Children

What Motivates You to Nurture The Good in You?

~ Sara W. ~ 2 Comments

In reading even a couple posts from this blog, you could probably guess that my Mom made a huge impact in my life for the good.  But, as with all people, she was not perfect.  An aspect of our relationship which I struggled with was believing that she accepted me as I was.  If I look at the amount of time she chose to spend with me, the topics of her heart which she confided in me, and the amount of laughter we shared, then I know I was not only approved, but admired.  But her praise of my strengths was not as much as my tender heart required.  She tended to bring up matters that I needed to fix rather than where I excelled.  As a result, I often felt like I was fighting for her approval.

I remember one incident in particular during my mid-twenties where my Mom mentioned that my weight was getting out of control.  I know where her heart was coming from.  She wanted to see her daughter live a healthy life.  She was a health-conscious woman herself and wanted to see those same values acted upon in my life.  Plus, she’s my Mom.  Moms don’t stop worrying about their kids at a certain age.  That love and concern is never-ending.  I already know this to be fact even though my eldest is only seven years-old.  Despite logically understanding where she was coming from, her words broke my heart.  All I heard was that I was fat and, therefore, unlovable and unapproved.  It’s not a rationale thought process but, sadly, it’s my default thought-process.  It was not the first time she brought up her concern about my weight, but it was the first time I responded with my true feelings.  I explained to her that when she continually reminds me of my weight issues, it just makes me want to eat more.  Again, not a logical nor healthy thought process.

Around this same time, I heard this talk given by Jeffrey R. Holland, an American educator and religious leader, that stuck with me.  His words are as follows:

We must be so careful in speaking to a child. What we say or don’t say, how we say it and when is so very, very important in shaping a child’s view of himself or herself…Be constructive in your comments to a child—always. Never tell them, even in whimsy, that they are fat or dumb or lazy or homely. You would never do that maliciously, but they remember and may struggle for years trying to forget—and to forgive. And try not to compare your children, even if you think you are skillful at it. You may say most positively that “Susan is pretty and Sandra is bright,” but all Susan will remember is that she isn’t bright and Sandra that she isn’t pretty. Praise each child individually for what that child is, and help him or her escape our culture’s obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are “enough.”

With my own childhood struggles and these words always remaining in the back of my head, I strive to find the best way to magnify my children’s strengths and lovingly encourage them in matters that they need assistance.  But I’m at a loss.

Each of my girls feels like the other one does “everything” better.  Vivian wants to draw and sing like Abby and Abby wants to run and get in less trouble like Vivian.  I’ll admit, I haven’t quite figured out how to support and nourish my girl’s accomplishments and strengths without the other one feeling down for not receiving the same remarks.  It’s difficult to accept, embrace, and improve upon our own strengths rather than long for, struggle, and try to catch-up to other’s strengths.  I’m only now learning how to be OK with competing with myself versus others.  Now I have to figure out how to instill that way of thinking in my children.  I suppose, as Holland suggests, the key is in praising them individually.

But where I normally would be giving you my two cents and more, I would really appreciate hearing about experiences you’ve had that have helped you nurture your strengths and work on your weaknesses.  Is there a healthy way to share with a loved one a concern you have about their actions or behavior?  I’ve often wondered if there was a way that my Mom could have addressed my weight that would have inspired me to act instead of react.

I think one of the things that I have learned and shared with my children is that if one person is blessed with a talent it does not mean that you are not blessed with the ability to perform that same talent.  My daughter Abby has a naturally beautiful singing voice, but that doesn’t mean that Vivian cannot be a singer.  I’ll be straight with you, Viv’s voice is way out of tune, but she sings with so much heart that as long as she puts her mind in to practicing, then she’ll reach her goal.  I suppose the same goes for my husband and I.  He is a natural in the kitchen.  He can randomly put stuff together and it tastes delish.  He is the cook in our home.  But just because he is a good cook doesn’t automatically mean I’m a bad cook.  I think that’s where my daughters, and I, struggle in understanding our strengths.  Our default settings tell us that if it’s not our strength then it’s our weakness.  It’s that black and white thinking that made me want to eat more burgers when my Mom brought up my weight.  If I couldn’t please her by being fit, then I would relish in gaining weight.  I would show her!  But what was I really showing her?  Nothing but spite and stubbornness.

So, dear readers, enlighten me.  Share with me your “A-Ha Moments” that helped you to believe in yourself and/or raise a generation that does the same.

Continue reading…

Matters of Materialism

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

Up until a year ago this past weekend, I had spent my entire life living in Southern California.  All but three of those years, I lived in the more affluent part of Orange County.  Aside from some traveling, my view of the world was as I saw it in Orange County or through media outlets.  When we moved here to Central Oregon, I entered in to a whole new way of living.  The immediate differences I noticed were the quieter surroundings, the slower pace of life, the more modest lifestyle, and the instant sense of community.  The latter was such a significant shift from Southern California that both my husband, who was raised in Texas, and I felt that we had entered in to the movies we had watched where everyone welcomes the new neighbors with treats and support.  It was a culture shock in many ways for both of us.

It was a refreshing change to see this alternate way of life.  It was almost the anti-thesis of Southern California and as much as I love SoCal, we needed out of there.  I quickly accepted the new way of life, but had not fully acclimated after our first six months.  It was around that time, that we took our first trip back to visit loved ones in SoCal.  I, of course, noticed the increase in traffic, lights, crowds, and buildings upon my return, but that was about the extent of it.  I imagine I was still equal parts SoCal and Central Oregon at that point.  Last week, we took our second trip back to SoCal and it had an entirely different affect on me.  This time I could not get over all of the styles and bombardment of materialism being thrown at me.

Perhaps it’s because I had just seen the second installment of the Hunger Games Series, Catching Fire, but I liken SoCal to The Capitol and Central Oregon to District 12.  For those who have read the series, I realize this is an extreme analogy.  For those that have not read the series or seen the movies, the basic idea is that The Capitol is an assault on your senses, unless you live there and know no different.  Everything is over the top in The Capitol, particularly the fashion scene and gluttony.

When we first drove in to SoCal during this past trip, I was kind of excited to see all the shopping options and I had already planned out most of our must-have eating stops.  None of those eating spots left me disappointed.  I’m already craving some of those places and we haven’t even been home a week.  However, the fashion scene and shops were overwhelming to me.  The mall was the worst of them all.  Every store had it’s own storefront theme.  While some of the stores had a classy touch, many of them were flaunting sexy, loud, dark, mysterious, and cutting edge without me even having to walk in.  It made me truly sad for the youth that had to innocently walk through the mall and fight off the barrage of sensory overload that tells them what they should and ought to be and have.  I’m a grown woman and I find it hard to fight off the urge to want and desire all these things that I never even thought of owning previously.  What are we doing to our kids and our society when we try to sensationalize every aspect of the day?  Media is no longer the only culprit.

The mall was the most offensive to my senses, but I had noticed it the very first night in town when I went to the movies with my girlfriends.  A lot of people, mostly women, were dressed in such a way that seemed uncomfortable and unnecessary.  I’m not saying we shouldn’t have pride in how we present ourselves.  There is a lot to be said about putting on that one outfit that makes you feel prettier (or more handsome) than usual.  I think it’s the fact that it seems like a requirement to “fit in” in SoCal that irritates me.  I felt this underlying pressure to be more than I am while I was there.  Not in the sense of living up to my personal expectations of myself, but rather living up to other’s expectations of me.  It was disheartening, honestly.

Small towns have their drawbacks, don’t get me wrong.  We don’t have the luxury of walking in to a Toys-R-Us to do our kids’ Christmas shopping, our Target is more of a quasi-Target, major sporting events and the theater are not easily accessible, and more people seem to know your business before you’ve told them.  But, I feel healthier living a slower paced life here with less pressures upon myself.  The part that makes me the saddest is that I had no idea how many pressures were being placed on me by the environment that I was living in until I left it, was released from it, and had to re-enter it.  I worry about those that are not prepared emotionally to fight off the subconscious urge to “keep up” and “fit in.”

Obviously, we cannot escape the world around us and we cannot all move to a small town.  But I hope we don’t desensitize ourselves so much that we lose sight of what really matters.  More importantly, I hope we teach our children that fashion and fame do not matter.  Easier said than done, especially when the pressures are coming from all sides.  Maybe a good approach is to compare and contrast with other areas that you travel to with your kids.  Ask them what they notice is different between wherever you live and the place you’re visiting and get their opinions of what way of life seems healthier.

I’ve joked since I moved to Central Oregon that we’re two decades behind here as it pertains to music, trends, and the like.  But if the direction we’re going in as a society is as showy and loud as I witnessed in the mall in SoCal, I’ll gladly stay behind the times and raise my kids to become old-fashioned.  I don’t want them to think they have to be flashy to be seen and loud to be heard.  I sure hope I can prepare them to appreciate the positive difference they can make in this world by being their truest selves and not falling prey to the matters of materialism.

Continue reading…

Rest Reminder

~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments

I was reminded today about the importance of rest in our daily lives.  Perhaps it came to the forefront of my mind because I had a very productive day and now I’m feeling a bit depleted.  These feelings made me recall a workbook I began a few months back called The Self-Esteem Workbook.

I was strongly encouraged years ago by my therapist at the time to do the above mentioned workbook.  Unfortunately, I put it off for quite some time.  Then, a few months ago, I decided to crack it open and give it my all.  It’s important to note that this is a workbook and not just a book.  It really does require work.  You write in it, you practice it, you re-evaluate yourself; it’s work.  They even note in the beginning that you should “resist the tendency to read through [the] book quickly.  Instead, commit now to applying and mastering each skill before moving on to try the next one.”

The first topic the book speaks about is the importance of a healthy body in improving one’s mental health.  The book puts it simply, “You can’t ignore your body and expect to feel good.”  It outlines the importance of exercise, healthy eating, and proper sleep.  Obviously, none of these topics are cutting edge concepts.  There are countless studies supporting the simple fact that our bodies (and our minds) need these approaches to thrive.  The workbook then has you lay out a written plan for yourself in an effort to better care for your body before trying to work on your mental health.  I wrote my plan.  I attempted my plan.  I cut corners on my plan.  Then, I forgot my plan.  Then, because it told me to not go on in the workbook until I applied and mastered each skill, I stopped the book.

Sadly, it’s not the first time I’ve stopped something because it got too hard.  I’m sure I’m not alone in this department.  While I need improvement in all of these categories, sleep seems to be the easiest one to adjust and yet I stay up way too late every night.  I’m already a grouch as it is in the morning, the last thing I need to add to my morning routine is sleep deprivation.

When I was at my absolute worst about not getting to bed at a decent hour, I saw what a huge impact it had on my family, particularly my children.  They became the brunt of my irritable behavior and tired body.  I found myself yelling at them more often.  It was really a sad discovery to see the negative impact my sleep choices had on my mood and, as collateral damage, my family.

So, I’m reminding myself again, and perhaps others that may need to hear it, that an appropriate amount of sleep and regularity in your sleep pattern is crucial to your body, your mental health, and those you come in contact with.  Trying to skip on sleep to accomplish one more thing, or watch one more show, or check Facebook one more time will eventually catch up with you and the results aren’t pretty.

I love how Jeffrey R. Holland, an American educator and religious leader, put it in a recent address: “…watch for the stress indicators in yourself and in others you may be able to help. As with your automobile, be alert to rising temperatures, excessive speed, or a tank low on fuel…Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill.”

So, I’m going to recommit myself to improving my aerobic exercise, my eating practices, and my sleep hygiene.  Who knows?  I may just make it to the next chapter before the end of the year?  Of course, to do so, I need to wrap this post up and bid you all goodnight.

Continue reading…

Plague of the Mommy Brain

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

DISCLAIMER:  This post is in regards to the Mommy Brain Plague, but could easily be considered the Scatter-Brained Plague. The two are interchangeable.  Mom or not, this post has some good tips that have helped me this past week.  However, I apologize in advance if the following narrows my audience at all.

You know those moments when you’re at the park with your kids and a fellow Mom friend and her kids?  You’re standing there trying to carry on an adult conversation while your kids play.  Then, Little Johnny or Baby Sue come in and ask you to push them on the swings, carry them across the glider, watch them do a trick, or tattle on some other child who is being mean.  All viable reasons to interrupt.  This post isn’t about neglecting those requests from your child.  This post is about the moment when you return to your friend after fulfilling your child’s request and can’t for the life of you figure out what you were talking about just a minute ago.  It’s the surest sign of Mommy Brain.  You end up having this choppy and repetitive conversation.  It’s like when you’re reading a page and you realize you were just reading the words and not paying attention.  So you have to start that same sentence over a million times because you can’t seem to focus on the next portion of the story.  Except for it’s worse, because you can’t even remember what book you were reading from in the first place.  So.  Frustrating.

That’s my brain lately.  Except instead of it happening at the park, it’s happening all the time.  I’m serious when I say that if it weren’t for the Task List in my phone, my brain would be completely mush.  I can’t seem to see a thought process through from the beginning to the end.  As a result, I started to shut down.

I have this bin in my kitchen that serves as my In Box.  School papers, bills, letters, coupons, magazines, etc.  All stuff that needs to get done.  This bin was stacked so high it was about to tip over.  The problem is that Mommy Brain couldn’t sort through it.  So it just got worse and worse.

Then we got this letter from our rental property management saying that the owner was coming to inspect the home.  I’m told it’s just an annual check to ensure smoke detectors are working and such.  But, boy, it’s amazing how quickly an owner walk-through can motivate you to get off your dupa and tend to the home.

So, I did it!  I went through my In Box.  And then I went through the kids toys, clothes, and books to omit some of the clutter.  Plus, we finally raked all the leaves and needles from our front and backyard.  And my husband tended to some walls that could use a little touch-up.  It felt good.  It felt really good.

What I learned from this week of decluttering, reorganizing, and fixing is that all these do a world of good in treating Mommy Brain.  Instead of my mind trying to process the billions of things that I need to do but don’t want to do, I’m doing them and it’s freeing up some space for a full and complete thought process.  Who knew?

Another thing that I noticed that helps is reading.  Not just reading a book, but reading a variety of things and formats.  For instance, I get the Costco Connection and the AAA Magazine each month.  They’ve been helping add height to my In Box pile.  There really isn’t anything earth-shattering in there, but I’ll often find a little gem that will get my mind thinking about things that it would not have thought of otherwise.  My husband does this too, except for he does it with Wikipedia.  There is this button on the main page of Wikipedia called “Random Article.”  He pushes it to see where it takes him and then he just goes deeper into the rabbit hole hopping from one article to the next and clicking on links within them.  It’s good for our brains to think of fresh concepts.  Reading new things, trying new activities, tasting new foods all help stimulate your brain and, in my case, fight off the Plague of the Mommy Brain.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I know myself well enough to know that my In Box is going to get out of control again and my house will be in shambles come the next hiccup in our daily lives.  But, for now, I want to admit to myself that cleaning up, clearing out, and reading fresh ideas really does do me, and I imagine you too, a world of good!

Continue reading…

Meaningful Traditions

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

I am a big supporter of traditions.  My Mom did an amazing job of having all sorts of fun things to look forward to at various times of year.  One of my favorites was our first day of school tradition.  When our first day ended, we would return home to the delicious smell of homemade chocolate chip cookies straight from the oven.  Those chocolate chip cookies were amazing.  My Mom used the Nestle Toll House recipe.  However, she must have added a heavy dose of Love in there, as they never taste as good when I try to replicate them.  Regardless of my abilities, I make chocolate chip cookies for my girls every year for their first day of school.

Another tradition that has been carried on in our home due to it’s memorable role in my childhood is my Mom’s Halloween Sugar Cookies.  I still have the cookie cutter she used.  It’s such a pain to use since it’s not just an outline cut-out.  It’s a cookie cutter that pushes in a darling little pumpkin face, which then gets covered up by frosting.  It’s such a shame that nobody can see the detail of the cutout, but I still use it because my Mom did.  I also still use raisins to make the Jack-o-Lantern face since that’s what my Mom used.  Even though most people prefer and suggest that I use chocolate chips instead, I stick with tradition.  I really am painfully loyal to the tradition.

That all being said, I think it’s important that we reevaluate the traditions we carry on in our lives.  I make my Mom’s sugar cookies using her cutout for half of the batch and then finish the dough off making cookies that are smaller and easier to produce.  I honor the tradition but I also strive to prevent the tradition from overwhelming me to the point of unnecessary stress.
Sometimes we risk traditions losing their meaning when we get carried away with them.  I’m not sure who is to blame for this epidemic of quantity and perfection over meaning and reflection when it comes to traditions.  My guess would be that Pinterest had a hand in it.  While I am a supporter of Pinterest, I fear many women feel this need to do every tradition, craft, and holiday treat posted on there.  I often become a victim myself.  I almost have to avoid Pinterest completely during the holidays to protect myself from feeling like a failure of a Mom for not doing Elf on a Shelf, the Advent Calendar, Gingerbread Houses, homemade Christmas ornaments, Secret Santa, Caroling, the 12 Days of Christmas, and the like in the course of 25 days.  I love traditions, especially the Christmas ones, but sometimes I feel like we overdo it and lose the spirit of the season or tradition.
Let me reiterate that I truly cherish traditions.  I baked the Halloween cookies, we took the kids to a real Pumpkin Patch (a first for me), we carved pumpkins, and we’ll be dining on chili, cornbread, and hot dogs tomorrow evening, per tradition.  I love providing meaningful traditions for my children.

 

But I wanted to remind readers, and myself, that we don’t have to do it all to prove ourselves in anyway.  Sometimes beginning involves minimizing and being okay with ourselves for knowing our limits.  I think Elf on a Shelf is a darling idea, but if I add that to my list of traditions, my children are going to wake up to one angry elf everyday in December.
As we continue through this fun holiday season, remember it’s okay to have your child come home with 20+ holiday goodie bags that other Moms made for the class when your accomplishment for the day consisted of getting your child to school with a warm jacket on.  Embrace the traditions that have real meaning to you and your family.  Begin letting go of the excess and treasure the simple traditions that beget warm memories rather than stress.
Continue reading…

Saving by Serving

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

When my eldest was born, I experienced a level of service rendered towards me that I was not familiar with previously.  It was the blessing of a home cooked meal brought by friends three times a week for nearly a month.  I was not accustomed to such a service.  Now, years later, we have been the recipients of countless meals in our family’s time of need.

This came to the forefront of my mind as we were, again, blessed with dinners brought in by friends. I had an unexpected hospital stay last week due to pneumonia.  As word spread that I was in the hospital, the well wishes, prayers, offered meals, and requested visits rolled in.  I felt so much love.  I even had one friend visit me in the hospital and insist on massaging my hands with lotion while she chatted with me.  I would have been perfectly content with her company, but her tender service warmed my heart that much more.

It got me thinking about how when I bring a dinner or share one of my husband’s baked goods (yes, my husband bakes), it feels like such an insignificant thing.  But when I’m on the receiving end, I am immensely overwhelmed by the love and blessing that comes with that service.  The same goes for any service, really.

Years ago, my husband and I were struggling financially and we were sitting at the table one night trying to figure out how to make our food go further for the week before pay day hit.  At that same moment, my neighbor texted me to tell me she had a coupon for $20 of groceries that was going to expire that night.  She was not going to use it and offered it to me.  I’ve often reflected on this event as a testimony that our Heavenly Father knows our every need and the blessings that come from service.  A simple service where one person hands over a coupon that they will not use to the person that stands in need of that very thing.

How many times, I wonder, do we think of such services and then get wrapped up in our daily lives and forget where our hands and heart are needed?

Before you spiral downward thinking that you are not being as service-minded as you’d like, think of those small acts of service that go a long way.  Giving a smile provides aid to the lonely and giving a call lends hope to the downtrodden.  I had a door opened for me once that still has an impact on me.  A teenage boy was visiting outside with his friends and saw me through the window about to come out of the restaurant.  He had no need to come in to the restaurant I was at.  He merely saw my need, as I struggled with my son’s stroller, opened the door and returned to his conversation with his friends.  A simple service where this boy looked beyond himself.

I hope to raise my children in such a way that they too will recognize the world around them and how they can help.  As I was giving thought to how to go about doing this, I came across two ideas that seemed to be the key to rearing service-minded children.  First, expose them to service opportunities in the community.

When I was in high school, I was one of the officers in the Interact Club; an extra-curricular club based on serving the community.  We had a couple activities that made an impact on my view of the world, but there is one in particular that stands out.  We were assigned to hand out food to those in need at a local church parking lot.  It was a drive-thru process and each station had a food group where volunteers would place food in to the cars of those less-fortunate.  Naively, I was unaware that so many in the community were dependent on that free food.  That act of service taught me about what I truly have in life and what I have to give.  We can give of our time, certainly, but we can also give of our sustenance, our joy, and our love.  Serving in the community helps us to better understand all that we have and where we are needed.

Another way for our children to learn about the blessing of service is the same as it is for any virtue: lead by example.  I learned the great value of a meal being brought in by those who served me.  I learned that receiving a cooler filled with snacks, drinks, and toys for your young child when your Mom is dying is surprisingly perfect.  I learned that a surprise treat of any size or kind at your door brings uncontrollable joy in the hearts of all those in the home, particularly the children.  I learned that special mail deliveries can cheer up even the saddest of hearts.  I learned that an unexpected “kidnapping” of your kids so they can have a playdate with friends while you’re stuck home on bed rest will move you to tears of gratitude.  And I learned that dollar store care packages are worth much more than the money spent to put them together.  I learned these things because others set the example for me.

I am still learning and feel humbled by the myriad of services that have been rendered on my family’s behalf.  It may not seem like much when you’re on the giving end.  It may seem like just a meal, or just a note, or just a smile, or just a bag of hand-me-downs, but I can assure you, from the recipient’s stand point, you are saving the world one kind deed at a time.

Continue reading…

Three Quick Tips

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

When I left you last, I was suffering from cabin fever due to my middle one’s illness.  Her illness led to an ear infection, which led to a ruptured eardrum.  Ouch, right?  The day she started to feel better is the day that I got sick and was down for the count.  Needless to say, our home has not been running on all cylinders.  My brain is only now starting to turn the gears.  As a result, this week’s post is a quick one about some tips I’ve found useful.

1.  SET AN ALARM – I have an alarm on my phone to wake me up, take medicine/vitamins, pick-up the kids from school, a separate alarm to remind me of early release day, and an alarm to remind me of the one morning that my eldest attends Chorus.  These alarms have saved me from panic mode and help keep me on track.  It makes for a smoother transition from one activity to the next.

2.  MAKE A LIST – Better yet, get these two free apps to organize your lists for you: Out of Milk and Task List.  These two gems are the only reason any task was completed upon emerging from my painful fog.

Out of Milk is where I keep my four shopping lists.  I have one for Costco, Groceries, Trader Joe’s, and a Target/Wal-Mart combo.  This makes my shopping trips more efficient, helps with the budgeting process, and makes sure no item gets forgotten.  Just add the item as soon as you think of it.  If you’re like me, you’ll forget it if you don’t write it/type it somewhere.  Another plus of this app is that it shows all the local grocer deals.

I already shared my love for Task List in my previous post Six Ways to Get Motivated, so I won’t bore you with details again.  However, I was reminded this past week how valuable this app is.  My lists were made during my countless hours on the couch and then carried out the moment I started to feel well enough to be up and about.  My day yesterday was immensely productive thanks to my husband and my plan of attack already being laid out before me.

If you want to get really crazy, combine tip one with tip two.  Task List allows you to set reminder alarms for items that need to get done by a particular time.  These apps keep me organized and keep me moving.

3.  ORGANIZE DIGITAL PHOTOS BY DATE – This one is a random tip, but it has been so valuable over the years.  I saw my friend’s digital pictures sorted on her computer one time and I nearly died at how perfectly organized she had them.  She has always been the epitome of an organized person.  She has packing lists for moving a home that will make your brain implode.  Thankfully, the digital picture organizing she does is much simpler.

You start with your basic Pictures folder under Libraries on your computer.  Then create a folder for the year you’re in or the year the pictures were taken.  Inside the year folder, create 12 sub-folders, one for each month. I label these Jan-13, Feb-13, Mar-13, and so on.  Within your monthly sub-folders, name unique folders based on your personal activities.  For instance, in my Dec-12 folder (indicating December of 2012), I have folders named Sledding, Christmas Decorations (this is where I kept pictures of my family decorating the tree), Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day.

Each of my month sub-folders include two catch-all sub-folders.  One is called Hangin’ Out and the other is called Out and About.  These are the folders for the onesie twosie shots I snap while my kids are either happily playing at the park or snuggling up on the couch.  I don’t want to have 100 folders set aside for each snapshot I take of life nor do I want to omit sub-folders completely as it just makes finding the right picture over-whelming.

This might not seem like an earth-shattering tip, but it’s amazing how much it has helped me over the years.  For instance, I was easily able to grab the three pictures below showing each of my children at approximately 1 year and 3 months old by doing a quick chronological search of my digital pictures.  How fun to see the comparison so quickly!

 

So, there you have it!  Three tips to make your life a little easier.  The whole point of this blog is to help each of us begin moving forward.  Hopefully these tips will make the arduous task of beginning more efficient.

Continue reading…

Second Chances

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

I’ve had a rough couple of days.  I don’t do well when stuck indoors for long periods of time, which has been the case lately.  Cabin fever sinks in quickly with me.  I also don’t do well with a toddler screaming every time that I don’t hold him and every time he does not get what he wants.  Add on that my middle one is sick, my daughters are having nightmares due to the season of beheaded zombies hanging from porches, and my husband has been working literally day and night for the past six days.  Sleep has eluded me.

I can’t help but hear Claire Foster’s line in Date Nightwhen she is confessing to her husband that she fantasizes more about being alone than leaving him for another man, “There are times when, on my worst day, I’ve thought about just leaving our house and going someplace, like checking into a hotel. Being in a room all by myself, in a quiet, air-conditioned room, sitting down, eating my lunch, with no one touching me—drinking a diet Sprite, by myself.”  Insert Dr. Pepper for Diet Sprite and she’s described what I long to do on days like yesterday.

Checking in to a hotel would have been much better than the breakdown I had yesterday morning when my husband was finally off from his 16-hour shift at work.  The worst part is that I selfishly was upset over my circumstances and here my husband had just worked a 16-hour shift of running around physically caring for people.  I was acting like a brat, honestly.  Still my husband kindly took my ever-screaming son and let me go and cry.  That’s love right there.  Just a few minutes to cry in peace with no one touching me.

Crying helped, as it sometimes does.  I still felt pretty pathetic though for being such a ninny about my plight instead of tending to my husband’s well-being.  Sometimes we have really bad days at work and they last longer than we’d like.  That happened to be the case for both of us this time.  He handled it gracefully, I handled it poorly.

Later, I was listening to a song called Second Chances by Gregory Alan Isakov off of his album The Weathermanand this one line hit home, “if it weren’t for second chances, we’d all be alone.”  How many second chances has my husband given me and I him, I wonder?  These last few days have been a series of second chances.

I’ve had a second chance at putting my daughter’s minds to rest before they fall asleep, a second chance to figure out how to properly discipline my son for his uncharacteristically difficult behavior, a second chance to look at my husband’s needs and sacrifices on our family’s behalf, and a second chance to not beat myself up over every time I guiltily wanted to walk out the door for even a couple minutes of peace from the chaos.

I hear all the time that I should cherish this time, as it will go quickly.  I already know it goes quickly.  I already miss the days that my eldest was a tiny baby.  I do my best to treasure every moment with my children, as I have known people that have lost their kids unexpectedly.  The very thought of losing my children makes me physically ill.  But is it really so bad to want the moments of yanking and pulling, incessant screaming, and blatant disobedience to move by a little faster?  I hate that I feel guilty for not enjoying these moments like I’m “supposed” to.

Life is such a conundrum, isn’t it?  I remember when my Mom first passed away, I wanted time to speed up so that I could be old and die and be with her again, while I simultaneously wanted life to slow down so I could take in every new baby smell and giggle from my girls.  I suppose the same goes for the action of cherishing this time with my kids.  I want the tantrums to speed by and the precious moments shown below to stand still in time.

Thankfully, my children, just as my husband, give me second chances.  They forgive me for all the wrong choices that I make, my unnecessarily raised voice, and my blindness to times that they just want my full attention and nothing more.  As Amy Krouse Rosenthal writes in her children’s book One Of Those Days, “Luckily, every single one of those days eventually turns into night.  And every single night turns into a brand-new day.”

So, here’s to a new day of second chances!  Without them, we’d all be alone.

Continue reading…

Be The Hero in Your Story

~ Sara W. ~ 2 Comments

Wow!  What a difference a week makes.  I just returned from my first cruise ever.  More amazing than that, my husband and I survived 15+ hours of plane travel with three young children.  One of those children being a 20-month-old with a cold.  It’s one of those experiences that you would put on your Mom resume if such a thing existed: Kept a cheerful disposition and patience under physical and emotional duress including, but not limited to, incessant screaming, clawing at the face, smacking, kicking, tears, and general tantrums.

It was all worth it though for the wonderful memories that were had with my husband’s family.  With family all over the United States, it’s a rarity to all be together at the same place and time.  Heck, it was a rarity for us to all be in the same place and the same time on the ship.  They keep you so busy with activities.  One of my favorite portions of the cruise though were the nightly shows.

On our second night on the boat, they had this live show called Villain’s Tonight! featuring Disney villains in a comedic revue-style performance.  It wasn’t my favorite of the stage performances we saw, but it had this line that struck me as poignant.

“Every story needs a villain or else the hero has nothing to do.”

Through my understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I have always understood that there must needs be opposition in all things.  This understanding has helped me to cope with bad things happening to good people.  Certainly, I am not wishing the worst of “villains” into anyone’s life.  I am more focused on the latter part of the line.  Opposition gives us something to do.  It gives us the opportunity to shine.

I didn’t feel like a hero at the end of our travels yesterday.  I felt completely depleted and defeated.  The flight on the way to our cruise was no different.  One of my son’s fits on that journey literally left me in tears.  But I survived both of these days of travel with little regrets on my own behavior.  I actually was laughing at the end of the final flight where my son screamed from the depths of his bowels for the final 35 minutes of a two hour flight on a puddle jumper sized plane.   I actually felt that I handled it as gracefully as I could considering the circumstances.  I don’t consider my son a villain, but rather the situation as being the villain.  And while I may have felt physically and emotionally spent, I was in fact a hero in that situation and my husband my trusty side-kick.

For years, I have been my own villain.  There was a hero within me hoping to do something beyond the mundane.  The problem though is that I let my internal villain convince the internal hero that there was nothing to do.  That’s a pretty convincing villain.  The worst thing you could feel is apathy.  Even anger can have a more positive impact than apathy in some cases.  While I have no concept of what pains African Americans have suffered throughout history, I imagine anger might have been one of the emotions Rosa Parks felt that day she refused to give up her seat on a bus in 1955.  Being fed up with the unequal treatment and taking action is what led her to become an icon in the civil rights movement.  The villain in her story was prejudices and she did something to become the hero.

The Villains Tonight! quote made me want to share the insight I had on looking at opposition as an opportunity to do something good, to be something better, to bring more light into the world.

As I type this post, I’m reminded of another hero; my nephew, Johnny.  He is a hero to me and so many others.  He is the unfailing hero in his own story.  He was born with Down Syndrome.  One of the biggest obstacles he has faced as a result of this genetic disorder is poor muscle tone.  Typical physical milestones were not met at the customary age for an infant and toddler.  But you know what?  My precious nephew has officially seen the rewards of his heroic efforts.  He took his first unassisted steps last week during the same week that he celebrated his second birthday.  Such an example to us all of what we can accomplish when we do something and push ourselves forward.  He endured countless hours of physical therapy and worked his way up to this milestone with the undying love and support of his parents, nanny, and so many others.  His parents, my brother and his wife, are also heroes to me.  They felt, what I am told is, the common mourning process of realizing that their child will not be typical only to find that the joy of being a parent to a child with Down Syndrome is a blessing beyond words.  They have given so much of themselves physically and emotionally into my sweet little nephew.  They are reaping all the rewards that come from being selfless; from being a hero.  They have this happy little face enriching their lives daily.

The villains in our lives do not take the form of a monstrous lady octopus or a crazed witch offering us an apple in a dark forest.  Our villains are the daily opposition we face in its most tumultuous and simplest forms.  Real life villains come in the form of illnesses needing to be fought, bills needing to be paid, addictions needing to be broken, hearts needing to be mended, responsibilities needing to be met, dreams needing to be obtained, children needing our patience and countless more. We have the opportunity to be the hero and to do something good rather than nothing.  I am choosing to be the hero in my own story just as my nephew has chosen to do so in his.

As a footnote, this month is Down Syndrome Awareness Month.  If you have the means to do so, I invite you to visit the National Down Syndrome Society’s website and donate to the cause.

Continue reading…

Life’s Little Equations

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

My eldest is an amazing artist for a 7-year-old.  Honestly, I think she’s a pretty good artist for any age.  She draws better at the age of 7 than I do at 32-years-old.  Admittedly, I am not a very good artist.  Stick figures are practically a challenge for me.  Though my sweet daughters would tell you that I’m an excellent artist, I’ve accepted my lack of artistic abilities.  Unfortunately, my middle child has not come to accept that her drawings will not be as precise as her big sister’s work.

I happen to love my middle child’s drawings.  I think they are full of personality and improving each day, as do all things we practice at.  Sadly, she makes the mistake that many of us do by comparing ourselves to people who have had years of additional practice.

A friend of mine and I fall victim to this same detrimental thinking even in adulthood.  This blog is a perfect example.  My friend was encouraging me to start a blog since she thought I had good insight to share and that I wrote well.  My response to her was that there is nothing that I can say that someone hasn’t already said and, frankly, said better.  My natural instinct is to discredit all that I am because there are many out there who are more qualified.  How unfair is that to myself?

This same friend, who serves as one of my main cheerleaders, has recently decided to take up drawing and painting.  With no effort in years to draw or paint, she has already produced amazing pieces of art.  Every compliment I give her, she responds with, “Oh, please.  This is not good.  You should see this one artist’s work.”  She’s not trying to be modest.  She genuinely thinks her art is no big deal.  But it IS!  It’s fabulous!

Why do we do this to ourselves?

In my efforts to comfort my 5-year-old who was in tears this past weekend over her perceived lack of drawing abilities, I found myself pondering what I was saying to her.  I realized I should be listening to the words coming out of my mouth.  I was so frustrated that she didn’t understand how gifted she was and how comparing herself to someone who has had years of additional practice is irrational.

Wasn’t I just like my little one?  She wanted me to draw the pictures for her because she thought so little of her own drawings.  I didn’t want to put my fingers to the keyboard for the very same reason.  Someone can do it better.  But, can they?  Someone may always be a better artist, a better musician, a better writer, etc.  But will they put in it what only YOU can put into your work?  Your soul.  Your individual beautiful soul.

This all came to a huge AH-HA moment when I was reading to my middle child the book she brought home from her school library.  It was a delightful book called This Plus That: Life’s Little Equations.  I loved the darling drawings and great message, but boy did it hit home when I saw these two pages:

As long as we put our soul into something, what does it matter how fantastic or dull it is?  The irony is that my daughter rated this book 2 out of 3 stars.  I would have given it 10 stars, if the scale allowed.  Not everyone is going to appreciate every little thing that we do and create.  But as long as we keep practicing and trying and putting it out there, someone is bound to find joy in our work.  At the very least, if we put our soul in it, then we alone should find beauty in it.
We should also keep in mind that our soul does not have to be put into every one of these things.  I’m okay with my lack of artistic abilities, because I don’t enjoy drawing in the first place.  I have neither practiced nor put my soul into drawing for that very reason.  I enjoy literature very much so that is where I will put my soul.  I’ll also dabble in music and dance, as my heart delights in those things.
Our souls are beautiful. I say we practice sharing them whether it be through color, words, sound, or movement.  The more we practice, the better we will be at mastering something, or so this same book tells me.

The inside flaps of the book claim that this book was designed for ages 4-8.  I beg to differ.  I think this book’s message is for all ages.  I know this 32-year-old definitely needed the Color + Words + Soul = Uplifting Message.

Continue reading…