First Friday Finds: Voxer

October 5, 2013February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

This month’s First Friday Find isn’t anything terribly new on the scene, but there seem to be many who do not know of the app called Voxer. It can be used on both iPhones and Androids and it has made my life easier and more connected in a world that is getting busier with less personal communication. Voxer is basically a glorified Walkie-Talkie.

The app’s description can explain it better than I can: Voxer allows you to easily and instantly communicate with one friend or a group of friends. Friends can listen to your message while you talk, or check audio messages later. Forget about separate phone calls, voicemails, text messages, and e-mails. With Voxer you can instantly send audio, text, photos, and share your location.

I have made several attempts to convince people of the benefits of this app. Many of my friends have joined in the fun. However, I’ve received several naysayers as well. I thought I would address all the naysayers remarks with my own rebuttal.

Naysayer #1: If I want to talk to someone, I can just call them.
Rebuttal: Yes, but hardly anybody seems to call anymore. Some don’t even pick up the phone when you do call.
Real-life Example: My friend has a sister that she rarely has a chance to talk with on the phone. The sister had shied away from family since she did not feel like she was really fitting in with their expectations. A phone call felt a little too intimidating. My friend convinced her sister to get on Voxer. The sisters are now communicating on a weekly, if not daily, basis whereas before they were not talking at all. It’s a little less intrusive but still allows for communication.

Naysayer #2: I can just text someone.
Rebuttal: This saves you the cramped fingers from those long texts. Plus, being able to hear the inflection in one’s voice omits all those texts where you can’t tell if someone is kidding or just really stinkin’ rude. Lastly, though it’s not my preferred method of communication, texting can also be done within this app.
Real-life Example: My message gets across quicker and I can be the sarcastic goofball that I am without having to worry about hurt feelings or misinterpreted texts.

Naysayer #3: Isn’t it just like leaving a Voice-mail?
Rebuttal: How annoying is it to have to dial in to your VM? Perhaps I’m just lazy, but I really hate having to go through the dialing and connecting process for a simple Voice-mail.
Real-life Example: I’m saving minutes and time!

Naysayer #4: I just don’t get the point.
Rebuttal: See Real-life Example below.
Real-life Example: I am a Mom who is on the move. Sometimes my friends and I get behind and we’re late picking up kids. We quickly Vox each other and let the other adult know that we’re on our way. I can send a Voxer to all of my girlfriends easily and let them know that I’m taking my kids to the park and all are welcome. I can let my husband know that I’m getting gas really quick before I come home from my errands without having to connect my Bluetooth or pull over and text. I can let a friend know that I am in the area and about to return something to them that I have borrowed so they have a heads up. I can stay connected with my family and friends who live miles apart and oftentimes keep different hours. This allows them to listen when they have a free moment and respond at their convenience. Even more fun, my kids LOVE to leave messages for their friends.

Here’s the biggest reason I like Voxer though. I think of loved ones in my life more times than they would ever know. I may hear a song, remember a funny inside joke, or see a silly thing in a store that reminds me of them. Half the time I have that thought and my friends and family never know they were thought of that day. With the ease of Voxer, I’m able to snap a picture and explain why it made me think of them. I’m able to give them an update on life that will not be showing up in their Facebook feed. I’m able to quickly send a message of gratitude that might have otherwise gone unsaid. We may say we’ll call, we’ll text, or visit, but sadly many of those actions don’t come to pass. Voxer may seem like a poor substitute for other more personal communication, but when you’re not connecting at all, it brings more valuable connection than Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and texting combined.

Voxer brings a more real connection in a world that seems to be setting less time aside for face-to-face communication and phone calls. You may prefer talking on the phone versus this option but, if the other end never picks up, then your preference is null and void.

Acquired Tastes Not Required

September 24, 2013February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

A friend of mine recently gave me a CD to listen to with her favorite cover songs on it. If you’re not familiar with a cover song, it’s when a music artist does their own rendition of a song that’s already been made popular previously. Some covers are better than the original. Others are not.

Most of the songs on this CD were covers performed by a duo named Tuck & Patti. I can honestly say it was difficult for me to sit through the songs performed by Tuck & Patti. As I was listening, I remembered that my friend’s husband had mentioned that his wife’s taste in music was weird. I didn’t want him to be right. I wanted to side with her. Sadly, I couldn’t.

How do you break it to someone dear to you that you don’t like something they have given you? I decided to not bring it up at all. A week or so later, she asked me what I thought of the songs. I’ve never had a good poker face and I hate to lie, so I fessed up that I wasn’t too keen on the music. She seemed visibly heart-broken. Not so much about the fact that I didn’t like it. More of the fact that I didn’t see the beauty in it and that she and I didn’t share that bond.

I felt for her. When I’m so in love with something, I want everyone to love it as much as I do. The hope that if they gave it a try it would bless their lives in the same manner that it has blessed mine. It doesn’t always work out in my favor. Even worse, I sometimes have taken it personal; as though them not liking something I care so deeply about somehow implies that they don’t like me.

I was determined to give the songs another go. My friend had expressed how a couple of the songs were her absolute favorite songs ever. I could tell by her demeanor that these weren’t just any old song, these were meaningful and rich songs for her. I listened a second time.

This time, I decided to listen as though I was my friend. I was driving at the time, but I pretended that I was in the comfort of my home and I was alone in a room reflecting on the beauty and passion of the song. I started to see it a little bit. For a moment, I understood how she could find these covers powerful. Then, out of nowhere, my natural instinct came back and I couldn’t handle another second of the song. Sometimes you can acquire a taste for something. Other times not.

Our life here in Oregon is an excellent example of differing opinions. Our whole family instantly fell in love with our new hometown when we moved here late last year. The weather, slower pace, strong community feel, and general splendor has swept us away. I want all my loved ones to come move here so that they can enjoy the same blessings. However, this weather and lifestyle is not for all. I need to remember that. I wonder if we sometimes spend more time trying to be salesmen rather than listeners.

COMMERCIAL BREAK: When I was 19, I applied at GAP for a sales position. The woman took my application and informally asked me a couple questions. One of those questions was, “Why do you think you’d be a good fit to work at GAP?” My response, “Because I won’t force anybody to buy what they don’t want to buy.” Epic fail. I knew it the moment I said it. Worst answer ever for a sales position interview. NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING.

Maybe we’re not salesmen, but rather judges? Do we spend too much time thinking of why our likes and interests are better than others? Or worse, do we like what pop culture tells us to like for fear that our own ideas will be mocked? Certainly, I’m old enough now to not feel that pressure. I don’t imagine our youth today are afforded that same luxury. I recall a friend confessing to me, when we were teenagers, that she didn’t want to tell anybody about her interests because two of our mutual friends would inevitably tease her and find fault in her opinion. What a sad way to run a friendship.

I think it’s important that we hear one another out, even if that hearing means listening to a CD of songs that you care little for. Continue to share your interests in hopes of sharing that special bond, but don’t shy away the moment interests differ.

In my teenage years, I recall walking around in bookstores and mocking the people in the Fantasy and Sci-Fi section. I was certain that I would never be with any guy who was in to such silly things. Truly, this fact was on my childish list I had made of the “perfect guy.” No Fantasy or Sci-Fi nerds. Well, guess what? I married a Dungeons and Dragons’ playing, The Hobbitloving, fantasy monster drawing, Sci-Fi nerd. And, surprisingly enough, he is the perfect guy for me. My husband and I see eye-to-eye on all of the important stuff in life. That’s what matters.

We would all do a whole lot better focusing on what we have in common versus where we differ. I have no plans to listen to Tuck & Patti for pleasure, but I will gladly take all the custard that I despise out of my donut so that this same friend can have a double dose of the custard she craves in her donut. And we will sit and enjoy each other realizing our mutual love for donuts is the only bond we need.

My goal is to stop trying to sell people things that I love or assume that if something makes me happy then it will make everyone happy. Based on my interview with GAP alone, I’m not really cut out for sales in the first place. I’m hoping to do a better job of finding out what other’s interests are and hope that such actions don’t always result in a CD of Tuck & Patti. Sometimes I may get lucky with the recommendation of a funny show, a yummy treat, or a great book. More than anything, I want to encourage my loved ones to enjoy the things that make them happy rather than try to convince them that they are somehow missing out on life because they aren’t interested in the same things as me. We can’t all be Princess Bride quoting, New Girl watching, Blind Pilotsinging goofballs like myself. It’s inconceivable.

Real Is In

August 28, 2013February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

My friend posted a video on her Facebook page yesterday about Pinterest Perfection. In the video it speaks to the impossible task of living up to the Pinterest world. At one point, the woman confesses, “Real is in.” Well, if real is in, I’m about to give our readers a full dose of real.

Do you remember my post two months ago entitled No Excuses, No Explanations? Well, I’m stocked full of them right now. You may or may not have noticed that I did not post last week. I noticed because it got added on to my list of reasons why I’m feeling like a pure flop right now. Are you ready?

I was already feeling blue before last week even hit me. Three out of my four closest friends in my new hometown somehow managed to plan all of their end-of-summer vacations at the same time. How dare they, huh? Add on that my BFF (Best Friend Forever) was visiting from Southern California and she left to go home on Monday. Post-BFF blues kicked in. Add on that my husband had been working crazy long hours. Are you seeing how my social support was lacking? That’s a sure sign of impending doom for my emotional well-being.

Then last Tuesday, I tweaked my back in the morning during a routine struggle to get my son in his high chair. I could tell right away it wasn’t good. I tried to work through the pain. I couldn’t take any of my known remedies, as there was a small chance that I was pregnant. As a result, I was left with Tylenol and ice as my only relief. Thankfully, I live in a very supportive community. I had a friend come and put my son down in his crib for his nap. That allowed for some rest on my end too.

So as not to drag out the story, I will sum this portion up with the basics. Husband called off from work, a trip to the ER was had, tests confirmed I was not pregnant so I could receive appropriate medication, x-ray showed a straight spine in all the wrong places, and my legs were completely uneven. In short, pain killers and muscle relaxers were not going to give me enough relief to get back to better. Plus, we had to cancel a destination wedding we had planned to attend this past weekend since driving for hours on end would be physically impossible.

Then, hormones hit. Oh, blasted hormones. How I despise you! As if pain hadn’t made me grouchy enough, hormones had to arrive on the scene. Sadly, my family were the real victims in this downward spiral. My eldest daughter took the brunt of it.

Every single time I think I’m going to seriously lose my mind with my eldest, I am forced to look at myself in the mirror. Does anybody else out there sometimes turn in to this ugly person that affects the behavior of all those around them for the worst? Generally, I would like to think that I bring out the best in others. That was certainly not the case this past week. I would gladly have preferred being sent away from society so as not to emotionally damage those in contact with me.

So, as things were looking particularly bleak, I began to add on more negative thoughts to really make the week eventful. I started to think of all the things I was NOT doing right. Our budget is a good example. Two pay periods of following the budget. Then BAM! Back to School needs hit. Now, I’m over budget, lacking in my usual social support, taking things out on those I love most, in pain, and fighting my primal desire to turn in to a werewolf the way Jacob does in The Twilight Series.

I managed to hold it together enough by continually pondering this analogy I once read: If you get a flat tire, you fix it and get back on the road. You don’t go and poke holes in the remaining three tires.

I really did try the best that I could to stop jamming a knife into my remaining three tires. My husband may say differently. He said one of my screaming fits with my eldest was almost comical. He referenced remarks made in Bill Cosby, Himselfwhen Bill Cosby speaks about how his wife was once beautiful and then she had kids. It may sound hurtful, but truly it’s the most honest bit of comedy gold when he describes how children change us.

I really was trying, then nature poked a hole in one of my remaining tires. I came down with what feels like a sinus infection. Surprisingly though, I’m surviving today better than I anticipated.

My friends have returned from their vacations, the close friend that tended to me all week is still talking to me, I had additional friends help me out, my husband and children seem to still think I’m pretty special, a Chiropractor visit made my legs the same length again, and we had a few fun and memorable things happen over this past week. My son said his first official word: shoe; and we hosted a last minute outdoor movie in our backyard with the help of some friends.

So, there’s a nice dose of real for you. Feel free to share some of the “real” you have going on in your life. I find that sometimes we just need to cry on the side of the road for a bit before we fix that flat tire and get back out there. My crying is done. Time to fix the flat.

The Power of a Bucket List

August 8, 2013February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments

When I was 19, I made a bucket list of 100 things I wanted to do before I died. I’m not sure if it speaks to my lack of ambition, but I only came up with 70 items for the list. I lost the list over the years. Then again, at the age of 24, I decided to make a new list. This time I would only have 50 items. I remember reaching 50 too quickly, but running out of the space I allotted in my journal for said list. At the time, I stuck with 50 even though I dreamed of more.

Flash forward to this summer. A friend sent us her Summer Buck List for her kids. A lofty 100 items. I recalled not doing so well with that amount. I saw that there were 70 days remaining in our summer and decided that one per day was feasible. That magic number of 70 returned. Here is what remained from my friend’s original document:

We have 26 days left of summer. I am happy to report that there are only 18 items remaining on our list. I’m not so happy to report that Microsoft Word does not recognize S’mores and pedi as real words. How is that possible? I suppose I get pedi, but S’mores? Really, Microsoft? You’re as bad as Scotty Smalls in The Sandlot.

Alas, I digress.

So many of the fun things we did this summer were a direct result of the inspiration and motivation of this list. One of my favorites of the summer was our Throwback Talent Show. Back in the Spring, a couple of my friends and I had discussed how fun it would be to hold a talent show where the adults had to do talents that they did as a kid and the kids got to do whatever they wanted. Honestly, I don’t think it would have come to pass had it not been on this list. Isn’t the excitement of checking something off a list worth the time to plan and coordinate an activity?

Sure, I humiliated myself by singing Bette Midler’s “From A Distance,” but it was well worth it! It was a blast to see everyone else’s talents and to just have some good ol’ fashion fun. I will say though that in hindsight, I wish I had chosen a cooler song in my youth when I sang in the talent show in the fifth grade.

Everyone that attended said that they had a great time, which is always nice to hear. The thing is that the whole endeavor was super easy. I stressed out a bit worrying whether or not it would turn out okay. That’s part of my nature. I’m a stressor. Other than the unnecessary stress I put on myself, it was a piece of cake. Yet it would not have happened had it not been on that Summer Bucket List.

So to you, dear bucket list, I thank you. To my friend who was motivated enough to make the original lofty bucket list for her kid’s summer, I thank you. I have had the best summer of my life thanks to this list. I’m sure it helps that my new hometown is a vacation destination for most.

Seeing the power of our Summer Bucket List made me ponder my Life Bucket List. I’m now 32 years old. I know where my 24-year-old bucket list is, but I want to revise it. I made that list based on things that I thought I wanted to do. I made it based on what I wanted to accomplish so that I could be as talented as others that I was constantly comparing myself to. For example, I had on there that I wanted to learn how to sew. The truth is that I don’t like sewing. I wanted to sew since I admired, translates as envied, what other woman could create. So, sewing goes off the list. But I keep on my list watching the TV show Saturday Night Live live, eating Italian food in Italy, and going horseback riding. Plus, I get the satisfaction of checking those items off like riding on a Zamboni and watching the sunrise on another continent that were on the original list.

Go ahead, make your own bucket list! It’s not too late! Make it all yours! It’s a powerful thing and it’s never too late to begin!

Celebrating Differences

July 21, 2013February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

I spotted this field of wildflowers on my way to a community event last night. I immediately noticed the sunflower sticking up amongst the flowers. It seemed to be such a powerful statement in so many ways; standing out above the rest, a ‘lone reed’ (Anybody else hear Frank Navasky’s line from You’ve Got Mail when they hear those words?), or perhaps the idea of different but equal? The latter was the pressing thought in my head.

Through a variety of situations this past week, I had the chance to contemplate why something being different often gets translated to it being bad. Surely, the photo above would debunk such thinking. The wildflowers and the sunflower are different, but they are equal in beauty.

Most of us have been taught about such principles all our lives whether it was in a children’s cartoon, after-school special, or history book. Heck, before my girls were even of school age they had seen a Strawberry Shortcake movie that made it clear that new kids with different interests doesn’t mean they’re bad people. Strawberry Shortcake is a reliable source.

Logically, I’d like to believe we all understand the concept. However, I feel like emotionally sometimes we’re not bringing the message home. I’m reminded of a test I had to take back at my first Full-time gig after college. It’s the Strengths Finder Test, originally put out by Gallup. Now they have a new and improved StrengthsFinder 2.0 book. In this book, you take a test to uncover your natural talents with the hope of utilizing those talents more in your daily life. The ultimate goal being to create a more fulfilling life. As it was explained to me at my company, we are not made up of weaknesses, but rather strengths that are more pronounced in some and less so in others. The idea that if we understood others strengths, perhaps we would all work together better?

For those looking to dissect me, my Top 5 Strengths at the time, out of a list of 34, were Responsibility, Relator, Input, Belief and WOO (Winning Others Over). My absolute lowest strength was Competition. I’m certain my line-up would change if I were to take it now, a decade later.

Keeping these strengths in mind, I reflect on a dear friend back in Southern California; where I lived my entire life up until 8 months ago. I met this friend seven years ago. While I enjoyed her company upon first meeting her, I can honestly say we did not “click” right away. We had much in common, but we also had a lot of differences. Differences that I guess kept me from nurturing the friendship. It wasn’t until 3 years after our meeting that she and I grew closer. I truly believe that the shift came when we acknowledged our differences and embraced our similarities. Not only did we acknowledge them, we teased each other about them in a loving way. We celebrated them.

This friend had taken the same Gallup Strengths Finder test and, if I recall, three of my top strengths were at the bottom of her list of strengths and Competition was her top strength. Had I let our polar opposite personality strengths rule the friendship, I would not be fortunate enough to call her a dear and true friend now.

Let’s think on an even larger scale. I recently had the opportunity to read Outliers: The Story of Success. There was an immensely intriguing chapter titled “The Ethnic Theory of Plane Crashes ‘Captain, the weather radar has helped us a lot.” Yes, the chapter title really is that long. This particular quote really grabbed me:

“Why are we so squeamish? Why is the fact that each of us comes from a culture with its own distinctive mix of strengths and weaknesses, tendencies and predispositions, so difficult to acknowledge? Who we are cannot be separated from where we’re from – and when we ignore that fact, planes crash.”

It truly is a fascinating book, particularly that chapter. It addresses the impact that our cultural differences have on different aspects of our daily lives. Acknowledging those differences in a healthy manner, and perhaps incorporating those differences where appropriate, would do us all some good.

I had a flashback this very moment of my first month of marriage. My husband was in our little apartment kitchen cutting an orange. To my shock, he was not cutting it the proper way. I felt the need to inform him of his erroneous ways. He kindly responded to my remarks with, “Just because I do it differently, doesn’t mean I do it wrong.” Ironically, I now cut an orange the way he cut it those many years ago.

All these random thoughts aside, the real inspiration for this post was my realization this week that it’s okay to be different. I knew that on a larger scale, but I don’t think I had comfortably applied it to my individual personality. It’s tough when people don’t behave or respond to situations the way we would or feel they should. I’m certain I’ve offended many a person with strengths of my own that were not appreciated by those with a different set of strengths.

A simple example being that one of my top strengths is a Relator, a person who thrives on close intimate relationships. The Includer strength, someone who looks to draw others in so that they can feel the warmth of the group, was towards the bottom of my list. I have been the kind recipient of many a sweet Includer, but sadly it is not my natural strength. I find smaller gatherings more meaningful and fulfilling. As a result, I don’t always expand the circle as others might.

I’m finding that I’m growing more comfortable with who I am. It must be one of the perks of maturing. It’s finally starting to feel okay for my strengths to be what they are instead of comparing myself to the strengths of others. Different is okay.

As with my friend back in SoCal, whom I miss more than I was prepared for, I hope to find more joy in recognizing differences, incorporating them as appropriate and, above all, celebrating them.

Facebook Falsehoods

June 26, 2013February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

Social Media has taken over most of our lives. I’m as guilty as the next person. I only have three friends that I can think of that have made a vow never to get on to Facebook or Instagram. They don’t even have a blog for me to stalk. How is a social media stalker, like myself, supposed to keep tabs on my friends’ lives? Oh yeah, that’s right, we still have phones. Though it seems as though picking up a phone and talking to someone in real time has become archaic.

Alas, this post isn’t to rant about the lost art of proper communication. This post is to address the falsehoods that arise from checking Facebook and any other social media for that matter. The falsehood being the feeling that you are doing nothing while everyone else is doing everything.

I can’t imagine that I am the only victim of this falsehood. Or rather, I hope I’m not the only victim. Logically, I have it on good authority that nobody is perfect nor are they living a perfect life free of strife. However, emotionally, I sometimes feel like my Facebook friends are forever vacationing, those I follow on Pinterest are always doing fun crafts with their kids, and the blogs I read are comprised of families living the perfect life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking for those I “stalk” to post all their dirty laundry. Quite the contrary. I want to teach myself to realize that these moments in time that are posted are just that; moments.

Sure everyone seems to be on vacation right now and I’m sitting in a city with gloomy weather this week. But guess what? Next week is supposed to be sunny and I have plans to float the river with my family. And you know what? I’ll probably post a picture about it. I won’t post it to rub it in any one’s face that I’m doing something grand and they’re not. I’ll post it because it’s a fun memory and I want to share it.

So, I’ll talk myself down from my Facebook Falsehood and then I’ll go on to Pinterest. Oh, Pinterest, why do you taunt me so?

The hardest thing to see on Pinterest, for me, are the millions of crafts and things you can do with your kids. Each kids craft I see elicits two immediate thoughts: 1) That’s cool, and 2) I’m such a bad Mom. Without fail, I see some hands on activity done with kids and I automatically think of all the things I am NOT doing for my kids that apparently every other Mom is doing.

I’ve recently realized that I was clicking on crafts that five separate Moms had posted as having done with their kids. The problem is that I was turning those five separate women into one perfect Mom. One woman might post a craft that prepares their child for Kindergarten, another has a quiet book they hand-made to keep their children behaved in waiting rooms, another parent will post about making play dough from scratch, another has made a board game that teaches their kids about numbers, and yet another will have posted a meal that has been cut into different shapes to entice their children to eat their vegetables. Perhaps there is a Mom that has done all of these 5 things. I’d like to believe she is not doing it all in one day nor everyday. She is doing it in “moments.”

This happened today. I let the kids put every clip we owned into my hair and I wore it out in public. This isn’t going to end up on Pinterest. It’s certainly not a cute craft that is sweeping the Internet. However, I imagine it will be something my kids remember. They were having a blast disowning me in public. But, in case there was some doubt, I do not do this everyday. I did it for a moment.

I live a life filled with significant and insignificant moments. Some days I have the courage to go out looking silly and other days I don’t have the energy to even face the world. Please know that I am not a woman solely made up of Facebook posts nor are any of the other people you follow.

Do not fall in to the trap of comparing your life of one single person against the combined total of every talent, vacation, success, and virtue of your entire social media list. You will never win that battle. Think of the rich blessings you have that aren’t being posted. Your talents, whether big or small, that are not receiving media attention of any kind. We have a choice to be grateful. More important than that, we owe it to ourselves to live in a reality. Unrealistic comparisons and beliefs of the grandeur of others’ lives sounds nightmarish.

Take a moment and look at the things you DO have going for you in your life. Sometimes reality can be better than our dreams; sometimes it’s not. Then, make a point this week to touch base with a loved one outside of a social media and find out how their “reality” is going this week. You might find yourself more likely to relate to the following quote upon doing so:

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
“What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

– C. S. Lewis

Honesty Shared

May 26, 2013February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

Starting at a young age, I got called “Mom” a lot. I even recall my own Mom and brothers responding to my remarks with an, “OK, Mom.” As I grew older, the term would be used amongst friends, then co-workers. I always took it as a compliment. I see now that it wasn’t always delivered as such. Nevertheless, I thought the term implied that I was a natural at being a Mom. On the day my eldest was born, I learned that Motherhood was not as natural as I had imagined.

Abigail joined our family 6 weeks earlier than her expected arrival. Just prior to delivery, my nurse came in to inform me that there would be more nurses than usual in the room to prepare for any possible complications, as a result of her premature arrival. At the time, I thought nothing of how this was not going along with my preconceived idea of having a baby. I was too scared for any reflection on the scenario. Before I knew it, I delivered Abby, they checked her out, cleaned her up, let me kiss her cheek, snapped a picture, and they whisked her off to the NICU. It was one of the most amazing feelings to know I helped bring life into the world. I had delivered a baby. I was on cloud nine. Complete euphoria.

It would be three more days before I held her in my arms. She was still covered in cords and surrounded with so much padding that it was tough to really hold her close to me. Postpartum emotions were starting to set in, my body was not healing properly, breast-feeding was completely unsuccessful and I was growing tired of the multiple trips to and from the NICU. I wanted my baby home.

Then she came home. A few days into her being home, I began to realize that this whole situation had not gone as planned. I was supposed to deliver a healthy baby girl, they were supposed to clean her up and lay her in my arms, I would then get a picture of that magical moment when the baby looks in her Mom’s eyes and the Mom still has that birth glow, then I would start to breast-feed my baby and she would take to it perfectly. Motherhood is natural and naturally that’s how things should’ve gone in my eyes.

Yet nothing felt natural. My daughter was colicky, she had acid reflux, and she didn’t seem to like me very much. Suddenly, I found myself in the depths of depression. I realized that Postpartum depression (PPD) had happened to me without me even realizing it. It snuck in and set up shop.

Addressing the topic of PPD is for another post at another time. This post is to tell you of an unforgettable conversation I had with a woman about a month after I delivered Abby. So, I told you all of that, to tell you this…

The conversation is still so vivid that I can see where I’m standing, which way I’m facing, and what the weather was like outside the adjacent window. The woman was a friend of mine who was a young Mom like me. I had conveniently hid all of my feelings of sadness to the outside world, as my heart was filled with too much shame over the matter. We were having small talk about having a baby when she asked me how I was doing. I must have made some comment hinting to my true feelings. She shared with me how difficult it was for her when she first had her baby. She shared that she was jealous that her husband got to go to work and she had to stay home.

It seems like such an uninfluential remark to make about being a new Mom, but she changed my way of thinking in that very moment. She was basically telling me that it’s not perfect for her. Up until that point, I had only heard perfect stories. Since then, I have heard many an imperfect birth story. The birth of my second child could be added to the imperfect birth story list. However, at the time, this woman was doing something I had yet to hear. She was being honest with me about matters that so many women aren’t honest about.

In the hustle of people around us, she ended up having to leave. I remember so desperately wanting to talk to her more. I wanted to know that I would be okay. I wanted to know that what I was feeling didn’t have to be shameful. I loved and adored my daughter, but why wasn’t the bond that I had envisioned there between us? I thought maybe this woman might have more answers for me.

I don’t remember the conversation ever getting picked back up later. All I know is that from that day forward, I started to let some of my real feelings slip out into conversations. I started to feel less shame. I got help through medication and didn’t hide that I had done so. I warned mothers-to-be of the potential of PPD. I opened myself up to being more vulnerable.

I don’t introduce myself with a list of my short-comings and vices. However, as people take the time to get to know me, I take the time to share me; the real me. That’s one of the main reasons that I want to do this blog. I want to share me. Someone shared their real feelings with me and it helped get me through a dark time. My goal is to pay that same gift forward.

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