Author: Sara W.

You Do What You Value

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

As mentioned in my previous post, I am working on improving myself as a blogger.  Part of that involves building my content on my own blog.  This is why I plan to sprinkle in some of my posts here that were originally shared on Over the Big Moon.  This particular post was from September of last year.  Here it is, in case you missed it!

Sometimes we begin and then begin again.  A couple years back, I received advice from my therapist when I was feeling particularly down.  She asked me what the top three things were that I valued most.  I told her my Faith, my family, and my friends.  She followed up that question with, “Do your daily actions support the things you value most?”  I knew instantly that my actions did
not match my values.  It’s not that I don’t give those three aspects of my life attention, but certainly not in a manner that would reflect it as my top three core values.

I’ll be the first to admit, I get sucked in to my smartphone, social media, and pure laziness.  I walked out of my therapist’s office that day with a goal to have my values and actions line up more appropriately.  Sadly, I quickly fell back in to old habits.

Flash forward to a few weeks ago.  A friend and I were discussing the pitfalls of social media and the smartphone.  We confessed to each other that we wasted far too much time on our devices and didn’t tend to our home and family like we ought to be.  We both decided to create goals that we could easily track.  We used an app (ironic, right?) called Habit Goal Monitor.  You can get it for free.  We plugged in our goals and revitalized our efforts to have our actions and values align.

Then this past weekend, as my goals were looking bleak, I saw this piece of paper hanging on a wall in my church building that read: VALUES – You do what you value.  You value what you do.  If you don’t do it, you don’t value it.


Hello, Not-So-Subtle Reminder, thank you for joining me.  I could easily have felt defeated at this point.  It felt like a reprimand.  I decided to look at it as a little nudge to begin again.  Pick up where I am and keep going.

In my effort to honor the things that I value, I am trying to have personal and family scripture study daily, I am looking up at my children more even when they are doing the mundane, and I am putting the phone down when there is an opportunity for personal communication with loved ones.
I had a moment this past Thursday where my values and actions were in sync.  I decided to act out the scriptures that I was reading to my kids before school.  They found it hysterical that their Mom was up on a chair trying to be as a Prophet speaking from a tower.  The result was a positive experience with my girls that they brought up throughout the day and even shared with friends. 

I don’t plan to act out the scriptures every morning, but seeing the impact that had on my children motivates me to create more opportunities like that in their lives.  I’ll stumble, of course.  But I imagine what kind of woman I could be if my values and actions were perfect reflections of one another.  If it feels as uplifting as it did that Thursday morning, then I will begin and begin again.

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Blogging 101

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

While I am enrolled in the upper level course of Parenting 505, I am barely making it in the beginner’s course of Blogging 101.  If it were not for the friend who originally suggested that I start this blog and the countless helpful blog posts I’ve read from other more savvy bloggers, I would be at a complete loss.  I have been blogging about my family for eight years, but that didn’t require anything more than typing and hitting the ‘Publish’ button.  Now, I’m realizing that blogging for a larger audience is much more complicated.  For instance, I recently found out that the main reason a blogger will truncate (shorten) their posts and require the reader to click a button to read the full post is to avoid Scraper sites from stealing their content.  It’s all so sad, but it’s a reality.  As a result, I will now be truncating my posts so as to protect my content here on First You Must Begin.


While I do not anticipate that I will ever be an expert on the world of blogging, I take comfort in knowing that I have already learned so much from these past few months of writing on this blog.  One of the more refreshing things that I have learned is how there are so many bloggers out there who are willing to share their knowledge.  A simple Google search stating your question and you’ll find several blogs with the answer you’re seeking and then some.  Such searches have also brought to my attention how many bloggers are really out there.  It’s incredible the talent that can be found on these blogs.

I’m not certain if my own experience has left me more appreciative of other’s work or if I’m just diving deeper into the blogging world, but it’s been a fun process.  Everything felt so overwhelming at first.  I didn’t even want to blog because I felt the world was already so inundated with bloggers.  Now, the irony is that there are even more bloggers than I realized and I’m finding joy in the variety versus discouragement in my own abilities in comparison.

In short, thank you for sticking around as I fumble my way through Blogging 101.  I hope the change to truncated posts won’t deter you from following me here on First You Must Begin.

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First Friday Find: Sometimes I’m a Snob

~ Sara W. ~ 2 Comments

I am far from materialistic.  I do not own any designer jeans.  Frankly, I don’t even think I can name a designer jean if my life depended on it.  I wear make-up so infrequently that when I do my children ask what’s going on.  I do not have any fancy purses or accessories.  Come to think of it, I don’t think I have any high-end brand name apparel of any sort, period.  As a matter of fact, I recently got teased for my outdated wallet.  I recall buying it in my late teens, which means it’s at least 15 years old; yet I have never consider it as out-of-style.  It’s functional and that’s all I need.  That all being said, I am still quite snobby when it comes to particular items.  These are the items I wish to share with you today for March’s First Friday Find(s).  These are the items that if I could be a salesperson for them, I would sell the heck out of them.  Which is saying a lot, if you recall the Commercial Break in my post Acquired Tastes Not Required.

Let me start with my absolute top product.  The product that I will never stop using: Dove soap.  I’ll take it in liquid form or bar form, it makes no difference.  I have loved this soap since my childhood.  I thought all soaps were created equal until I found myself using someone else’s soap on a sleepover or during hotel stays.  This is not the case.  Dove stands above all the rest.  Trust me, I’ve been forced to try my fair share of body soaps through the years.  But no other soap compares in providing the same kind of softness to my skin without leaving residue behind.  Love. It.

Another thing that I am a snob about is raisins.  This one makes my husband laugh since I don’t even really care for raisins in the first place.  It’s not that I dislike them, I just don’t think to sit down to a box of them.  However, if I am going to eat raisins, the only option is Sun Maid Raisins.  I have undergone a rigorous taste test to prove that Sun Maid Raisins are way better than any generic brand you’ll save your pennies on.  But, as previously mentioned, I’m not a huge raisin fan to begin with, despite my pro-raisin post on Meaningful Traditions.  So, at the risk of being a hypocrite, I give to you a funny I have found during my many hours on Pinterest:

Another snobby product I support is high-end hair conditioners.  I will gladly put Head & Shoulders in my hair for shampooing purposes, but I am adamant about putting high quality conditioner in my hair.  I’m talking about the conditioners that can only be purchased in a salon.  I switch it up from time to time, but right now I’m loving Evo Normal Persons Conditioner.  My hair feels silky smooth and light.  Plus, the intense smell of peppermint awakens my senses and eases my bouts with nausea during this pregnancy.

I have a few other products that I won’t settle for generic brands on, but I’ll stop myself now before I sound too much like an infomercial.  I would love to hear what products you find yourself being a bit of a “snob” on.  As I mentioned before, I am not materialistic, but some things are just better paying top dollar for top quality, while other items are the same exact thing just with a different label on them.  Share your product finds below in our comments.

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A Cautionary Tale of Flattery

~ Sara W. ~ 4 Comments

I don’t recall being read to very often as a young child.  A couple books stand out in my mind, but most of them I remember hearing in school.  It wasn’t until I had my own children that I really became aware of the vast array of children’s books out there.  I came to realize that you can write the most ridiculous books and somehow they get published.  I remember reading one book recently and recalling the scene in Elf when Buddy’s Dad, who works at a children’s book company, is talking with one of his employees.  The dialogue is as follows:

Buddy’s Dad:  A reprint?  You know how much that’s gonna cost?
Employee:  Two whole pages are missing.  The story doesn’t make any sense.
Buddy’s Dad:  What, you think some kid’s gonna notice two pages?  I mean, they… all they do is look at pictures.

Well, maybe the kid won’t notice, but us parents do.  I wish I could remember the book that I was reading.  I seriously kept checking to see if pages were ripped out because the ending of the book made zero sense.  Gru, from Despicable Me, said it best when it comes to these ‘less than optimal’ children’s books I am referring to, “This is literature?  A two year old could have written this…Ah, I don’t like this book.  This is going on forever.”  I think we’ve all experienced these types of books.  Thankfully, there are children’s books out there that are fully worth adding a book award badge to their cover.  These are the books that I will gladly read to my children one hundred times over, not because my kids ask me to, but because I genuinely enjoy getting lost in the book.

The Spider and the Fly is one of those books that I can’t help but read in the best of my character voices because it deserves to be read with feeling.  It’s based on the 1829 poem by Mary Howitt with delightfully eerie illustrations by Tony DiTerlizzi.  It’s a darker book than you expect to read to a child, but it gets the message across.  Don’t expect a happy ending, as situations between spiders and flies rarely end in such a manner.  But expect the opportunity to teach the lesson from this tale, which is, “To idle, silly, flattering words I pray you ne’er give heed.”  This is something I feel our children need to learn in today’s society.

How cunning the world has come at flattering us into falsehoods.  Not that spinning things to lead people astray is anything new.  Obviously, it was a concern worth warning about in 1829.  I personally fell victim to such “idle, silly, flattering words” during my teens and early twenties.  I suppose I was too trusting.  I believed that people always meant what they said.  I hadn’t fully grasped that people will tell you what they think you want to hear to get from you what they want.  I don’t mean for this to be a depressing topic, but I suppose I want to share the counsel that Mary Howitt did so eloquently nearly 200 years ago.  We must teach our children and, if necessary, ourselves to be weary of such flattery.  To be able to see flattery for what it is.  I don’t suggest that we should become cynical and untrusting, but rather cautious.
Perhaps evaluate such a situation with Jacques Bainville’s quote mentioned in my earlier post Making Tomorrow’s Headlines Positive Ones, “One must want the consequences of what one wants.”  For example, once upon a time I would be what I perceived others wanted me to be instead of being myself.  I would receive flattery from a guy, which would feel exciting at first.  Then flattery would evolve into flirting, which can be fun and innocent enough until it’s not.  Suddenly, I would find myself in uncomfortable situations.  Was that what I had intended when I first got wrapped up in the flattery?  Certainly not.  But we can get caught into these webs and soon find ourselves stuck.  I had to learn that to avoid the web entanglement, I had to forego the belief that those first words of flattery were sincere.  I had to understand that I was perfectly fine being exactly who I was.  I didn’t have to prove that I was fun by being flirtatious, I had to realize that I am fun because I am me.
I have had my eyes opened more with age, but I still have to fight daily to separate the truths from the half-truths, as the latter are trickier than lies.  Both The Spider and the Fly and my own experience above are proof of that.  The Spider says many true things to the Fly to coerce her into trusting him.  The same goes for my situation.  The issue really begins when the truths become half-truths.  If I struggle with this at the age of thirty-three, then how can I expect my children to be equipped for such a world if I don’t help explain it to them?  Sure, The Spider and the Fly is a darker tale than most children’s books, but perhaps it’s a tale that our children need to hear before they have to learn it the hard way.  Or worse, what if they never realize the web they have become entangled in?
“And now, dear little children, who may this story read,
To idle, silly, flattering words I pray you ne’er give heed;
Unto an evil counselor close heart and ear and eye,
And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.”
– Mary Howitt

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Just Begin.

~ Sara W. ~ 4 Comments

Its only been the customary week between my posts, but somehow it feels like it has been longer.  I went and had a birthday this past week, which is always a treat thanks to the amazing people in my life who shower me with love and well wishes.  I certainly feel blessed.  Even more amazing is that the love and support I receive is given to me year round.

For instance, I have a friend that stumbled upon a poster that read, “Don’t make change too complicated.  Just begin.”  Knowing of my website and, lets be honest, one of my main supporters, she thought to send it along to me.  That’s what this website has been all about from day one: beginning.

In less than a year, I have watched as my small action to begin writing has enriched my life.  I have learned greater discipline; gained a greater understanding of my worth; become more aware of the blogging world, including the opportunity to be a contributor on Over the Big Moon; took a chance and submitted a quote to Via magazine, which was published; didn’t quit even though there were plenty of times that I wanted to; and have been given the wonderful opportunity to share lessons learned in my own life in hopes of brightening another’s outlook.

These gifts and blessings were not what a foresaw when I began.  Certainly, I had a desire to hopefully ease another’s burden by sharing the ups and downs of real life, but I didn’t think that I would gain so much personally.  I wish I could convey to those reading how much my life has been blessed merely by beginning (and continuing).  I had previously spent so many years talking myself out of doing anything in the writing field, as there were certainly others that could do it better.  And there still are.  That has not changed.  I do not fancy myself an amazing writer.  What I do know is that the practice of nourishing this passion has blessed my life in ways that I had not anticipated.  In some ways, it makes me frustrated with all the prior years wasted.  At the same time though, it makes me appreciate the beauty that has come from finally beginning.

I used to see starting points differently.  I liken it to when I once enjoyed running.  I say “once enjoyed” only because I am so out of shape now that I can’t pretend that I enjoy something that I no longer do.  When I ran, I never did well at long distance.  I enjoyed a quick sprint.  I chalked it up to the way my body was built to work, but as I type this I’m thinking maybe my view on life was the culprit in convincing myself I was not cut out for long distance.  You see, I want immediate gratification.  It’s all a matter of impatience, I suppose.  If I don’t hit the finish line almost as soon as I’ve started, then I’ve somehow convinced myself that I’ll never hit the finish line.  So, why even race?  Or perhaps, I’ll hit the finish line last and somehow be deemed a failure?  The funny thing is that I don’t see myself as competitive, more as the Unlikely Perfectionist.  I think what I’ve learned in beginning to actively practice my writing is that each mile marker I hit is a victory.  Now, I don’t know that I even want to hit the finish line because the run itself feels so good.

This “run” I am on right now has been made possible by the many cheerleaders on the sidelines sending me words of encouragement and reminding me that I can do this.  And, you know what?  They’re right.  But if I can do this, then I know those reading can do it too.  I would like to be your cheerleader.  Please share with me what passion you are beginning, or virtue you are working on, or wound you are trying to heal?  Because I want to be there to hear how your life will be blessed in unexpected ways too.

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Seeking Light

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

This past weekend was quite a memorable one for me.  A date night is always a treat, but my husband and I actually managed to have two date nights in a row.  Both evenings were awesome, but the second night had an unusual twist to it that I would like to share.

We went on a double date with our friends to celebrate a birthday milestone.  We started our night off with some delicious Mediterranean Food and then walked over to a tiny independent theater in our downtown area.  We had never been before and the place had such a fun vibe.  It only seats 24 people and the refreshment bar is in the same room as the theater.  They serve Coca-Cola in the vintage bottles, popcorn in a big silver tin and dish up candy in a white paper sack.  We were seated in the front row and ready to watch a series of Oscar Nominated Live Action Short Films.  I have a soft spot for Short Films, but that’s a post for another day.

The first movie was a touching film from Denmark, the second was a thought-provoking short from the UK, the third was a suspense-thriller from France, and the fourth was just horrific.  I’m of the opinion that you do not have to explicitly show something to get the general idea of the subject matter.  Clearly, the Writer/Director of this Spanish short film does not feel the same as I do.  I like how the review on CraveOnline puts it in regards to That Wasn’t Me, “the film’s flagrant messaging and shock tactics leave it feeling sleazy, and coated with a discomforting goo. Not the kind of grotesque veneer you’d expect and want from a film about the horrors of child soldiers in Africa…”  In the middle of one of the more disturbing scenes, my husband got up and left the theater.  My friend’s husband immediately followed him.  Then, my friend and I followed as well.  We all knew why my husband got up and left and I think we were all a little upset at ourselves for not walking out sooner.  We agreed that we needed to go find something upbeat to do in an effort to recover from what we had all just witnessed on the screen.  The night ended with some fascinating people-watching in a local restaurant while dining on churros and ice-cream.  All was well in the end.

Now, I told you all of that, to tell you this.  The images from that movie did not leave my mind.  I tried to inundate myself with scripture reading, Facebook, praying, Pinterest delights and the like to dull the memory of the graphic scenes I watched.  My methods helped, but I slept awful the first night and spent most of the second day trying to redirect my thoughts onto something positive.  As I was working so hard to bring peace back in to my mind, I got to thinking about people that can’t just walk out of the movie theater and seek out light.

Some people are not as fortunate as I am to live in a home that has joy and peace.  Many have to live in dark circumstances with constant negative influences.  This reminded me of a story I read by Susan Wyman where she was sharing her struggle with family discord.  Then, she had this thought about being in complete darkness and imagined herself lighting a tiny birthday candle.  Wyman says, “It seemed so insignificant, yet the power of that minuscule light was enough to displace the blackness…The quantity of darkness surrounding us in the world simply does not matter.  Light is eternal and is vastly more powerful than darkness.”  Her words ring true to me.

All these thoughts reminded me of my New Year’s Resolution for a Bright New Year.  I’m blessed to live in a healthy environment, but that doesn’t mean I cannot make it brighter.  Or perhaps strive to bring more light to those that are not as fortunate?  I think more than anything this week, I wanted readers to reflect on whether or not they are living among the light or darkness?  If the light, share it with those around you and cherish the gift that you hold.  If you find yourself walking in darkness, have faith that your own light is ‘enough to displace the blackness.’  And, if possible, do as my husband did and walk out of the darkness and seek the light.

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Making Tomorrow’s Headlines Positive Ones

~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments

My Dad used to tell me when I was younger, “Don’t do anything today that you wouldn’t want in tomorrow’s headlines.”  I can’t tell you how many times I dreaded the idea of my poor decisions on one day being the following day’s top news.  Obviously, I am of little consequence in the public eye, but the message left an impact just the same.  I later heard a quote by French Philosopher, Jacques Bainville, that echoed my Dad’s advice.  Bainville said, “One must want the consequences of what one wants.”  In short, we must consider the repercussions of our actions.

I can still see myself sitting in a high school classroom looking back at my friend in the desk behind me before class started.  She was confronting me on things she had heard me saying about her to other people.  You can imagine my embarrassment by the whole situation.  She was completely right.  I cannot remember now what I was even telling people.  The point though is that I had, in fact, been saying stuff behind her back.  I was out of line.  It was one of those moments where I had to evaluate my gossipy tendencies.  I’m grateful for her confronting me all those years ago, because it made me realize the repercussions of my actions.  How fortunate I was to learn at a fairly young age the pain that comes from gossiping.  I wish I could say I learned my lesson and never spoke an unkind or false word again about someone behind their back, but it’s taken years to truly weed out the nasty habit.

My first fix was to make sure that when someone told me a secret, I kept it a secret.  I have been considered a trust-worthy friend because of my efforts.  I was less effective at changing my habits of complaining and backbiting about people who annoyed me.  I wasn’t telling secrets of theirs, as much as I was just ranting about their quirks that grated on my nerves.

The workplace was certainly a difficult place to keep my backbiting to a minimum.  There are so many different personalities that we are forced to work with in close proximity.  I found it difficult not to vent about so-and-so during my lunch break with co-workers whom I trusted.  I don’t recall having any enemies at work, but there were plenty of people who I just didn’t jive with.  I don’t think we are put here to get along famously with everyone.  I know I don’t and I am okay with that.  But I think where we get ourselves in trouble is when we start to fuel the fire of our aggravation by spreading it to others in an effort to support our plight.

I was again reminded of how ugly gossip and backbiting could be when I became a Stay-at-Home-Mom.  Women love to get around and gab and it became difficult not to indulge in the topics at hand.  I learned stuff second hand that I did not want to know about people.  Later, I would hear the same story firsthand from the individual and I began to see discrepancies.  These experiences had an even greater impact on nipping my involvement in the gossip than that experience back in high school.  I realized that the “thrill” of being in the know was in no way worth the consequence of hurting someone.  Sure, others may never know I spoke unkind words about them or that I satiated in the gossip about them, but what if they did?  What if my unkind words were in tomorrow’s headlines?  These experiences made it that much more imperative for me to hold my tongue among chatty women.

I admire my husband on this matter.  He has been my example of one whom you can trust.  Not only does he keep learned things to himself, but he will stop people who are spreading things second hand.  He recently was in a situation where someone was gossiping and his immediate response to the individual was, “Is that really your story to tell?”  Oftentimes, I think we find ourselves guilty of wanting to be in the know, when it does us no good.  My husband has taught me a healthier and kinder way to be.  He has taught me how to show respect for stories that are not ours to tell.

With age, comes experiences and with experiences, comes growth.  I’m grateful that I have been able to grow out of the bad habit of gossiping.  I still struggle with this vice.  I’m not quite sure why that is.  Is it the pleasure of hearing other’s imperfections? Of being in the know?  Of having a team of support when you are completely annoyed by someone’s behavior?  Maybe all of the above?  Whatever it is, I’ve grown utterly weary of the consequences of backbiting.  All it results in is added negativity, misunderstandings, and hurt feelings.

There are so many actions of mine, mostly from my young adulthood, that I would hate to have in headlines even now.  Even worse would be someone putting my shortcomings in their own words and making it a headline.  May we all consider the repercussions that come from our daily individual actions and strive to avoid doing them before we risk them becoming tomorrow’s top news.  But, more importantly, may we remember that other’s stories are not ours to tell.

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First Friday Find: Love Journals

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

This is not a recent find for me, but it is a pertinent find for this month and may be new for our readers.  Years ago, I read this excellent idea about using Love Journals in place of greeting cards with your spouse or loved ones.  The idea was ingenious in my eyes!

I started to implement it right away with my husband for Valentine’s Day.  I got my hands on a notebook that had an extra slot on the inside.  In the slot, I gathered all of my past love notes to him.  Now all of our notes are in one convenient location.  Then I kicked off the notebook with Valentine’s stickers and a love note.  My husband appreciated the sentiment and, shortly thereafter, he got me a Love Journal in which he leaves me sweet messages as we come upon each holiday.  Sometimes, we even give surprise notes of appreciation and adoration between holidays.  It’s fun to have all of our love notes in one spot and the convenience is a definite perk!

Being a Mother to young children, I rarely get the chance to peruse a card aisle anymore nor do I enjoy the high price tags for the cards worth sending.  I guess I’ve become a bit of a curmudgeon that way.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sending a note out of the blue or finding the perfect card for someone, but this expectation that we need to buy cards to express our love each holiday sort of rubs me the wrong way.  It feels like one more To-Do on my list.  Ever since we got these journals, all I need to find time for is expressing my heartfelt feelings.  Plus, when it comes to the love I have for my husband, in particular, there has yet to be a greeting card that can express how I feel better than I can.

We’ve had our journals for a few years now and I honestly have no idea where we purchased them.  I’m including a couple links for notebooks that I thought would serve as cool Love Journals.  BookFactory® Notebook sells one in multiple colors.  This one is very similar to the one my husband bought for me.  We prefer blank pages, but I also found this really cool lined page journal you could use called Red Embossed Heart Writing Journal.  Both of these are fairly priced and would be a great way to ignite a loving tradition.

Hopefully, you will find Love Journals as beneficial as we have in our home.  We’ve saved money, we’ve saved time sneaking off to the card aisle, we’ve centralized all of our notes for one another, and we’ve let our love flow more sincerely.  Basically, Love Journals have been a blessing to us.  I hope they become a treasured gift in your home as well!

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An Esteemed Reality

~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments

I saw a psychologist off and on for nearly five years.  I am a huge advocate of therapy for any and all aspects of life.  In fact, I get a bit frustrated when people are so reluctant to seek additional assistance.  When I say all aspects of life, I mean it.  Before the age of three, our sweet little girl had already attended Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy, and Speech Therapy for her various issues resulting from premature birth.  The progress she made under the care of professionals was astounding.  I feel equally blessed for the knowledge I received during my countless therapy sessions to address my distorted thinking.

While I had attempted to find psychological help a few times prior in my life, it was not until I met with a particular doctor in 2007 that I began to make progress.  I still recall my first session with her.  I had brought in a list of my concerns and why I was there to meet with her.  As I read off the long list I had prepared, she listened intently.  At the end of the session, she had pretty much summed up my personal laundry list of issues into one: I had low self-esteem.

I was reminded of how crucial a healthy self-esteem is in one’s life when I came across this excellent description in a parenting magazine, Parent & Child.  The article “Rehab a Praise Junkie” reads: “Self-esteem depends on your internal ability to generate positive feelings about your accomplishments – it’s not something other people can give you.”  I learned this in therapy, but I so wish I hadn’t had to wait that long.  For years, I based my worth on the praise of others.  I still fall victim to it in ways I’d rather not admit.

This blog is a perfect example.  Sometimes when I write a post that I’m excited about, I become deflated when I don’t receive any positive feedback to validate my feelings.  I suppose it’s the nature of the beast.  But at least now I have the tools to separate my distorted thinking and reality.  Previously, my train of thought would run something like this – I tried really hard on something, received no accolades for it, therefore I am a failure.  That’s where it ended.  How sad, right?  That’s why I prevented myself from attempting so many tasks in life.  I had already deemed myself a failure.  Now my thought process goes something like this – I tried really hard on something, received no praise for it, feel down about it, realize that other’s praise is not an indication of my success, and take joy in the process of the task and what I learned from it.  My previous pattern begat nothing but feeling worthless.  This healthier pattern is what keeps me moving and posting.

There are so many ways in which a low self-esteem can hinder our daily activities.  Thankfully, there are tools to help eradicate feelings of low self-worth.  Again, I will suggest the The Self-Esteem Workbook, which was recommended to me during that first therapy session.  It provides a variety of ways to gain a self-esteem.  One of the easiest methods for me to prevent myself from going down the poor self-esteem spiral is to debunk my negative instincts.  You’ll notice my new pattern in the previous paragraph has additional steps in my thinking.  You’ll also see that my healthier method does not omit the sadness of no praise.  I still feel bummed.  Maybe one day I won’t care at all, but that’s not right now.  Now, the key to healthier living is analyzing those feelings and figuring out if what I feel is reality or something I’ve imagined.  While it might not seem the case, in a world where grandiose is king, reality can sometimes be better than what you’ve imagine.

For me, my reality is much better than what I had deemed myself worthy.  According to my instinctual thought process, I was not deserving of anything good.  And yet here I type, as the wife to an incredible husband, the mother to three beautiful children (and one on the way), a friend to the most amazing people, and a woman of faith.  My reality is better than anything I could have imagined.  It’s not perfect, as nobody’s is, but it’s filled with hope and a belief in myself that I did not have previously.

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Hiders and Seekers of Joy!

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

I vividly recall the panic I felt, as a child, when my friends wanted to play Hide-and-Seek.  The seeking did not make me as nervous as the hiding did.  I kid you not, most every time that I was waiting in my hiding spot, the urge to go potty would come on and I would have to call Time Out.  I wish I could figure out what it was about being discovered that was so troubling to me.  As an adult, the seeking is the scary part for me, as my husband is infamous for jumping out of his hiding spot to startle the seeker.  I recently learned of a different Hide-and-Seek adventure though that I’m certain would only bring me joy.

In Lincoln City, which is along the northern coast of Oregon, there is an annual Seaside Treasure Hunt.  In February, volunteers hide glass floats and glass sand dollars along the beach.  This is the kind of Hide-and-Seek that piques my interest.  Not only would the search be fun, but the item you find is a beautiful piece of art.  Plus, the glass floats and sand dollars aren’t going to jump out and scare me.  This is a win-win situation to me.

Even as an Oregon resident though, I know a trip to the coast isn’t in the cards for me this upcoming month.  But it got me thinking, why not create my own Hide-and-Seek adventures for my loved ones?

In my teens and early twenties, I was much better about leaving love notes for my friends and family to find around their room or home.  It seems somewhere in the last five years or so, I forgot about how great it is to surprise someone with a note of admiration and gratitude.  Not that your hidden item has to be a love note.

How fun would it be if each of us were as the Lincoln City Volunteers and we left a piece of joy for a seeker to find?  Maybe it’s flowers on a doorstep of a friend?  An anonymous note in the mail?  Or perhaps you tape a quarter to a parking meter for the next person, since feeding someone else’s expired meter is illegal in most places?  Better yet!  Get your kids involved!  My girls love to draw and paint pictures.  So much so that our refrigerator and walls are running out of room.  Why not add the words “Have a Great Day!” to one of their drawings and tape them to doors at an Assisted Living Residence (with the manager’s permission, of course)?  Or a candy box left in your mailbox with a Thank You note for the mailman?  The possibilities are endless.

Since it’s unlikely that we’ll be able to comb the Oregon coast this February, perhaps bring the spirit of the treasure of the Oregon coast to your neighborhood.  Be hiders and seekers of joy!

 

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