Facing Our Fears

April 17, 2014February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ 2 Comments

Last October, I had written a post on Over the Big Moon regarding fears and how to cope with them. In case you did not have a chance to read the post at the time, I wanted to take a minute and share it here on First You Must Begin. It’s a post to address fears of all shapes and sizes; from the deep dark ones that we specifically try not to think about for fear of a self-fulfilling prophesy to the less typical fears such as hornet stings, scurrying mice, and ants in our pantry. The latter being a fear that has plagued me since growing up in my childhood home where it seemed we lived on an ant hill.

A few years ago, I brought my fear of ant infestation up during one of my therapy sessions. The therapist sweetly reminded me of my size versus the ants. A good point, for sure. But what actually has helped me cope was a question she asked me that day: What’s the worst that can happen? I told her all the things that I dreaded about an ant infestation in my home – the vulnerability of knowing they’ve invaded my space, the food that has to be thrown out, the clean-up process, the potential laundry that has to be washed, and the possibility of them crawling on me. All of these things still give me the heebie-jeebies. My therapist listened and then calmly suggested that most of those issues were merely inconveniences and that an exterminator visit could put most of my concerns to rest. She’s right. Ants in my home will not result in World War III. So, why allow myself to escalate to the point of paralyzing fear?

I am fully aware that my therapist’s question is not a cure all for every fear. But for the fun of it, let’s put the same question to the test for my daughter’s fear of bees and hornets. An honest fear for her to have based on the fact that she received three hornet stings and two bee stings in the course of one month last summer. All of the stings came when she was doing nothing to provoke them. She just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, fives times. So, what’s the worst that can happen? My daughter would say that the worst that can happen is that she gets stung again. But that is not the worst that can happen. The worst that can happen was what she started to do. She started to fear going outside and avoided opportunities for trips to the park. That’s the worst. She let the bees and hornets take away her freedom to play outdoors.

These examples of fear are on a smaller scale, but I often wonder how much fear could be laid to rest if we merely asked, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Again, I’m not trying to put this question to the test with true tragedy and trauma, though it does work when I reflect back on even the hardest trials I have faced. But how many fears could we overcome in a day if we tried to bring things in to perspective?

Perhaps we have a fear of speaking in public? Or being seen without make-up? Or someone coming over to our home only to find that we don’t keep it perfectly clean and tidy? We have these fears that we’ve created for ourselves that just aren’t rationale or fair. We worry about imagined judgments being made on us. And in cases where the judgments may come, they likely would have come no matter how clean our home was, how perfect our make-up looked, or how refined we were in our speech. We could all benefit from seeing the bigger picture rather than just that single situation.

Broadening my perspective has made a significant impact in re-evaluating even my darkest trials. When I realized my Mom would die of Ovarian Cancer, I began to mourn her loss before she was even gone. I would sit and sob over how I would not be able to function without her. I was certain I would not get out of bed for days when the time came. There was a point when I was spending more time hypothesizing about my level of devastation with her passing rather than enjoying the time I still had with her. Thankfully, my husband pointed this out to me and I redirected my thoughts and started to more fully embrace my remaining time with her. Then the time came and my Mom passed away. My heart ached (and continues to ache) in ways that I had not experienced prior. I’ve yet to find the right words to properly express the magnitude of my sorrow or the deep impact her absence has had in my daily life. However, I kept (and keep) moving forward in faith. After her passing, I never once failed to get out of bed. Although, I admit, those first few months are still a blur. What was the worst that could happen? It happened. My Mom died. But, thanks to my faith, the worst that really happened is that I have to wait a little while and then I can be with my Mom again in heaven.

I survived through the passing of my Mom, my best friend. It didn’t ruin me. If anything, it made me stronger. As is the case with every trial I have endured, they have all made me stronger.

I speak from personal experience that even the darkest of nights has a dawn. During a severe bout with depression, I spent a long while clinging to my couch thinking that somehow I could be safe from pain if I just staid there and slept. My anxiety increases just reflecting on this time in my life and my heart sinks thinking of all the lost moments of life fully lived. I was doing, then, what my daughter was doing with her fear of bees and hornets. I was hiding. What was the worst thing that could have happened in that situation? It wasn’t hiding, though that was bad, it would have been giving up. Had I given in to my fears of worthlessness, hopelessness, and despair, I would not be able to enjoy this incredible chapter of my life that I never dreamed possible.

I think fear is really the apprehension that comes from the unknown outcome of a personal struggle of any size. I get discouraged, downtrodden, and fearful just like anybody else still. But I have a friend that is sweet to remind me that, “[I] can do hard things.” And she’s right. I CAN do hard things. And sometimes the hardest thing I have to do is not give in to fear nor give up on myself.

The Grass is Greener Where You Water It

April 9, 2014February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

The first time I heard the quote, “The grass is greener where you water it,” was from my husband. He was saying it in regards to relationships, which was even more inspiring to me. I had already known that I married a selfless man, but even after all the crud he has endured being married to a less-than-selfless woman, here he was still championing the idea of “watering our lawn.” This is the type of man you want to marry and I’m so glad I did.

Since I heard that quote, it has resonated in my heart. It’s a much more optimistic take than it’s “original” counterpart, “the grass is always greener on the other side.” The biggest difference between the two quotes, as I see it, is accountability. This matter of accountability is among the top lessons I want my children to learn.

COMMERCIAL BREAK: Writing that last sentence actually makes me wonder – if I had to choose five, or even ten, principles I want my children to learn, what would they be? And, am I doing my part to make sure they’re learning those principles at home? Hmmm…something I should ponder. Also, I would love to hear your insight on the most crucial principles our children need to learn. NOW BACK TO OUR REGULAR PROGRAMMING.

I think the main reason accountability is such a big deal to me is the mere fact that it seems to be a lost principle in our society. I recall the lyrics of a Jack Johnson song called Cookie Jar released back in 2003 where the blame is continually placed on another. Certainly, there are outside influences in our lives that play a role but we also need to take accountability for our part.

I have read countless stories of heartbreaking and horrific things that have happened in the news. The thing that fascinates me the most is how people choose to move on from their given point. The story of the Coble Family’s tragic event in 2007 haunts me as much today as it did back then when I was only a mother to one. A mother to three then, Lori Coble, had taken her kids to a local mall that I myself attended frequently. Lori’s own mother joined them on the venture. Nap time approached and it was time to drive home. Lori and her mom were in the front seat of her minivan while her three kids, ages five and under, were strapped safely in the back. Traffic had come to an abrupt stop on the freeway, a freeway I often drove myself, and the big rig behind them was not able to stop in time. All three children were killed. The story is heart-wrenching, but I recall the touching remarks made by Lori and her husband, Chris, exemplifying their faith during the aftermath of their unimaginable trial. While they were uncertain how they would even move forward from such a tragedy, I marveled at how well they did move forward. Shortly after their loss, Lori became pregnant with TRIPLETS! The Coble couple had lost a little boy and two girls in the car accident and here they were, just months later, expecting a little baby boy and two baby girls. The triplets were born around the year anniversary of the death of the eldest three Coble children. I wish I knew more of how this family was doing today. My prayer is that the faith that it took for them to move forward in any manner is still a strong impact in their home.

This is just ONE of numerous stories where the victims chose to water their own grass. I will add, and I hope this does not contradict my point, that they did sue those parties whom they felt were at fault for the loss of their children. The action of accountability in this instance, in my mind, is that they did not, to the best of my knowledge, throw in the towel and become bitter and hopeless about their loss. They did not use this tragic event as an excuse to lose their faith or give up on life completely. They went forward trying to re-create the life they loved in the best manner they knew how. They made an effort to replant their grass and water it accordingly.

Perhaps I can offer up a better illustration, and far less tragic, of what I’m trying to say. There are parts of my childhood that I do not believe were healthy for a child to have to experience. While I was not at fault for those circumstances, I would have been at fault for letting them define me or for allowing them to somehow excuse any poor decisions I made in my adulthood. Had I allowed myself to place the blame on my childhood misfortunes for all my wrong doings, I feel I would have been doing myself an injustice. Instead, I chose to seek help. Perhaps I sought it later than I should have, but I did nonetheless and I’m grateful for it. In attending counseling, I was able to make sense of the reality of my childhood. While there are parts that I still deem to have been unhealthy, I feel no benefit comes from blaming. I actually feel stronger having not placed blame.

Obviously, my own story pales in comparison to the horrific one that the Coble family experienced. That’s not the point. The point is that we have two options in life when a trial, of any magnitude, hits us. We can choose to sit on our side and complain about our own lawn and feel resentment for the prettier (or perceived to be easier maintained) lawn on the other side or we can stand as proudly as possible and water our own lawn.

Whatever phase your “grass” is currently facing, it can become green again. It may take some replanting on your part or merely some watering, but it can be done. And, heck, if you find yourself in the fortunate circumstance of enjoying your own lush grass, perhaps shoot some water over to the other lawns that can use some refreshing. A little “water” goes a long way and how beautiful the world could be if we all enjoyed the blessings of green grass.

Everyone Else is Already Taken

March 19, 2014February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments

My eldest is entering an age where kids start trying to figure out where they fit in the world around them. As with most kids, she gets teased from time to time. I’m not certain it would be classified as bullying, but I do see the effects it has had on her personality. Her instinctive response to such teasing is to take it personal, which I imagine is typical for a seven-year-old’s thought process. From what I can tell, her next step in dealing with the situation is to conform to the teasers expectations of her. This is the part that breaks my heart. We express to her daily the wonderful girl that she is and that being herself is of the utmost importance, but it seems our words of encouragement get forgotten when she’s faced with opposition.

The troubling part for me, as her Mom, is that I only figured out how to embrace myself in the last decade or so. Even then, I had slip ups where I would act differently around different people that had different expectations of me. I touched upon this in my previous post A Cautionary Tale of Flattery so I will spare you the repercussions, but it never resulted well. Nor will it end well for my eldest who tries to be sillier and funnier around these teasers in an effort to win them over. Because, ultimately, when she tires of parading around, the teasing will return. It’s an exhausting cycle. A cycle that I spent far too many years allowing myself to be a victim on. The worst part of all was that I did it unknowingly for so many years. It was not until I met my husband that I realized that I could be me and that was enough. Not only was it enough, it was somehow spectacular.

So, I ask you, dear readers, how do you encourage your children to be happy with exactly who they are? Or, if you do not have children, how do you help promote self-worth in your own life? I saw that a friend of mine has the saying, “Be yourself; everybody else is already taken,” hanging in her kitchen. I know this is something I plan to remind my kiddos of, and perhaps myself, when necessary.

If I think about my own transformation into becoming comfortable being me, I realize that I still have to repeat little affirmations of reassurance to myself. I also think of the years of therapy that helped bring me to the point that I am at today. I’m sure I impart the knowledge I learned in those many counseling sessions without even realizing it, but sometimes I feel so ill-equipped to teach my children matters that I’m only now learning for myself.

I wonder though if a critical piece in helping our children feel comfortable being themselves, is teaching them that others can be themselves and we don’t all have to get along. It doesn’t make either party less of a person if we don’t jive with one another. In the case of the teasers that my eldest comes in contact with, I don’t think their actions are malicious. Perhaps unkind, but not malicious. My guess is that their manner of communication and connection is merely different from what my eldest finds enjoyable to be around. In which case, I think it’s fine to suggest that she be kind when she works with these individuals, but also be okay in not nurturing such friendships that don’t allow her to be herself or uplift her. My hope for all of my children is that in teaching them about Celebrating Differences, I can help them understand that being exactly who they are is the most beautiful thing they can offer this world. And perhaps in cases where it may be difficult to celebrate differences, they, and we, can strive to understand differences and realize that boundaries are perfectly healthy.

So, I ask you again, what insight do you have to share on the matter? I can’t tell you how badly I wish I could discuss this issue with my own Mom. I’m desperately homesick for her as of late. I believe she struggled greatly with these same insecurities and I would appreciate her thoughts right about now. Honestly, I would just love to hear her say, “You’re doing fine, Sara Baby Girl.”

You Do What You Value

March 12, 2014February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

As mentioned in my previous post, I am working on improving myself as a blogger. Part of that involves building my content on my own blog. This is why I plan to sprinkle in some of my posts here that were originally shared on Over the Big Moon. This particular post was from September of last year. Here it is, in case you missed it!

Sometimes we begin and then begin again. A couple years back, I received advice from my therapist when I was feeling particularly down. She asked me what the top three things were that I valued most. I told her my Faith, my family, and my friends. She followed up that question with, “Do your daily actions support the things you value most?” I knew instantly that my actions did
not match my values. It’s not that I don’t give those three aspects of my life attention, but certainly not in a manner that would reflect it as my top three core values.

I’ll be the first to admit, I get sucked in to my smartphone, social media, and pure laziness. I walked out of my therapist’s office that day with a goal to have my values and actions line up more appropriately. Sadly, I quickly fell back in to old habits.

Flash forward to a few weeks ago. A friend and I were discussing the pitfalls of social media and the smartphone. We confessed to each other that we wasted far too much time on our devices and didn’t tend to our home and family like we ought to be. We both decided to create goals that we could easily track. We used an app (ironic, right?) called Habit Goal Monitor. You can get it for free. We plugged in our goals and revitalized our efforts to have our actions and values align.

Then this past weekend, as my goals were looking bleak, I saw this piece of paper hanging on a wall in my church building that read: VALUES – You do what you value. You value what you do. If you don’t do it, you don’t value it.

Hello, Not-So-Subtle Reminder, thank you for joining me. I could easily have felt defeated at this point. It felt like a reprimand. I decided to look at it as a little nudge to begin again. Pick up where I am and keep going.

In my effort to honor the things that I value, I am trying to have personal and family scripture study daily, I am looking up at my children more even when they are doing the mundane, and I am putting the phone down when there is an opportunity for personal communication with loved ones.
I had a moment this past Thursday where my values and actions were in sync. I decided to act out the scriptures that I was reading to my kids before school. They found it hysterical that their Mom was up on a chair trying to be as a Prophet speaking from a tower. The result was a positive experience with my girls that they brought up throughout the day and even shared with friends.

I don’t plan to act out the scriptures every morning, but seeing the impact that had on my children motivates me to create more opportunities like that in their lives. I’ll stumble, of course. But I imagine what kind of woman I could be if my values and actions were perfect reflections of one another. If it feels as uplifting as it did that Thursday morning, then I will begin and begin again.

A Cautionary Tale of Flattery

March 6, 2014 ~ Sara W. ~ 4 Comments

I don’t recall being read to very often as a young child. A couple books stand out in my mind, but most of them I remember hearing in school. It wasn’t until I had my own children that I really became aware of the vast array of children’s books out there. I came to realize that you can write the most ridiculous books and somehow they get published. I remember reading one book recently and recalling the scene in Elf when Buddy’s Dad, who works at a children’s book company, is talking with one of his employees. The dialogue is as follows:

Buddy’s Dad: A reprint? You know how much that’s gonna cost?
Employee: Two whole pages are missing. The story doesn’t make any sense.
Buddy’s Dad: What, you think some kid’s gonna notice two pages? I mean, they… all they do is look at pictures.

Well, maybe the kid won’t notice, but us parents do. I wish I could remember the book that I was reading. I seriously kept checking to see if pages were ripped out because the ending of the book made zero sense. Gru, from Despicable Me, said it best when it comes to these ‘less than optimal’ children’s books I am referring to, “This is literature? A two year old could have written this…Ah, I don’t like this book. This is going on forever.” I think we’ve all experienced these types of books. Thankfully, there are children’s books out there that are fully worth adding a book award badge to their cover. These are the books that I will gladly read to my children one hundred times over, not because my kids ask me to, but because I genuinely enjoy getting lost in the book.

The Spider and the Fly is one of those books that I can’t help but read in the best of my character voices because it deserves to be read with feeling. It’s based on the 1829 poem by Mary Howitt with delightfully eerie illustrations by Tony DiTerlizzi. It’s a darker book than you expect to read to a child, but it gets the message across. Don’t expect a happy ending, as situations between spiders and flies rarely end in such a manner. But expect the opportunity to teach the lesson from this tale, which is, “To idle, silly, flattering words I pray you ne’er give heed.” This is something I feel our children need to learn in today’s society.

How cunning the world has come at flattering us into falsehoods. Not that spinning things to lead people astray is anything new. Obviously, it was a concern worth warning about in 1829. I personally fell victim to such “idle, silly, flattering words” during my teens and early twenties. I suppose I was too trusting. I believed that people always meant what they said. I hadn’t fully grasped that people will tell you what they think you want to hear to get from you what they want. I don’t mean for this to be a depressing topic, but I suppose I want to share the counsel that Mary Howitt did so eloquently nearly 200 years ago. We must teach our children and, if necessary, ourselves to be weary of such flattery. To be able to see flattery for what it is. I don’t suggest that we should become cynical and untrusting, but rather cautious.

Perhaps evaluate such a situation with Jacques Bainville’s quote mentioned in my earlier post Making Tomorrow’s Headlines Positive Ones, “One must want the consequences of what one wants.” For example, once upon a time I would be what I perceived others wanted me to be instead of being myself. I would receive flattery from a guy, which would feel exciting at first. Then flattery would evolve into flirting, which can be fun and innocent enough until it’s not. Suddenly, I would find myself in uncomfortable situations. Was that what I had intended when I first got wrapped up in the flattery? Certainly not. But we can get caught into these webs and soon find ourselves stuck. I had to learn that to avoid the web entanglement, I had to forego the belief that those first words of flattery were sincere. I had to understand that I was perfectly fine being exactly who I was. I didn’t have to prove that I was fun by being flirtatious, I had to realize that I am fun because I am me.

I have had my eyes opened more with age, but I still have to fight daily to separate the truths from the half-truths, as the latter are trickier than lies. Both The Spider and the Fly and my own experience above are proof of that. The Spider says many true things to the Fly to coerce her into trusting him. The same goes for my situation. The issue really begins when the truths become half-truths. If I struggle with this at the age of thirty-three, then how can I expect my children to be equipped for such a world if I don’t help explain it to them? Sure, The Spider and the Fly is a darker tale than most children’s books, but perhaps it’s a tale that our children need to hear before they have to learn it the hard way. Or worse, what if they never realize the web they have become entangled in?

“And now, dear little children, who may this story read,

To idle, silly, flattering words I pray you ne’er give heed;

Unto an evil counselor close heart and ear and eye,

And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.”

– Mary Howitt

Hiders and Seekers of Joy!

January 29, 2014February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

I vividly recall the panic I felt, as a child, when my friends wanted to play Hide-and-Seek. The seeking did not make me as nervous as the hiding did. I kid you not, most every time that I was waiting in my hiding spot, the urge to go potty would come on and I would have to call Time Out. I wish I could figure out what it was about being discovered that was so troubling to me. As an adult, the seeking is the scary part for me, as my husband is infamous for jumping out of his hiding spot to startle the seeker. I recently learned of a different Hide-and-Seek adventure though that I’m certain would only bring me joy.

In Lincoln City, which is along the northern coast of Oregon, there is an annual Seaside Treasure Hunt. In February, volunteers hide glass floats and glass sand dollars along the beach. This is the kind of Hide-and-Seek that piques my interest. Not only would the search be fun, but the item you find is a beautiful piece of art. Plus, the glass floats and sand dollars aren’t going to jump out and scare me. This is a win-win situation to me.

Even as an Oregon resident though, I know a trip to the coast isn’t in the cards for me this upcoming month. But it got me thinking, why not create my own Hide-and-Seek adventures for my loved ones?

In my teens and early twenties, I was much better about leaving love notes for my friends and family to find around their room or home. It seems somewhere in the last five years or so, I forgot about how great it is to surprise someone with a note of admiration and gratitude. Not that your hidden item has to be a love note.

How fun would it be if each of us were as the Lincoln City Volunteers and we left a piece of joy for a seeker to find? Maybe it’s flowers on a doorstep of a friend? An anonymous note in the mail? Or perhaps you tape a quarter to a parking meter for the next person, since feeding someone else’s expired meter is illegal in most places? Better yet! Get your kids involved! My girls love to draw and paint pictures. So much so that our refrigerator and walls are running out of room. Why not add the words “Have a Great Day!” to one of their drawings and tape them to doors at an Assisted Living Residence (with the manager’s permission, of course)? Or a candy box left in your mailbox with a Thank You note for the mailman? The possibilities are endless.

Since it’s unlikely that we’ll be able to comb the Oregon coast this February, perhaps bring the spirit of the treasure of the Oregon coast to your neighborhood. Be hiders and seekers of joy!

3 Perks to Getting Down

January 15, 2014February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

I captured this sweet moment a few months ago when visiting family. My son looking into the eyes of my Aunt’s resting dog. Do we take the time like we ought to in giving our undivided attention to others? Do we get to the same level as them in an effort to connect? It made me reflect on different instances where getting down can actually have the opposite effect.

1. Getting Down When Taking Pictures – I don’t consider myself a savvy photographer, though I truly love to take pictures. Mine are never really that great of quality since I don’t have the proper equipment. I prefer having a camera that I can slip in my back pocket and pull out for the unsuspecting moments. That aside, I am well aware of one of the big photography tricks with kids and that is making sure you are down on their level. The picture above is a perfect example. How different would this picture look if I had remained standing to take it? You wouldn’t have been able to see my son’s precious face and the direction of his gaze. You would have seen the top of his head, which takes out the connection between these two. The connection is what makes the picture so great. That same connection is felt when you’re down at the kids level versus taking pictures from up at yours.

2. Getting Down When Speaking With Your Children – I think many a seasoned parent has learned that they get further with their children when communicating with them at their eye-level. I know I’ve seen a difference in my disciplining efforts when I’ve done so. My girls seem to listen more intently when I’ve made an effort to get down to discuss matters with them at their level. The same goes for the positive affirmation. My kids respond with a deeper appreciation when I share my heartfelt feelings while we’re side-by-side. Perhaps shortening the distance increases the seriousness and sincerity of the message being given?

3. Getting Down On The Dance Floor – Or better yet, bringing your own dance floor wherever you go! Let’s set aside the fact that the picture quality above is, at best, poor and that I have a scrunchy in my hair that is bigger than my nose, which is saying a lot with the size of my nose. I share this because my Mom (in front) was an expert at “getting down” on the dance floor and any other place for that matter. I can’t even tell you how many rock out dance sessions she and I would have in the car together. My Mom was in her element when she was dancing. However, I think even for those that don’t have the natural desire to dance, joy is found when we allow our bodies to move with the beat whether real or imagined. My husband is not a dancer by nature. But I’ve recently had the good fortune of catching him in the middle of the Running Man Dance Move when playing with the kids. It always makes me smile. Getting down and dancing just makes my heart happy. A large portion of my favorite moments with my children involve us dancing together. I love how Brene Brown puts it in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, “I measure the spiritual health of our family by how much dancing is happening in our kitchen.” Getting down and dancing is just good for the soul.

I think the common benefit to each of these ways of “getting down” is a greater connection to the world around us. Sometimes we get lost in the hustle and bustle of life and forget to embrace the beauty that takes place when we capture moments from the optimal angle, connect with loved ones on their level, and dance our hearts out with unadulterated joy.

Forgive Me for What I Did Not Do

January 7, 2014February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

The other night, as I was snuggling with my husband and girls, my eldest told me that I spend too much time paying bills, being on my computer, and on my phone and not enough time playing with my family. Her words struck me to the core. I know she’s right. Social media outlets are my weakness. Half the time I check them out of habit and boredom more than interest. It’s really quite sad. The real heartbreak though is that I obviously failed to uphold my Testimony of Children goals I made for myself.

I think one of the problems is that I tried to track my media use in minutes. I think I need to base it more on visits. My new, and hopefully more realistic goal, is to allow myself three check-ins with social media. I’ll save one for my morning, one for mid-day, and one for evening. I’m sure this still sounds excessive to some, but it’s currently much more frequent than that. In addition to managing my social media, I’m going to try to keep my bill paying and writing for times when it does not take away from family time. For instance, all the kiddos are either in school or napping right now. This is a perfect time to work on some things for me.

Since my eldest’s remarks, I have been more cognizant of my screen time. But my short-comings on the matter came to the forefront of my mind again as I was saying my bedtime prayers last night. I was reflecting on the things I needed to repent for in my day, when I realized that it was not so much what I did that I needed to ask forgiveness for, but it was more of what I didn’t do. Checking Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest are not sinful activities. However, missing out on opportunities to nurture my relationship with my children is quite remorseful.

It’s not just my children that I’m missing out on though, it’s life in general. When I get feeling low, I tend to hide and withdraw from the world around me. I base my connections on those that I can keep at a virtual distance. I engage less with my children, my husband, and loved ones around me. I isolate myself to protect myself. Sometimes the cloud over me lifts on it’s own accord and sometimes I get a stinging wake-up call to encourage me to work harder at pulling myself out of it. This time I think I owe my eldest my gratitude for helping me see that what I was feeling internally was inadvertently being felt by all those around me.

As I’ve been looking for ways to break free from my sluggish and blue emotional state, I’ve reflected on the fact that all the things that make me feel better are things that I don’t initially want to do. Why is that? I remember as a young teenager, I never wanted to go to church. I would dread those Sunday mornings and drag my feet. However, by the time I walked out of the church building, I always felt rejuvenated and inspired. I came out feeling better. It’s the same with exercise. I hate to exercise. I really, really do. Yet whenever I complete a workout or even a simple walk, I feel more energized and optimistic.

I feel the same way about playing with my kids sometimes. I know that sounds bad, but I’m just not very good at playing. I never have been. Even when I was a kid, I was known for wanting to hang out with the adults. Sure, I had Barbies and My Little Ponies, but I tired quickly of those activities. My imagination is very limited for some reason. I think that’s why the idea of playing with my kids doesn’t always sound appealing. I enjoy my kids company and love to do stuff with them, but just sitting around a playing isn’t easy for me. But, just as with church and exercise, I feel so much better when I get down to their level and play in their world.

So, in honor of my resolution for this Bright New Year, I’m going to try to bring the bright into our home by doing what doesn’t come easy to me. I’m going to try to incorporate walks more, increase my time focused on spiritual matters and set aside more time to play with my family, per my eldest’s suggestion. I’m beginning to see a pattern here that things worth working for are truly the most rewarding and fulfilling ways to engage in the world around you.

First Friday Find: Airplane Mode

January 4, 2014February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

My 23-month-old son can barely say a handful of words and yet he has made phone calls, sent text messages, and left Voxers for my friends and family on numerous occasions. I don’t worry about my friends and family getting random communication from my son, but when I arrived at my hairstylist’s studio and she asked me if I had a Special Needs child, I realized my son’s calling habits were getting out of hand.

The phone calls got so frequent that my Dad and Step-Mom tried to divert my son’s attention with a Thomas the Train cell phone. It never works that way though, does it? Those little stinkers know the real thing when they see it.

I was at a loss as to what to do about my son’s rampant communication efforts with my phone. I have no problem with him playing with my phone. It’s all the havoc that he causes once he has it that concerns me. I have an App on my phone called Toddler Lock, which I highly recommend, but he has grown tired of that ploy as well.

That’s why a simple interaction with my friend the other day was so eye-opening to me. My friend offered up her phone to keep my son entertained and I tried to caution her about his calling habits and she simply responded, “No, it’s okay, I’ll put it on Airplane Mode.” Whaaaaat?! Why did I never think of this?

Sometimes I’m such an inside of the box kind of girl that I don’t even contemplate looking outside of it. I just assumed Airplane Mode is used for when you’re on an airplane. Case closed. The whole concept of Airplane Mode saving my son from communications while on solid ground was mind-boggling to me. Now when he takes my phone, I simply turn my settings to Airplane Mode and all communications and radio signal options are cut from the phone’s capabilities.

So, while it’s not an earth-shattering find, it is a find worth sharing. Even if there is just one Mom out there that can rest easy knowing her toddler is not making calls to her husband while she’s explaining said husband’s upcoming surprise party to her friend, then this post has made a difference.

Achieve the Impossible

December 24, 2013February 10, 2016 ~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

A while back, I was watching The Pirates! Band Of Misfitswith my kiddos. Towards the end of the movie, as things are looking bleak for the protagonist, The Pirate Captain, his response to the naysayers is, “It’s only impossible if you stop and think about it.” It’s such a quick line that I almost missed it. I found the line enlightening. Certainly, I am not suggesting we forego thinking things through, but I don’t imagine it does anyone any good to think things to death and risk lost possibilities.

I did that very thing for years with writing. I came up with all the reasons why it would be pointless to even pursue writing. I believed it impossible that anyone would enjoy anything I had to write. I thought about it so much that I never did it. I’m learning that the action of writing in itself is fulfilling the desires of my heart. The perks of positive feedback is really more than I could have dreamed of for myself.

But even on a smaller scale, as I sit here with no Christmas presents wrapped, my shopping incomplete, a grocery store trip still on the horizon, and bathrooms that need cleaning, I feel overwhelmed trying to process how it will all get done in time. The best thing I can do for myself and my family is just keep moving. Sitting here dwelling on what needs to get done will get me no further along.

If a task is feeling daunting to you or a dream is feeling unattainable, may I suggest that the only thinking you do on the matter be to believe it possible and figure out the first step that needs to happen to make it so. My husband knows I can get easily overwhelmed by an over-flowing sink of dishes or a laundry list of to-do’s and he reminds me of the old adage, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” So, pick up one toy, wash one load, write one post, decline one cookie, create one water color, put one foot in front of the other and make your goals and desires happen! Don’t let over thinking it stop you from achieving it!

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: