Because of Him

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment
Earlier in the year, I contributed on the blog Over the Big Moon.  I have been making a point to include all of my posts that were previously on their site over here on my site.  This is the final post that I have to transfer.  The post below was previously published on Easter Sunday.  I felt that it would be fitting to share it this month, as we approach this sacred holiday in which we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, who atoned for our sins so that we may have eternal life.

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Today is a significant day for Christians all over the world.  It is Easter Sunday.  A day in which we celebrate the resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  Through out this past week, I saw a series of posters created by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sharing the different blessings we have received because of Him, our Savior.  The one that left the deepest impression on my heart was the one that stated, “No goodbye will last forever.”  Perhaps the reason this poster touched me the most is because today also happens to mark the anniversary of my mom’s passing.  Six years ago, to the day and date, my siblings and our spouses surrounded my mother, as she slipped from this life in to the next.


As I sit here and contemplate all the many blessings that we receive through the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, I marvel at how I’ve witnessed those blessings first hand in the lives of so many, myself included.  I think of my own Mom’s life and how she struggled for so many years.  While I do not know all the sins and troubles my mother bore, I know that in her final years on this earth, she did all that she knew how to change her life around and make it Christ-centered.  She had expressed to me at one point how much she mourned all the wrong that she had done.  At that same time, I watched firsthand as the power of forgiveness worked in her life.  I watched as she touched the hearts of all those she came in contact with, I watched as she showed mercy to others that she saw suffering similar trials, I watched as she exemplified strength with each hideous chemo session she had to endure, and I watched as she made every effort to make every moment count with her children and grandchildren.  My Mom left behind an amazing testimony of the strength and peace that comes from living a Christ-centered life.  What she left for me, and her posterity, is an example of each and every blessing we are afforded through Jesus Christ.


While it’s difficult that the anniversary of her passing lands on Easter this year, I am finding comfort in the significance of the sacred holiday as it pertains to my Mom’s life and my eternal perspective.  Upon reading and watching the above mentioned messages and applying it to the tender matters of my heart, I have gained a greater understanding of Easter.  It is not just that we celebrate that He is risen.  It is the realization of all that we receive through His atoning sacrifice and resurrection.  Because of Him we are given second chances, mercy, comfort, hope, and eternal life.  How grateful I am for each of these blessings.

All that being said, it was hard this week to recognize the blessings that come from the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I suppose my load just felt too heavy to bear.  Sadly, I spent a good portion of Wednesday focusing on all the things I had been “robbed” of by the premature passing of my Mom.  I found myself experiencing feelings of anger and resentment all over again.  I subconsciously made the decision to focus on all the “have nots” in my life and began to feel sorry for myself.  I think what it comes down to is that the depth of my heartache was too heavy to bear…alone.  That was my problem.  I was trying to do it alone.  I needed to give my burdens to the Lord and open my heart up to those with whom He has placed in my life as a tender mercy.  Even though night was falling by the time I opened up to my husband, and then to my friends, my day was growing brighter; my load was lighter.  

That is the message of Easter, is it not?  It is a message of life and light, mercy and hope.  Without my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I imagine I would spend more of my days feeling the desperation and loneliness that I felt this past Wednesday.  While those feelings are reasonable to feel from time to time, I don’t recommend soaking in them, as I did.  All it led to was a whole lot of crying.  I couldn’t help but think of Marjorie Hinckley’s quote the following morning when I awoke with swollen, burning eyes and a terrible headache, “The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”  So today, even as I managed to do the actual morning of my Mom’s passing, I will choose to laugh.  May your Easter, and your life, be filled with the mercy and hope that comes through our Savior.  And may you know, as I do, that because of Him no goodbye will last forever.
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Don’t Waste Time with Worry

~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments

As I have shared previously in my posts (Stroke of Luck, The Truthiness About Strength, and Living Cheerfully Amidst Trials), I recently suffered from a stroke, which led to a serendipitous find of a tumor in my optic nerve.  The tumor is currently deemed as stable, thankfully.  What I had not previously shared is that the tumor’s location is indicative of a tumor disorder called Neurfibromatosis Type 1 (NF-1).  The long and short of it is that it causes a person to get tumors along the nervous system.  The spectrum of the tumor disorder ranges from a benign tumor that creates no pain to cancer and chemotherapy treatments.  I handled all that news okay.  It wasn’t until I put together the pieces that my daughter is showing the starting signs of this disorder and it is deemed much more dangerous for kids, that I became heartbroken.  However, I’m not here to discuss the battle that my daughter may or may not face.  What I wanted to share was some uplifting insight I had regarding events tied to this knowledge of hers and my health situation.


To understand my insight, you need to know that there is the potential for me to become blind and that my daughter may battle cancer before she’s eleven years-old.  Those are our worst-case scenarios right now and neither are pleasant.  That being said, I am currently not blind and my daughter currently does not have cancer.  Right now we just have the possibility of such an outcome.  Now, I have two options.  Option #1- I sit here and worry about the possibility of the worst-case-scenario outcomes and hypothesize how long before things start to deteriorate in each of our bodies.  In essence, I worry senselessly but try to pawn it off as though I’m just preparing myself for the future.  Option #2 – I let my worry go and embrace the able body and mind that she and I currently have.  In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m opting for the latter.  I was having this discussion with a friend of mine and she shared with me this awesome quote by Michael J. Fox that speaks to this matter, “Don’t spend a lot of time imagining the worst-case scenario.  It rarely goes down as you imagine it will, and if by some fluke it does, you will have lived it twice.”  This quote from a man who has suffered from Parkinson’s Disease for over twenty years and still continues his role as an actor and, now, an advocate for the disease.  Proof that we can’t let our worst-case scenarios keep us from living to our full potential.

This came to my mind again yesterday, as I drove my daughter three hours to the closest pediatric specialists available.  My daughter has become terrified of doctors ever since she underwent her second eye surgery two years ago.  As a result, my husband and I did tell her that they might need to do some tests, but we did not tell her that the tests would include them drawing her blood.  We didn’t see the point in having her worry about it for days.  I finally told her in the lab waiting room and as soon as her name was called she went into panic mode.  I physically dragged her into the lab, fought to get her jacket off, braced her down in my arms, and stayed strong while she yelled at me, “MOM! LET ME GO!”  Once the needle was in and she realized that it wasn’t that bad, she immediately calmed down and said, “Sorry; I was scared.  It was my first time.”  I had tried so desperately to explain to her that she was making it worse by freaking out and that it wasn’t nearly as bad as she thought it would be, but she just couldn’t believe me.  I even tried to reference the last time she freaked out at the doctors when her eyes needed to be dilated.  I reminded her that her tantrum then didn’t change the fact the dilation was going to happen, just as this blood draw was going to happen regardless.  She could either go about it calmly or freak out and make it worse.  Unfortunately, she chose the latter, but she assures me she will not freak out next time.

These events served as a confirmation that I don’t want to waste time worrying about the worst-case scenario.  I fell into this trap before when I was mourning my mom’s death while she was still alive.  I was wasting time fretting about how I wouldn’t survive once she was gone, instead of enjoying all the beautiful time that I still had left with her.  I’m thankful that I learned this lesson then, so that it could prepare me for the situation I currently find myself in now, where it would be so easy to cry over the possibility of me going blind and not see the life I currently live before me (pun intended).  My goal is to somehow instill this same lesson in my children’s hearts and hopefully save them some angst down the line.

This way of thinking has proved freeing for me.  I worry about the future from time to time, just as the next person, but somewhere along the way, I learned to embrace the present as well.  Right now, my daughter does not have cancer and I can see the world around me and that is a glorious feeling.  And if, by chance, she does get cancer and I do go blind, at least I can take comfort in knowing that I didn’t waste the time leading up to those events.  Plus, I will hopefully have gained a better understanding of the power of a positive attitude and use that strength in whatever battle me or my loved ones will have to face.

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First Friday Find: Three Life Hacks & 100th Post Giveaway

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

Can you believe it?  This marks my 100th post on this blog!  Pretty exciting stuff!  Let’s celebrate by doing a modest giveaway, as I’m a modest girl.  More details about the giveaway later in this post.

For those that are new to the site, I thought I would share a little about what a “First Friday Find” is here on First You Must Begin.  In short, it’s anything I find that is worth sharing.  The criteria I give myself when deciding what I share on the first Friday of each month is simply:  What is something I have discovered recently that is worth sharing in an effort to make other’s lives better or easier?  In the past year, First Friday Finds have ranged from an App I’m passionate about (Chatbooks), to a YouTube series that makes me laugh (True Facts), to a craft that was easy enough for me to pull off (Lost Socks), to a book that has helped me as a parent (The Care and Keeping of You) to a silly toy (Splat!) and beyond!  The best part is knowing that no person or company is paying me to say these things, so you can be at peace knowing that I only share from the heart.

That being said, this month’s First Friday Find is a life hack that I discovered while on vacation.  We recently visited family and friends down in Southern California.  A dear friend of ours was willing to host the shenanigans of a family of six and even convinced us that she was sad to see us go when it was time for us to leave.  Either she is an excellent actress or she really likes us.  I’m opting for the latter.  I digress.

When I was using her shower, I noticed that she had sliced a standard loofah sponge to use as a way of keeping the soap from sliding off of those forever-too-small-and-slippery coves for bathing products to sit on.  It seemed so simple and yet so ingenious to me.  Even better than not having to keep the soap from falling, was realizing that I could utilize the soap remnants that accumulated on the loofah sponge.  At the end of the shower, I took the loofah sponge and gave my feet a good scrub.  Huzzah!  A dual purpose life hack!

This life hack brought to my mind two additional life hacks that my husband has taught me from his experience working in the Emergency Department.

Thinking about giving your child a Popsicle and all you can envision is the sticky mess that will inevitably be all over their hands and the floor?  Try grabbing a paper or Styrofoam cup and slicing a hole in the bottom of it, then slide the Popsicle stick through the hole.  The base of the cup catches the drippings and makes for a quicker clean up process.  Styrofoam cups are best since they can be peeled away as the Popsicle gets smaller.  I had to pre-cut the paper cup shown, which slows down the process a bit.

The last life hack to share will be best appreciated by parents everywhere!  Getting an infant or toddler to successfully take a full dose of liquid medicine, when needed, is near impossible.  Before this trick, I would often be cleaning all the medicine from my baby’s face and neck versus knowing it was safely in his or her system.  Then I witnessed my husband’s technique to get medicine to go down versus coming out.  First, place the medicine dropper in the back corner of either side of their mouth.  I think most parents are aware of this step.  Next, dispense the medicine.  I suggest doing it in smaller portions of the complete dose.  Lastly, here comes the trick, give a quick blow in the the child’s face.  The surprise of the blow causes a reflex reaction for the child to immediately swallow.  TA DA!  Amazing, right?  I’ll be sure to pass along your gratitude to my husband.

Now that I’ve wowed you with these three life hacks, let’s talk about celebrating the fact that this is my 100th post.  Hang on to them hats and glasses, it’s gonna be a stellar giveaway (said in sarcastic voice)!  100 dimes just for you to honor my 100 posts!  That’s right! Ten whole dollars!  Let’s make it a little more personal and make it $10 to Target.  I told you I was modest.  Truthfully, that’s about all I can afford to giveaway this time of year.  I’m a stay-at-home mom with four kids, people!  However, I really am quite excited about reaching 100 posts and it’s been so much fun to develop this website, that I want to share the love!  I hope you’ll want to share the love too by entering the Rafflecopter giveaway below.

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A Modest Christmas Plan

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

Many of us have vivid memories from our youth of Christmas mornings.  Growing up, in my home, we first gathered in my parents room for family prayer.  Then, once my mom had gone downstairs and turned on all of the lights and sat in the optimal position for picture taking, we were allowed to come downstairs and look at the splendor that had magically arrived overnight.  My mom loved to spoil us, particularly on Christmas, so we always came down to a plethora of presents, whether we had the money for it or not.  Rumor has it, that on one Christmas, my brothers actually asked if they could take a break from opening gifts since they had so many.  In short, we wanted for nothing.  As I grew older, Christmases changed.  The more I understood about money, the less I expected to see under the tree.  But there were some growing pains for a few Christmases between the all-you-can-open Christmas and the it’s-not-just-about-presents Christmas.  I’d be lying if I didn’t confess that during my teens, I had longed for the Christmases I had come to expect at a very young age.  This provided a conundrum when it came to the Christmases that I provided for our family.  Should I give them the all-you-can-open Christmas I had missed during my teenage years?  Or do I give them something more, by giving them less?


I opted to give them something more on Christmas morning, by giving them less.  However, this was not the case during the first Christmases of our marriage.  This plan has evolved from other’s examples.  I have a friend who gets each of her kids just one gift.  I was astonished.  She told me that their grandparents get them so much that it would be crazy for she and her husband to buy any more than that.  I wasn’t bold enough to limit Christmas morning to one gift per child, but once I heard the idea of getting each child a want, a need, a wear, and a read, I was sold!  Thankfully, I heard of this while my eldest was still young enough not to recall those very first Christmases when this rule did not apply.  We started this tradition a couple years ago and now my kids know the drill.  They can ask for one thing that they want, I usually know of one thing that they need, and one thing to wear, and one thing to read.  Of course, I cheat a little, since they believe Santa also brings them one thing.  And their stockings are usually filled with some goofy little $1 toy, candy, and a new toothbrush.  Why I give a toothbrush for Christmas is beyond me, but it was always in my stocking, so it will be in theirs.

I really feel like this helps keep my kids expectations realistic and my checking account in the black.  Plus, it helps keep a balance between each child’s gifts.  My second oldest has asked for a princess doll set, she stands in need of snow boots, she loves to wear maxi skirts to church, and we all love the book Unicorn Thinks He’s Pretty Great by Bob Shea, so I buy those four and we move on to the next kiddo.  It’s a glorious plan that helps my sanity and my pocketbook.  Best of all, it’s a tradition that doesn’t over-indulge my children.

My hope is that they will always have warm memories of Christmas that will not be based on the amount of presents around the tree, but rather the amount of love shared with friends and family.

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Free Printable Christmas Season Bucket List

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

I’m a firm believer in holding off on all things Christmas until Thanksgiving has been fully celebrated and appreciated.  So, here I am, on the day after Thanksgiving to kick off the Christmas season!  I decided I would put together a fun little Christmas Season Bucket List, as I’m sure comes as no surprise.  Sadly, I only completed 16 of my 20 items on my Awesome Autumn Bucket List.  The following list is sure to be completed, as it is filled with all the things that our family loves to do every year around this beautiful time of year when we celebrate the birth of our Savior.

I like to post bucket lists on our refrigerator for reference!  This means that today the Awesome Autumn Bucket List comes down and this one goes up!  Feel free to download your own copy of this Christmas Season Bucket List!  May it help make your Christmas season merry and bright!

I love this time of year and I’m excited to spread the love and joy that it brings me!

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After publishing, I discovered typos in the Printable Christmas Season Bucket List.  In my effort to not take more time away from my infant son who patiently waited while I put this together, I will not be redoing this printable.  I apologize in advance if you decide to print this out and the typos bug you, as they do me.  Alas, my role as a mother takes priority.  Thank you in advance for understanding.

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Fall Craft: Leaf Mason Jars

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

Here in our neck of the woods, Fall is quickly becoming a thing of the past.  Winter greeted us with a significant snow storm that served as a reminder to get cracking on my Awesome Autumn Bucket List before I embrace the next season.  So, when I was walking the girls home from school, I told them to grab all the leaves they could find so that we could work on our Fall Craft, which was an item on our bucket list.  Sadly, we started this project too late in the season for it to be a complete success.  However, it still turned out pretty cute, so I thought I would share.

You may be asking yourself, “Hey, didn’t she say that she isn’t crafty?”  You are correct, I did say that.  But for some reason, if you put some sort of brush in my hand, it somehow seems easier for me to tackle.  This time it was a sponge brush to pull off the DIY Leaf Mason Jars that I found on Pinterest through the website Plan Provision.  It doesn’t provide much of a how-to on the site, but it does tell you what you’ll need.  The problem in our results was that I wasn’t aware that the leaves this late in the season would prove to be too crispy and therefore would not stick properly to the mason jars.  We had to cut up the leaves a bit to make them stick at all.  While I still think they turned out nice, I plan to do this project again next year earlier in the season for a more professional looking final product.

If you still have a bit off Fall hanging on where you live, you may want to give this project a go during your Thanksgiving break.  If, like us, winter is upon you, then keep this in mind for next year!  It really did add a beautiful effect to our dining room.  Even better, it left us one bucket list item closer to completing our goal of creating the most Awesome Autumn yet!

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Living Cheerfully Amidst Trials

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to speak at one of our church services on the topic of “be[ing] of good cheer.”  Since the topic happens to echo virtually the whole premise of my blog, I thought I would include a large portion of the talk here as this week’s post.  I hope you enjoy it!
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When I was in High School, I recall having a lot of fears and anxieties.  Most of my fears were of the unknown.  One fear in particular was the end of the world.  At the time, there were three movies out that were about the end of the world.  They terrified me.  I found myself preoccupied with the “how” and “when” the world might come to an end.  I also remember this specific time where I hoped that nothing bad would EVER happen to me.  I had an irrational understanding of how life worked.  I thought a life of roses and lilies would be the key to my happiness.  Thankfully, I’ve learned much since those high school days.  I’ve learned of all the beauty that comes from being faithful and enduring well through trials of all shapes and sizes.


In the Bible, the term “be of good cheer” is mentioned eight times.  Never once does the scripture read, “Be of good cheer and enjoy your life of roses and lilies and no problems.”  In fact, it’s quite the opposite.  In reading through them all, my take away is that we are asked to be of good cheer in times of adversity.

These things I have spoken unto you, 
that in me ye might have peace.  
In the world ye shall have tribulation: 
but be of good cheer;
I have overcome the world.
– John 16:33

We each have adversity in our life in different forms.  Some are dealing with heartache, some financial struggles, some temptation and so on…

Recently, for me, it’s been my health.  Nearly four months ago, I gave birth to our fourth child.  One week and one day later, I suffered a significant stroke.  Thankfully, I’ve had a full recovery.  I had a mini-stroke previously, but this experience was much more disturbing.  Upon reviewing my MRI, it was found that I have a tumor in my optic nerve.  At this time, the tumor is considered stable, but obviously it weighs on my mind (pun intended, because humor helps).  The reality though is that I will likely have another stroke, there is a potential for the tumor to grow and I may ultimately lose my sight.  The tumor and the stroke are completely unrelated, so the finding of the tumor was considered a serendipitous find.

I told you all of that, to tell you this.  Shortly after my stroke, I had a chance encounter with an older gentleman from my church.  I can’t remember the exact details of our conversation, but the premise of the conversation changed my health fears to peace.  I had shared with him that I had had a stroke.  He informed me that his late wife had also experienced a stroke.  He then shared with me all of the significant and challenging callings (volunteer-based duties) she held, prior to her passing, in the church post-stroke.  While I had never met this woman, I could sense of her devotion to the Lord.  I knew she must have been a great blessing to those around her.  I knew this because the gentleman I was speaking with had the light of Christ in him and he spoke so highly of his wife who had passed away some time ago. 

Every time my heart starts to fill with fear as to what might happen to my health in the future, I reflect on this conversation and realize that if the Lord has a work for me to do, he will provide a way to make it possible.  If this man’s wife was still able to serve the Lord despite her health issues, then certainly so can I.  This knowledge immediately dispels my fears and brings me peace.
I now see how foolish it was for me to believe that a world of happiness was founded upon a life without trials.  Instead, I’ve learned that happiness is found in having faith in our Savior in all situations and watching rich blessings come to pass.  We are not here to live this life in misery.

Another way to help live a life based on being of good cheer is having perspective.  Perspective is one of the best ways to endure trials more joyfully.  I learned this firsthand when my mom passed away from cancer six years ago.  I had to hold on to the eternal perspective to help get through the day to day.  Prior to her passing, I lived in fear of what my life would be like without her around.  Once she did pass, I was carried through the trial with strength beyond my own and held on to the knowledge that I would see her again.  Having an understanding of the bigger picture and a surety that I would be reunited with my mom again brought me great comfort and joy.  A feeling of joy that seemed near impossible when I first realized I would lose my mom at a young age.  Camille Fronk Olson put it simply, “The more we know the Savior, the longer our view becomes.  The more we see His truths, the more we feel His joy.”  And what joy I have felt.

Of course, it’s easier to feel that joy in hindsight.  When we are in the midst of our trials it seems inconceivable to feel any sense of hope, let alone cheer.  I think this is why it’s important that we remember who is speaking in those eight scriptures referencing “be[ing] of good cheer.”  It is not the words of Adam speaking in ignorance prior to experiencing the pains of mortal life.  No, it is our Savior.  Jeffrey R. Holland stated, “Only one who has taken the full brunt of such adversity could ever be justified in telling us in such times to ‘be of good cheer’.”

I truly believe that being of good cheer manifests itself in our lives through faithfulness to the Lord, optimism, and believing on His word and the eternal plan which has been laid out for us.  This is the recipe for living a life of good cheer no matter the circumstances.  This is the recipe that no longer has me even wishing for a life free of trials and tribulations.  Now, I hope for a life that I may endure joyfully.
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First Friday Find: Lost Socks

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

You got it!  This month’s First Friday Find is about finding my lost socks.  And, hopefully, your lost socks too!


I am neither artistic nor crafty, so the fact that I did something like this is shocking.  I originally came across this idea while perusing the glorious world of Pinterest.  It was on a blog called Stories by Me and the woman was posting it as a mod podge project.  I did not complete this project doing mod podge, as that sounds too complicated for me.  I simply bought the wood piece, three satin acrylic paint colors, and clothespins from Michael’s to make the project pictured above.  I already had glue and a picture hook available at home.

Painting the wood was so much fun!  Why is painting so pleasant?  I don’t want to paint pictures.  I don’t want to paint walls.  But painting a simple item was somehow therapeutic.  It gave me the same satisfaction that coloring or putting together a puzzle often gives me.  Is it the mindless focus on a project that produces rapid results?  Who knows?  But it sure was enjoyable!

Putting the project to use was the best part!  I was actually excited to do my wash the day I hung it up to see what socks would find their “sole mates.”  Two of the socks found their match and I got oddly giddy.

May you find the same joy that I did in creating this super easy and fun project in an effort to get a handle on all of your rogue socks.

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Actively Engaging in Relationships

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

The following post was originally published on Over the Big Moon earlier this year.  I was still pregnant at the time.  This is a perfect post to piggyback last week’s post on being Purposefully Kind.  Reading this post again reminded me how I need to recommit myself to this endeavor.

The larger portion of the year 2010 was a particularly difficult time in my life.  Feelings of loneliness, depression, anxiety, and hopelessness were all too familiar to my daily routine.  One day in February
of that year, a small package arrived in the mail addressed to me with the return address containing my own address and the sender’s name noted as Secret Friend.  Inside was a little note and a package of Godiva chocolates.  I don’t do well with mysteries, but I did quite well with the delicious gift.  My spirit had been lifted in that moment.  I tried to get to the bottom of who the sender might be, but could not figure it out.  Then March came around and I received another package in the mail sent in the same fashion.  I was so touched and still so mystified.  I even started to analyze the handwriting with other cards I had received in the past.  I remain stumped.  Then April brought a spiritual message and May brought a thoughtful gift for Mother’s Day.  The remaining months of 2010 were each filled with a package or note being sent to me from my Secret Friend.  Then in January 2011, my final package arrived informing me that my year with my Secret Friend had drawn to a close.  I never did figure out who the sender was; although I have an inkling.  What I do know was that I looked forward to those arrivals.  I felt of the love this woman had for me in a time where I felt so unlovable.  I felt the joy that comes from friendship and small acts of kindness.

The treasured gift of friendship and our role in nurturing those relationships is what I wanted to share today.  This has been at the forefront of my mind, as I am homesick for many of my friends who live far away.  Plus, as I have been struggling through the roller coaster of pregnancy emotions, I have realized again how crucial friendships are in my life.  Sadly, I have done little to nurture those friendships that bear the burden of being long distance.  I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve lulled myself in to believing that following people on Facebook and Instagram is sufficient in keeping a friendship alive.  As I’m sure you know, this is not the case.  Nurturing friendships requires more than observing another’s life through what they choose to share on social media.  However, at the same time, it may surprise you the impact you can make in a friendship through even the smallest of acts.  The operative word being acts.  Nurturing a friendship, or relationship of any kind, requires action.
I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know, but perhaps a reminder to actively engage with our friends is needed.  I know I need it.  Having moved out of state a year and a half ago from everything I had ever known, I have watched as friendships have slipped by the wayside.  I’m quite familiar with the three types of friends we encounter in life – those we have for a reason, those we have for a season, and those we have for a lifetime.  The thing is, I have a lot of lifetime friends that I have failed to actively engage with since moving away.  It’s not in my nature to do this, so it’s been disheartening to me.  Part of me wonders if I’ve stopped nurturing these friendships out of pure laziness or out of protecting myself (you know how sometimes connecting with somebody makes you miss them more)?  Regardless, I’ve learned that not only do I need these lifetime friends in my life, I want to feed these relationships in the same manner that I have been so richly blessed – with surprise packages, thoughtful texts, a shoulder to cry on, or a phone call just because.
The beauty of a friendship is that nurturing it doesn’t have to be filled with grandiose things.  Oscar Wilde said, “The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.”  How true that statement is!  I had the pleasure this past week of catching up with one of those above mentioned lifetime friends.  It seems silly to think that a phone call qualifies as an act of kindness, but boy did it fill my heart with more joy than I anticipated.  I laughed so freely as we went on and on about all the craziness of life.  How grateful I am that we had a moment to actually talk rather than merely intend to call one another.  I was also blessed to receive a call from another friend who lives miles away, though we did not have the opportunity to catch up, who just wanted to chat.  I felt of the love of these women despite the many miles between us.

I think what it comes down to is that things have been rather tough for me as of late.  This pregnancy has not served my emotions well.  And I’m learning how blessed I have been to have such beautiful friends placed in my life to help lighten my load and increase my joy.  These friends, whether they know it or not, are re-inspiring me to actively engage in the world around me.  Each kind gesture brings me the same feelings of love that I felt with those monthly packages I received back in 2010.  I want to be better about returning that same joy and hope to friends and family.  I’ve grown tired of caring for relationships superficially.  So, please share with me those acts of kindness that you have either given or received that enriched your relationships.  My goal is to engage more fully with the many wonderful people that have been placed in my path.
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Purposefully Kind

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

During the two weeks that my Mom was home on hospice before passing away from cancer, we were the recipients of many kind deeds from an abundance of people.  One in particular that stands out still is an ice chest that arrived on our door filled with fruit juices, snacks, toys, and a variety of goodies.  It was from two girlfriends of mine that I hadn’t seen in quite some time.  When I first opened it, it seemed like such an odd menagerie of items.  However, as the days passed and I needed drinks for visitors, snacks for kids, and a toy for my toddler daughter who was desperate for attention, it all made perfect sense.  Years later, I received a phone call from a friend who was at a loss as to what to do for a friend of hers whose mom had just passed away.  My friend was asking me what she could do for her own friend, as she knew I had experience with the situation.  The ice chest immediately came to my mind.  My friend took the advice and told me later how grateful her own friend was for the gesture.  Since then, I have given greater thought as to how I can be of service to those around me in a way that is particular to their situation.  We’ve heard this described in several different ways – do unto others, as you would have done to you; be the good; pay it forward; love thy neighbor; and so on.  The motto I am going with lately is – throw kindness around like confetti!


Confetti is like glitter, it gets EVERYWHERE!  That’s what I want kindness to be in my life.  I want it to be EVERYWHERE!  I want to be like the waitress I had two weeks ago.  She had overheard our table conversation of snow clothes needs for our kids.  She immediately asked what sizes we needed for our kids.  I told her and she said, “Let’s exchange numbers so that I can get you what I have.”  She was true to her word too.  She went home, went through her storage, found my kids sizes, contacted me, and handed a bunch of items over and let me know she would keep in touch if she found more stuff that would work for my kids.  Sure you have a friend that might gladly hand over their used items, but a stranger?  Not likely.  And it’s not like snow clothes are cheap, trust me.  For the sake of argument, though, let’s say you don’t stand in need of anything financially and you can easily give away snow clothes without a second thought.  What then makes this situation that much more special?  She was a woman who paid attention to the needs of those she came in contact with.  Sure, she’s a waitress and she should be aware of an empty glass or a missing dish, but her role as waitress ends there.  What makes her extraordinary though is that her kindess wasn’t a product of her customer-oriented occupation, it was something she obviously carried around with her everywhere and then threw it around like confetti.

This is definitely an attribute that I need to improve upon, especially in our home.  I kid you not, I raised my voice at my bickering daughters yesterday to tell them to be kind to each other.  What sense does that make?  Granted, I was in pain, impatient, and frustrated, but that is not an excuse.  In fact, I plan to write a future post entirely about how that is not an excuse for poor behavior.  I wasn’t throwing around kindness, I was throwing around a poor attitude and it was felt by the entire home.  Because that’s how our moods and actions work, remember Attitudes are Contagious?

So, my goal is to heighten the amount of kindness I show others and, when possible, make it more purposeful.  I have started by following the example of that kind waitress.  While I am not in a financial state that I can give away a bunch of stuff, I’m doing what I can.  I recently posted a huge stash of infant clothes up on Craigslist for $30.  It was an entire wardrobe for an infant boy and then some.  Since posting it and having a person call to confirm the price, I have put several more items in the stack.  There’s well over $100 worth of items in there now and it’s no longer limited to clothes, as I learned the recipient is a first-time mom.  I don’t say this to boast of my generosity, because, frankly, I still feel a little guilty that I’m not handing over all of this stuff for free.  I’m sharing it as proof that the kindness and generosity of that waitress has spread into our home and I’m going to make sure I get that kindness everywhere.

What a wonderful time of year for all of us to increase our capacity for kindness.  It’s so easy to get overwhelmed and frustrated during this busy time of year, when instead we should be slowing down, soaking it all in, and spreading kindness.  I flash back to the scene in You’ve Got Mail when Meg Ryan gets in the cash only line at Zabars.  Do yourself a favor and watch the clip.  Then say to yourself, “I will be Joe, not Henry.”  The kindness of Joe brings smiles to the grumpy.

Go ahead and throw kindness around like confetti.  Even better, come back here and tell me the impact that it’s had on the world around you, because it WILL make an impact.  I know because the impact of the ice chest, a warm meal, flowers, snow clothes, care packages, cookies, free baby-sitting, and so very much more, has warmed my heart and brightened my day countless times.

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