell if someone is kidding or just really stinkin’ rude.  Lastly, though it’s not my preferred method of communication, texting can also be done within this app.
Real-life Example: My message gets across quicker and I can be the sarcastic goofball that I am without having to worry about hurt feelings or misinterpreted texts.

Naysayer #3: Isn’t it just like leaving a Voice-mail?
Rebuttal: How annoying is it to have to dial in to your VM?  Perhaps I’m just lazy, but I really hate having to go through the dialing and connecting process for a simple Voice-mail.
Real-life Example: I’m saving minutes and time!

Naysayer #4: I just don’t get the point.
Rebuttal: See Real-life Example below.
Real-life Example:  I am a Mom who is on the move.  Sometimes my friends and I get behind and we’re late picking up kids.  We quickly Vox each other and let the other adult know that we’re on our way.  I can send a Voxer to all of my girlfriends easily and let them know that I’m taking my kids to the park and all are welcome.  I can let my husband know that I’m getting gas really quick before I come home from my errands without having to connect my Bluetooth or pull over and text.  I can let a friend know that I am in the area and about to return something to them that I have borrowed so they have a heads up.  I can stay connected with my family and friends who live miles apart and oftentimes keep different hours.  This allows them to listen when they have a free moment and respond at their convenience.  Even more fun, my kids LOVE to leave messages for their friends.

Here’s the biggest reason I like Voxer though.  I think of loved ones in my life more times than they would ever know.  I may hear a song, remember a funny inside joke, or see a silly thing in a store that reminds me of them.  Half the time I have that thought and my friends and family never know they were thought of that day.  With the ease of Voxer, I’m able to snap a picture and explain why it made me think of them.  I’m able to give them an update on life that will not be showing up in their Facebook feed.  I’m able to quickly send a message of gratitude that might have otherwise gone unsaid.  We may say we’ll call, we’ll text, or visit, but sadly many of those actions don’t come to pass.  Voxer may seem like a poor substitute for other more personal communication, but when you’re not connecting at all, it brings more valuable connection than Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and texting combined.

Voxer brings a more real connection in a world that seems to be setting less time aside for face-to-face communication and phone calls.  You may prefer talking on the phone versus this option but, if the other end never picks up, then your preference is null and void.

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Be The Hero in Your Story

~ Sara W. ~ 2 Comments

Wow!  What a difference a week makes.  I just returned from my first cruise ever.  More amazing than that, my husband and I survived 15+ hours of plane travel with three young children.  One of those children being a 20-month-old with a cold.  It’s one of those experiences that you would put on your Mom resume if such a thing existed: Kept a cheerful disposition and patience under physical and emotional duress including, but not limited to, incessant screaming, clawing at the face, smacking, kicking, tears, and general tantrums.

It was all worth it though for the wonderful memories that were had with my husband’s family.  With family all over the United States, it’s a rarity to all be together at the same place and time.  Heck, it was a rarity for us to all be in the same place and the same time on the ship.  They keep you so busy with activities.  One of my favorite portions of the cruise though were the nightly shows.

On our second night on the boat, they had this live show called Villain’s Tonight! featuring Disney villains in a comedic revue-style performance.  It wasn’t my favorite of the stage performances we saw, but it had this line that struck me as poignant.

“Every story needs a villain or else the hero has nothing to do.”

Through my understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I have always understood that there must needs be opposition in all things.  This understanding has helped me to cope with bad things happening to good people.  Certainly, I am not wishing the worst of “villains” into anyone’s life.  I am more focused on the latter part of the line.  Opposition gives us something to do.  It gives us the opportunity to shine.

I didn’t feel like a hero at the end of our travels yesterday.  I felt completely depleted and defeated.  The flight on the way to our cruise was no different.  One of my son’s fits on that journey literally left me in tears.  But I survived both of these days of travel with little regrets on my own behavior.  I actually was laughing at the end of the final flight where my son screamed from the depths of his bowels for the final 35 minutes of a two hour flight on a puddle jumper sized plane.   I actually felt that I handled it as gracefully as I could considering the circumstances.  I don’t consider my son a villain, but rather the situation as being the villain.  And while I may have felt physically and emotionally spent, I was in fact a hero in that situation and my husband my trusty side-kick.

For years, I have been my own villain.  There was a hero within me hoping to do something beyond the mundane.  The problem though is that I let my internal villain convince the internal hero that there was nothing to do.  That’s a pretty convincing villain.  The worst thing you could feel is apathy.  Even anger can have a more positive impact than apathy in some cases.  While I have no concept of what pains African Americans have suffered throughout history, I imagine anger might have been one of the emotions Rosa Parks felt that day she refused to give up her seat on a bus in 1955.  Being fed up with the unequal treatment and taking action is what led her to become an icon in the civil rights movement.  The villain in her story was prejudices and she did something to become the hero.

The Villains Tonight! quote made me want to share the insight I had on looking at opposition as an opportunity to do something good, to be something better, to bring more light into the world.

As I type this post, I’m reminded of another hero; my nephew, Johnny.  He is a hero to me and so many others.  He is the unfailing hero in his own story.  He was born with Down Syndrome.  One of the biggest obstacles he has faced as a result of this genetic disorder is poor muscle tone.  Typical physical milestones were not met at the customary age for an infant and toddler.  But you know what?  My precious nephew has officially seen the rewards of his heroic efforts.  He took his first unassisted steps last week during the same week that he celebrated his second birthday.  Such an example to us all of what we can accomplish when we do something and push ourselves forward.  He endured countless hours of physical therapy and worked his way up to this milestone with the undying love and support of his parents, nanny, and so many others.  His parents, my brother and his wife, are also heroes to me.  They felt, what I am told is, the common mourning process of realizing that their child will not be typical only to find that the joy of being a parent to a child with Down Syndrome is a blessing beyond words.  They have given so much of themselves physically and emotionally into my sweet little nephew.  They are reaping all the rewards that come from being selfless; from being a hero.  They have this happy little face enriching their lives daily.

The villains in our lives do not take the form of a monstrous lady octopus or a crazed witch offering us an apple in a dark forest.  Our villains are the daily opposition we face in its most tumultuous and simplest forms.  Real life villains come in the form of illnesses needing to be fought, bills needing to be paid, addictions needing to be broken, hearts needing to be mended, responsibilities needing to be met, dreams needing to be obtained, children needing our patience and countless more. We have the opportunity to be the hero and to do something good rather than nothing.  I am choosing to be the hero in my own story just as my nephew has chosen to do so in his.

As a footnote, this month is Down Syndrome Awareness Month.  If you have the means to do so, I invite you to visit the National Down Syndrome Society’s website and donate to the cause.

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Acquired Tastes Not Required

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

A friend of mine recently gave me a CD to listen to with her favorite cover songs on it.  If you’re not familiar with a cover song, it’s when a music artist does their own rendition of a song that’s already been made popular previously.  Some covers are better than the original.  Others are not.

Most of the songs on this CD were covers performed by a duo named Tuck & Patti.  I can honestly say it was difficult for me to sit through the songs performed by Tuck & Patti.  As I was listening, I remembered that my friend’s husband had mentioned that his wife’s taste in music was weird.  I didn’t want him to be right.  I wanted to side with her.  Sadly, I couldn’t.

How do you break it to someone dear to you that you don’t like something they have given you?  I decided to not bring it up at all.  A week or so later, she asked me what I thought of the songs.  I’ve never had a good poker face and I hate to lie, so I fessed up that I wasn’t too keen on the music.  She seemed visibly heart-broken.  Not so much about the fact that I didn’t like it.  More of the fact that I didn’t see the beauty in it and that she and I didn’t share that bond.

I felt for her.  When I’m so in love with something, I want everyone to love it as much as I do.  The hope that if they gave it a try it would bless their lives in the same manner that it has blessed mine.  It doesn’t always work out in my favor.  Even worse, I sometimes have taken it personal; as though them not liking something I care so deeply about somehow implies that they don’t like me.

I was determined to give the songs another go.  My friend had expressed how a couple of the songs were her absolute favorite songs ever.  I could tell by her demeanor that these weren’t just any old song, these were meaningful and rich songs for her.  I listened a second time.

This time, I decided to listen as though I was my friend.  I was driving at the time, but I pretended that I was in the comfort of my home and I was alone in a room reflecting on the beauty and passion of the song.  I started to see it a little bit.  For a moment, I understood how she could find these covers powerful.  Then, out of nowhere, my natural instinct came back and I couldn’t handle another second of the song.  Sometimes you can acquire a taste for something.  Other times not.

Our life here in Oregon is an excellent example of differing opinions.  Our whole family instantly fell in love with our new hometown when we moved here late last year.  The weather, slower pace, strong community feel, and general splendor has swept us away.  I want all my loved ones to come move here so that they can enjoy the same blessings.  However, this weather and lifestyle is not for all.  I need to remember that.  I wonder if we sometimes spend more time trying to be salesmen rather than listeners.

COMMERCIAL BREAK: When I was 19, I applied at GAP for a sales position.  The woman took my application and informally asked me a couple questions.  One of those questions was, “Why do you think you’d be a good fit to work at GAP?”  My response, “Because I won’t force anybody to buy what they don’t want to buy.”  Epic fail.  I knew it the moment I said it.  Worst answer ever for a sales position interview.  NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING.

Maybe we’re not salesmen, but rather judges?  Do we spend too much time thinking of why our likes and interests are better than others?  Or worse, do we like what pop culture tells us to like for fear that our own ideas will be mocked?  Certainly, I’m old enough now to not feel that pressure.  I don’t imagine our youth today are afforded that same luxury.  I recall a friend confessing to me, when we were teenagers, that she didn’t want to tell anybody about her interests because two of our mutual friends would inevitably tease her and find fault in her opinion.  What a sad way to run a friendship.

I think it’s important that we hear one another out, even if that hearing means listening to a CD of songs that you care little for.  Continue to share your interests in hopes of sharing that special bond, but don’t shy away the moment interests differ.

In my teenage years, I recall walking around in bookstores and mocking the people in the Fantasy and Sci-Fi section.  I was certain that I would never be with any guy who was in to such silly things.  Truly, this fact was on my childish list I had made of the “perfect guy.”  No Fantasy or Sci-Fi nerds.  Well, guess what?  I married a Dungeons and Dragons’ playing, The Hobbitloving, fantasy monster drawing, Sci-Fi nerd.  And, surprisingly enough, he is the perfect guy for me.  My husband and I see eye-to-eye on all of the important stuff in life.  That’s what matters.

We would all do a whole lot better focusing on what we have in common versus where we differ.  I have no plans to listen to Tuck & Patti for pleasure, but I will gladly take all the custard that I despise out of my donut so that this same friend can have a double dose of the custard she craves in her donut.  And we will sit and enjoy each other realizing our mutual love for donuts is the only bond we need.

My goal is to stop trying to sell people things that I love or assume that if something makes me happy then it will make everyone happy.  Based on my interview with GAP alone, I’m not really cut out for sales in the first place.  I’m hoping to do a better job of finding out what other’s interests are and hope that such actions don’t always result in a CD of Tuck & Patti.  Sometimes I may get lucky with the recommendation of a funny show, a yummy treat, or a great book.  More than anything, I want to encourage my loved ones to enjoy the things that make them happy rather than try to convince them that they are somehow missing out on life because they aren’t interested in the same things as me.  We can’t all be Princess Bride quoting, New Girl watching, Blind Pilotsinging goofballs like myself.  It’s inconceivable.

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Life’s Little Equations

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

My eldest is an amazing artist for a 7-year-old.  Honestly, I think she’s a pretty good artist for any age.  She draws better at the age of 7 than I do at 32-years-old.  Admittedly, I am not a very good artist.  Stick figures are practically a challenge for me.  Though my sweet daughters would tell you that I’m an excellent artist, I’ve accepted my lack of artistic abilities.  Unfortunately, my middle child has not come to accept that her drawings will not be as precise as her big sister’s work.

I happen to love my middle child’s drawings.  I think they are full of personality and improving each day, as do all things we practice at.  Sadly, she makes the mistake that many of us do by comparing ourselves to people who have had years of additional practice.

A friend of mine and I fall victim to this same detrimental thinking even in adulthood.  This blog is a perfect example.  My friend was encouraging me to start a blog since she thought I had good insight to share and that I wrote well.  My response to her was that there is nothing that I can say that someone hasn’t already said and, frankly, said better.  My natural instinct is to discredit all that I am because there are many out there who are more qualified.  How unfair is that to myself?

This same friend, who serves as one of my main cheerleaders, has recently decided to take up drawing and painting.  With no effort in years to draw or paint, she has already produced amazing pieces of art.  Every compliment I give her, she responds with, “Oh, please.  This is not good.  You should see this one artist’s work.”  She’s not trying to be modest.  She genuinely thinks her art is no big deal.  But it IS!  It’s fabulous!

Why do we do this to ourselves?

In my efforts to comfort my 5-year-old who was in tears this past weekend over her perceived lack of drawing abilities, I found myself pondering what I was saying to her.  I realized I should be listening to the words coming out of my mouth.  I was so frustrated that she didn’t understand how gifted she was and how comparing herself to someone who has had years of additional practice is irrational.

Wasn’t I just like my little one?  She wanted me to draw the pictures for her because she thought so little of her own drawings.  I didn’t want to put my fingers to the keyboard for the very same reason.  Someone can do it better.  But, can they?  Someone may always be a better artist, a better musician, a better writer, etc.  But will they put in it what only YOU can put into your work?  Your soul.  Your individual beautiful soul.

This all came to a huge AH-HA moment when I was reading to my middle child the book she brought home from her school library.  It was a delightful book called This Plus That: Life’s Little Equations.  I loved the darling drawings and great message, but boy did it hit home when I saw these two pages:

As long as we put our soul into something, what does it matter how fantastic or dull it is?  The irony is that my daughter rated this book 2 out of 3 stars.  I would have given it 10 stars, if the scale allowed.  Not everyone is going to appreciate every little thing that we do and create.  But as long as we keep practicing and trying and putting it out there, someone is bound to find joy in our work.  At the very least, if we put our soul in it, then we alone should find beauty in it.
We should also keep in mind that our soul does not have to be put into every one of these things.  I’m okay with my lack of artistic abilities, because I don’t enjoy drawing in the first place.  I have neither practiced nor put my soul into drawing for that very reason.  I enjoy literature very much so that is where I will put my soul.  I’ll also dabble in music and dance, as my heart delights in those things.
Our souls are beautiful. I say we practice sharing them whether it be through color, words, sound, or movement.  The more we practice, the better we will be at mastering something, or so this same book tells me.

The inside flaps of the book claim that this book was designed for ages 4-8.  I beg to differ.  I think this book’s message is for all ages.  I know this 32-year-old definitely needed the Color + Words + Soul = Uplifting Message.

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Is Timing Everything?

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

Everything happens for a reason.  I’m a firm believer in that credo.  I marvel at the timing of things in my life.  Even one of the saddest moments in my life, the passing of my Mom, had beauty in the timing.  I refer to this as the Lord’s timing.  Others may consider it a gift of karma or coincidence.  Regardless, the timing of those final moments with my Mom were as perfect as the circumstances allowed.

To understand those final moments though, you must look at the weeks building up to them.

I was 27 weeks pregnant with our second child when I first went into preterm labor.  During my hospital visit, my doctor ordered me to be at home on bed rest.  At this point, I was working full-time and my Mom was the caregiver to our eldest.  My Mom also lived with us, as we suspected our time with her was limited and she would need additional care.  Within two weeks of being home on bed rest, my Mom began to become confused and disoriented.  In short, her final days were drawing closer.

(Four generations picture taken just after I was sent home on bed rest and before my Mom’s rapid decline.)

Keep in mind, I should have been at my job working full-time during her final weeks.  But I wasn’t.  I was there to give every ounce I could, while still being mindful of the risk I faced of having a premature baby.  In less than three weeks of me being put on bed rest, my Mom came home on Hospice.  This was completely unexpected for us.  She had just received a surgery that was supposed to buy her additional time.  Instead, it robbed us of projected months with her.

The days following her return to our home on Hospice were filled with heartache and bewilderment.  Yet that final night came to pass as though we were in a play and every person had their cue.  The timing was astonishing.  The eve of my Mom’s passing was the only night where my eldest brother and my sister-in-law were able to spend the night.  They were fortunate enough to have her Mom watch their three children that night.  It was in the wee hours of the morning that my sister-in-law came in to inform me that my Mom’s breathing had changed to that of agonal breathing.  She is a nurse in the Pediatric ICU at a children’s hospital and, sadly, is all too familiar with the sound of a person’s final breaths.  My other brother and future sister-in-law (at the time) were quickly called.  We were worried he wouldn’t arrive in time.  It wasn’t until he did arrive that we understood why she hadn’t let go yet.

One of the first things a Hospice Worker will tell you when they meet with you is that you have to tell your loved one that it’s okay for them to die.  It seems so surreal, but it’s true.  People who have to knowingly face their death oftentimes wait for the green light from loved ones.  During our time with my Mom on Hospice, we had all given her the green light.  It seemed so silly to do so since she barely comprehended our existence.  She was in and out of consciousness constantly.  But, we had all said it was okay for her to go.  All but my brother who had just arrived.

Once my brother and my, now, sister-in-law had arrived, my Mom was gathered around by all of her children.  My brother was faced with the difficult task of letting her go.  My heart aches reflecting on these final minutes with my Mom.  Within the hour of my brother’s final goodbye, our Mom passed from this life and returned Home.

This all happened minutes before our sleepy two-year-old would cry for us from her crib.  It happened on the Sabbath Day, a day that my Mother honored.  It happened with her being surrounded by all of her children.  It happened with our second child still safely in my womb.  It happened in the Lord’s Timing, or rather perfect timing.

There is no “good” time to lose your Mom or anyone for that matter.  There can be beauty though in the timing we are afforded.  My brother was approaching his wedding and I was approaching the birth of our second baby.  Surely, this is not a time that you want to lose your Mom.  Our daughter was born six weeks early and within three weeks of my Mom’s passing.  To this day, I still look at the timing as a tender mercy.  My Mom got to meet our precious baby before we did.  They got to meet one another in their perfect state.  Not only that, my baby girl gave me additional purpose to keep moving forward.  She offered the hope of knowing that joy can still be had.  Blessings can still exist.  We can still be happy.  She was the literal and physical example that life goes on.

I’m not certain how my brother feels about the timing of losing our Mom in regards to his impending marriage.  However, I’ve always respected that he changed all of their plans and chose to be married in Tahiti.  A place where the only person in attendance that they knew would be my Mom watching from above.  I’m grateful that she got to witness their wedding without pain or confusion but with all the love and happiness she could bestow upon them.

Timing is a marvelous thing.  I have seen the magic of perfect timing happen in regards to an eye surgery for my baby girl, a job offer after month’s of hopeless searches, the sale of our home, my very own life being saved as a toddler, the starting of a blog, and the birth of a child.  There are countless ways that our lives have been blessed by the Lord’s Timing.

Again, whether you see it as the Lord’s Timing, or something else, everything happens for a reason.  Sometimes it feels like things will never come to fruition or perhaps they will come to pass when we hoped they wouldn’t.  Ultimately though, things happen for a reason.  It makes the bad times easier if you look for the blessings in the timing.  It makes the good times brighter when you do the same and realize how good you really have it.

My goal right now is to not be so fearful of things that may or may not happen.  I can only do the best that I can.  If pitfalls are supposed to happen, then I will strive to find the silver lining in the timing.  If opportunities are to be had, I hope to be smart enough to act upon them as soon as they’re presented to me.

In my effort to share the perfect quote about timing, I found that there are many avenues of life that rely on the concept that timing is everything.  I couldn’t decide if that was true or not, so I discussed with my husband on the matter.  His response was spot on, “Timing is not everything, but the ability to act when the time comes is everything.”

He referenced the opportunity and timing that was afforded him to move out to California to be with me when he and I lived states apart.  The timing was right, but he could have easily done nothing with that timing.  The same could be said for my Mom’s passing.  I was provided the time to embrace those final weeks with my Mom, to make the most of that time.  And I did.  Those final weeks with my Mom are filled with no regrets.  I cared for her, laid with her, spoke with her, and cherished every moment that I could.  So, timing is everything, IF we act on it.

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As a follow-up, I had readers express some interest in seeing my husband’s insight in the form of a printable reminder.  Here you go!

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First Friday Finds: Falling Fruit

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

Wow!  Another month has come and gone.  It’s time for our First Friday Find for September.

I give the credit all to my Dad for this month’s find.  He told me about a website he read about in the AARP Magazine.  The name of the find is the same as its website: http://fallingfruit.org.

It’s a website that pinpoints on a map where edible agriculture is out there for the free picking.  The downside is that most of the data is user-submitted.  As a result, the fruit plucking potential in an area will only be as abundant as the amount of people aware that such a site exists in the first place.

My husband and I eagerly searched the site as soon as we learned about it.  We were joking that we expected to see our home on the map.  We have a peach tree and an Italian Plum tree that overhang the sidewalk to the side of our house.  That portion is free for the picking.  Sadly, our city only has six spots noted.  I thought that was poor representation until I saw that the entire county in Southern California where I grew up only has five spots posted.

The website came to fruition (pun intended) thanks to two Colorado scientists, Ethan Welty and Caleb Phillips.  The co-founders focused their efforts on finding edible fruit in some two dozen cities.  North of Downtown Los Angeles must have their very own representative.  There are hundreds of urban fruit spots noted in Edendale and Silver Lake neighborhoods alone.

Go ahead and check out your location and see what you can find!  If your city is not sufficiently represented on the pinpoint map, then keep your eyes peeled for some sweet spots to submit yourself.

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Coping with Depression

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

I’ve still been pretty down and lonely lately.  I’m not going to lie.  I’m doing my best to stop whining about it, but sometimes life just hits you.  It’s not like any one thing is bad.  I have it quite good, honestly.  However, I suffer from Bipolar II disorder.  Basically that means that nothing has to be wrong for me to feel depressed and I can seem perfectly happy at times and nobody but my husband and those closest to me would know otherwise.  I take medicine to treat the disorder.  I’m sure there are many out there with a thought on the matter of my method of treatment.  In respect for my current state, let’s not put down a method that has saved me from the depths of the darkest time in my life.

It’s funny how life works.  I never had much sympathy for depression or people that had to take pills to make themselves “happy.”  Sadly, I looked at it as a weakness on their part.  It seemed like the easy way out to just take a pill when life got “too hard.”  Boy, was I put in my place.  A pill is not a cure-all and depression is not the definition for merely having a bad week.

Depression first hit me in the form of Postpartum Depression (PPD).  My husband would tell you it hit me the moment I learned my Mom had Ovarian Cancer.  Maybe he’s right.  I just know that it did not become crippling to my daily functioning until after my eldest was born.  It’s truly disturbing how handicapped it can make you.  Seeking medical attention was the first step in the right direction and the hardest.

As if you don’t feel down enough, you have to walk in to the office and say, “I give up.”  Of course, taking medicine isn’t giving up, but it sure feels like that.  You feel like such a failure.  I tried to be smart about it and coupled my physical health care with mental health care and began seeing a therapist in April of 2007.  At that time, my Mom was still alive and looked at my need for therapy as a failure on her part.  It’s amazing how seeking help somehow implies that we’re weak or a failure.

Thankfully, I had a therapist who helped me address my need for medicine in a healthy light.  She reminded me that depression is as real as Diabetes.  Diabetics need medicine for their health.  It doesn’t make them less of a person to take that medicine.  The medicine does not make things perfect by any means in either case.  It makes one functional.  It brings the individual as close to “normal” as possible.  Certainly, there are additional things that Diabetics and individuals that suffer from depression, or what’s now been diagnosed as Bipolar II disorder for me, can do to help fight off dangerous episodes.    I suppose I need to up my momentum to do those activities.

Exercise is a good start.  How ironic though that what you need most during those lows is the first thing that you can’t even imagine attempting.  That’s when I try to start small.  First goal, don’t fall asleep.  Sleeping just begets more depressive thoughts.  When things were really bad, I slept for hours on end both day and night.  It sounds heavenly for the exhausted working Mom, but I was an at-home-Mom and that’s just considered flat out neglect.  So, stay awake!

Reading is another excellent tool.  There are so many things out there to uplift and edify.  Particularly, reading scriptures.  I’ve decided to work on this part of my life.  I suppose this paragraph isn’t relevant for those that read my blog who do not have faith in a Higher Being.  Though, I wonder, if scripture reading would help all readers regardless of their faith.  The scriptures merely teach some basic truths and do-good-attitudes.  For me, it helps me see the bigger picture.  My Mom doesn’t seem as far away, as silly as that may sound.  For instance, we read scriptures as a family tonight and we were reading about the Lord’s ability to give us strength beyond that of man.  Then we asked one another in what ways has Heavenly Father given us the “strength of the Lord” in our personal lives.  My first thought was that He gave me strength to move from all that I’ve ever known in Southern California.  At times like this, it’s particularly hard to be away from some of my core support from back “home.”  The second thought though was how Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ have given me strength to live my daily life without my Mom around.  I miss her so very much.  Her physical absence in my life has changed me in ways that I did not anticipate.  Then, I recall the bigger picture and take comfort that my time with her is not done.  It’s eternal.

Another thing that helps me cope with these lows is admitting that I need help, as mentioned above.  These times are less frequent with medicine on board, but I still need help.  It’s that whole pride thing that gets me every time.  I don’t want to admit I need help.  I don’t want to admit that I’m not doing any of the things I should be doing.  I want to pretend that I’m perfectly fine.  Isn’t that easier for everyone else around me?  Please don’t take this as a cry for help, as I really am functioning fine and my logical mind is still in control enough to recognize the many blessings in my life and the support that I do have.  Honestly, because I am properly medicated and do have an excellent support system, I don’t think I’m feeling any different than the rest of the population who has a down time now and again.

But maybe if you are reading and feeling more down than your typical behavior, try the above mentioned things.  Try to get moving, get reading, and get help.  Whether you need medical help or an increase of emotional support, don’t think less of yourself for asking for it.

If you are fortunate enough to be in a happier state at the time, remember Scottish author, Ian Maclaren’s, advice to, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”

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Real Is In

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

My friend posted a video on her Facebook page yesterday about Pinterest Perfection.  In the video it speaks to the impossible task of living up to the Pinterest world.  At one point, the woman confesses, “Real is in.”  Well, if real is in, I’m about to give our readers a full dose of real.

Do you remember my post two months ago entitled No Excuses, No Explanations?  Well, I’m stocked full of them right now.  You may or may not have noticed that I did not post last week.  I noticed because it got added on to my list of reasons why I’m feeling like a pure flop right now.  Are you ready?

I was already feeling blue before last week even hit me.  Three out of my four closest friends in my new hometown somehow managed to plan all of their end-of-summer vacations at the same time.  How dare they, huh?  Add on that my BFF (Best Friend Forever) was visiting from Southern California and she left to go home on Monday.  Post-BFF blues kicked in.  Add on that my husband had been working crazy long hours.  Are you seeing how my social support was lacking?  That’s a sure sign of impending doom for my emotional well-being.

Then last Tuesday, I tweaked my back in the morning during a routine struggle to get my son in his high chair.  I could tell right away it wasn’t good.  I tried to work through the pain.  I couldn’t take any of my known remedies, as there was a small chance that I was pregnant.  As a result, I was left with Tylenol and ice as my only relief.  Thankfully, I live in a very supportive community.  I had a friend come and put my son down in his crib for his nap.  That allowed for some rest on my end too.

So as not to drag out the story, I will sum this portion up with the basics.  Husband called off from work, a trip to the ER was had, tests confirmed I was not pregnant so I could receive appropriate medication, x-ray showed a straight spine in all the wrong places, and my legs were completely uneven.  In short, pain killers and muscle relaxers were not going to give me enough relief to get back to better.  Plus, we had to cancel a destination wedding we had planned to attend this past weekend since driving for hours on end would be physically impossible.

Then, hormones hit.  Oh, blasted hormones.  How I despise you!  As if pain hadn’t made me grouchy enough, hormones had to arrive on the scene.  Sadly, my family were the real victims in this downward spiral.  My eldest daughter took the brunt of it.

Every single time I think I’m going to seriously lose my mind with my eldest, I am forced to look at myself in the mirror.  Does anybody else out there sometimes turn in to this ugly person that affects the behavior of all those around them for the worst?  Generally, I would like to think that I bring out the best in others.  That was certainly not the case this past week.  I would gladly have preferred being sent away from society so as not to emotionally damage those in contact with me.

So, as things were looking particularly bleak, I began to add on more negative thoughts to really make the week eventful.  I started to think of all the things I was NOT doing right.  Our budget is a good example.  Two pay periods of following the budget.  Then BAM!  Back to School needs hit.  Now, I’m over budget, lacking in my usual social support, taking things out on those I love most, in pain, and fighting my primal desire to turn in to a werewolf the way Jacob does in The Twilight Series.

I managed to hold it together enough by continually pondering this analogy I once read:  If you get a flat tire, you fix it and get back on the road.  You don’t go and poke holes in the remaining three tires.

I really did try the best that I could to stop jamming a knife into my remaining three tires.  My husband may say differently.  He said one of my screaming fits with my eldest was almost comical.  He referenced remarks made in Bill Cosby, Himselfwhen Bill Cosby speaks about how his wife was once beautiful and then she had kids.  It may sound hurtful, but truly it’s the most honest bit of comedy gold when he describes how children change us.

I really was trying, then nature poked a hole in one of my remaining tires.  I came down with what feels like a sinus infection.  Surprisingly though, I’m surviving today better than I anticipated.

My friends have returned from their vacations, the close friend that tended to me all week is still talking to me, I had additional friends help me out, my husband and children seem to still think I’m pretty special, a Chiropractor visit made my legs the same length again, and we had a few fun and memorable things happen over this past week.  My son said his first official word: shoe; and we hosted a last minute outdoor movie in our backyard with the help of some friends.

So, there’s a nice dose of real for you.  Feel free to share some of the “real” you have going on in your life.  I find that sometimes we just need to cry on the side of the road for a bit before we fix that flat tire and get back out there.  My crying is done.  Time to fix the flat.

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A Testimony of Children

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

I’m a woman of faith.  The word testimony gets used a lot when discussing principles of Gospel Truths.  My very loose definition of the word is that it means we have a sure knowledge of something.  For example, I have a testimony of the power of prayer.  I know that prayers work.  I’ve seen the blessings there of time and time again.

Regardless of one’s stance on matters of faith, I think you can have a testimony of other matters.  I once heard a Mom say she wanted to have a stronger testimony of her children.  What a concept, right?  Imagine trying to learn and understand your children in such a way that you truly know them.

As a Stay-at-Home Mom, you’d think I would know all about my kids.  I’m with them constantly.  I know how they like their food, I know what shows they like, I know that they will whine and complain when I ask them to clean-up, and I know that going to the park still gets cheers from each of them.  I know them.  But, do I?  I want to know more about them.  Each of them.  Individually.

Recently, I’ve been so caught up in social media that I feel like my children’s lives are disappearing before my very eyes.  I want to know more about my kids than I do about the eating habits of people that I once knew vaguely in High School.  It’s pathetic really how I get sucked in to the social media world.

So, Step 1, we can have lots of fun.  Oh wait!  That’s New Kids On The Block.  Although, they may be on to something.  We’ll get back to their steps in a moment.

Step 1 – Monitor and time my social media activity.  I’m giving myself 30 minutes a day.  This might sound excessive to most.  However, if you knew how much I was really on these sites, you’d realize that this is a significant decrease.

I started timing myself today.  I used 8 minutes this morning.  Then, I was sitting in the line for gas (it’s illegal to pump your own gas in the fine state of Oregon) and instinct told me to pick up my phone and check the social media circuit.  The kids weren’t in the car so I figured it wasn’t taking away from anything anyway, right?  Then, I recalled an article that I read this past May called How The Smartphone Killed The Three-day Weekend.  It explained how constant media use is, “robbing our brains of critical downtime that encourages creative thinking.”

Creative thinking that I could be using to come up with fun things to do with my children.  Which brings us back to New Kids on the Block, we can have lots of fun.  I want to know what makes my kids laugh the hardest.  I’m pretty sure it’s when they have my husband’s and my undivided attention.  If that’s the case, I can so easily give them more of that and therefore more fun in their lives.

Step 2 – More dance parties.  My kids love them and they do a world of good for all those involved.  I know some of their favorite songs.  Maybe if I listen and observe a little more, I can figure out what makes each of those songs their favorite songs.  What is it that pulls them in and gets them grooving?

Step 3 – Individual time with each of them.  I don’t just want a testimony of my children.  I want a testimony of Abigail.  A testimony of Vivian.  A testimony of August.

Sometimes I forget that playing with my kids is part of my gig.  I feel like I should be cleaning and budgeting and cooking and tending to matters of the home.  I forget that playing with my kids is as much a part of me raising them as feeding them is.  Somewhere I misled myself into thinking that playing with my kids is me slacking.  I should be “working.”  When in reality, playing with my kids may very well be the most important thing I do with them all day.

That being said, I’m going to go play.  They’re outside my window making chalk drawings on the porch right now.  I think there may be a flower that needs to be drawn by this Mommy.

I’m going to go strengthen my testimony of my children.  Please share ways that you improve your relationship with your children.

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The Power of a Bucket List

~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments

When I was 19, I made a bucket list of 100 things I wanted to do before I died.  I’m not sure if it speaks to my lack of ambition, but I only came up with 70 items for the list.  I lost the list over the years.  Then again, at the age of 24, I decided to make a new list.  This time I would only have 50 items.  I remember reaching 50 too quickly, but running out of the space I allotted in my journal for said list.  At the time, I stuck with 50 even though I dreamed of more.

Flash forward to this summer.  A friend sent us her Summer Buck List for her kids.  A lofty 100 items.  I recalled not doing so well with that amount.  I saw that there were 70 days remaining in our summer and decided that one per day was feasible.  That magic number of 70 returned.  Here is what remained from my friend’s original document:

We have 26 days left of summer. I am happy to report that there are only 18 items remaining on our list.  I’m not so happy to report that Microsoft Word does not recognize S’mores and pedi as real words.  How is that possible?  I suppose I get pedi, but S’mores?  Really, Microsoft?  You’re as bad as Scotty Smalls in The Sandlot.

Alas, I digress.

So many of the fun things we did this summer were a direct result of the inspiration and motivation of this list.  One of my favorites of the summer was our Throwback Talent Show.  Back in the Spring, a couple of my friends and I had discussed how fun it would be to hold a talent show where the adults had to do talents that they did as a kid and the kids got to do whatever they wanted.  Honestly, I don’t think it would have come to pass had it not been on this list.  Isn’t the excitement of checking something off a list worth the time to plan and coordinate an activity?

Sure, I humiliated myself by singing Bette Midler’s “From A Distance,” but it was well worth it!  It was a blast to see everyone else’s talents and to just have some good ol’ fashion fun.  I will say though that in hindsight, I wish I had chosen a cooler song in my youth when I sang in the talent show in the fifth grade.

Everyone that attended said that they had a great time, which is always nice to hear.  The thing is that the whole endeavor was super easy.  I stressed out a bit worrying whether or not it would turn out okay.  That’s part of my nature.  I’m a stressor.  Other than the unnecessary stress I put on myself, it was a piece of cake.  Yet it would not have happened had it not been on that Summer Bucket List.

So to you, dear bucket list, I thank you.  To my friend who was motivated enough to make the original lofty bucket list for her kid’s summer, I thank you.  I have had the best summer of my life thanks to this list.  I’m sure it helps that my new hometown is a vacation destination for most.

Seeing the power of our Summer Bucket List made me ponder my Life Bucket List.  I’m now 32 years old.  I know where my 24-year-old bucket list is, but I want to revise it.  I made that list based on things that I thought I wanted to do.  I made it based on what I wanted to accomplish so that I could be as talented as others that I was constantly comparing myself to.  For example, I had on there that I wanted to learn how to sew.  The truth is that I don’t like sewing.  I wanted to sew since I admired, translates as envied, what other woman could create.  So, sewing goes off the list.  But I keep on my list watching the TV show Saturday Night Live live, eating Italian food in Italy, and going horseback riding.  Plus, I get the satisfaction of checking those items off like riding on a Zamboni and watching the sunrise on another continent that were on the original list.

Go ahead, make your own bucket list!  It’s not too late!  Make it all yours!  It’s a powerful thing and it’s never too late to begin!

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