Faith

Who Do I Want to Be?

~ Sara W. ~ 3 Comments

Recently, I listened to a talk given by a religious leader, Dale G. Renlund, which spoke about our ability to try to be something more than what we are now, persevering in our efforts to do so, and being patient with others who are striving to do the same.  The essence of the talk was that our focus should be more about who we are now and what we are becoming rather than what we once were.  In his talk, Renlund quoted a line from As You Like It by William Shakespeare.  In the scene, the eldest brother, Oliver, is being questioned as to whether or not he plotted to kill his younger brother, Orlando.  He responds to the inquiry with, “‘Twas I, but ’tis not I.  I do not shame to tell you what I was, since my conversion so sweetly tasted, being the thing I am.”  In modern terms, Oliver is expressing that he did plot to kill Orlando and he has no shame in confessing it, as he knows he has since been converted from his evil ways.  As I listened to the line from Shakespeare, I kept repeating the words in my mind, “‘Twas I, but ’tis not I,” and then I asked myself, “who am I now and who am I no longer?”  I’m thinking now, though, that the best question to ask would be, “who do I want to be?”

So many different thoughts race to my mind when I ask myself, “who do I want to be?”  The overwhelming thought being that I would like to be healthy.  My greatest desire for myself is to be physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially healthy.  When I put it that way, though, I see the list, get overwhelmed, and prevent myself from trying at anything at all.  Then, I get the idea that maybe if I just pick one thing that is of the utmost importance it will have an affect on the other categories?  Or better yet, maybe I need to pick just one thing to improve upon from each category?  The physically healthy category should be the easiest, as right now I’m at Level Zero, despite the fact that Master Shifu in Kung Fu Panda claims, “There is no such thing as Level Zero.”  The other categories may be a little more challenging.

Fitness

Physically Healthy

I recently posted the image above on my Facebook timeline because, while this is not actually a picture of me, it is me to a T.  Would you like some proof?  Go ahead and type ‘burger’ in the Search field on the top right side of my website and see how many posts reference my love for burgers.  While the image perfectly captures my current stance on fitness and burger intake, I am embarrassed that I make light of the topic so much.  Contrary to my actions, I really do believe in the importance of being physically healthy.  My road to being physically healthy will look different than your road, as cheeseburgers may not be your weak spot.  So, if you are seeking a healthier lifestyle, then ask yourself what steps need to be taken to make that a reality.  I have plenty of things I can improve upon in the realm of diet and exercise.  If I’m only picking one, I think I’ll go with only allowing myself one burger a week.  Yes, this is a challenge for me.  Remember, Level Zero.

I’m picking this one over an exercise related one, as my cholesterol numbers are less than favorable.  After the Stroke of Luck, they did some customary blood work.  In the past, my numbers were of borderline concern, but these new numbers were embarrassing.  I did learn that postpartum cholesterol numbers are skewed, but to avoid added risk post-stroke, they placed me on cholesterol medicine.  Apparently, cholesterol numbers do not level out to an accurate reading until one year out from delivery.  This means that in July I have the chance to get off of cholesterol medication.  While I am a big supporter of medicine, I think it’s silly to be on medicine for something that can be controlled with proper diet and exercise.  So, long story short, I’m starting with my cutback on cheeseburgers.  I’m going to imagine that in five years from now somebody will confront me with, “Did you once eat so many cheeseburgers that you were on cholesterol medicine?”  Then I can respond, “‘Twas I, but ’tis not I.”

Who Do I Want to Be

Emotionally Healthy

I often wonder what “level” I would be at in the emotionally healthy realm if I did not suffer from Bi-polar II?  Mental illness is a tricky beast because sometimes you fall for the old-fashioned beliefs that if you just do XY&Z, then you can be cured from such an illness without medication ever being needed.  I don’t doubt that doing XY&Z can lessen the blow of a low in the depression cycle, but I’ve yet to witness a natural solution in my nine years with the illness.  So, what other options do I have in this category?  I would like to stop yelling at my kids.

I am not a frequent yeller, but the fact that I yell at all upsets me.  I may be the worst type of yeller, because I don’t yell at all people.  I imagine a person that yells at everyone in their life just doesn’t know any better.  But if I do not yell at strangers, nor my husband, nor my friends or extended family, then I must know better.  My children are the only ones that seem to get my wrath.  I hate it.  It’s such an ugly trait.  It’s definitely less than it once was, but I have yet to eradicate yelling from our home.  I’m not even going to excuse it, per my previous post No Excuses, No Explanations.  No excuses; just solutions here today.  How about a “Yell Jar” instead of a “Swear Jar”?  Heck, this could end up helping me with being financially healthy.  I may have enough money to buy myself something nice.

Spiritually Healthy

If I had to pick a category that I was the healthiest in, it would probably be this one.  However, I am still lacking plenty.  I’ve always been good about bedtime and mealtime prayers, but morning prayer tends to be a hard one for me.  Mainly because I am not a morning person.  I stay in my bed as long as humanly possible, thus not allowing for a couple extra minutes for morning prayer before having to tend to children.  However, studying the scriptures can be just as crucial as morning prayer in becoming spiritually healthy.  Ugh!  It’s a toss up.  Perhaps I will cheat in this category and do two?  Morning prayer and scripture study combined are likely to have the greatest impact on improving my health in all categories.  For the non-Christians out there, a good alternative may be to add time for meditation to your daily routine.

Financially Healthy

Remember my love for cheeseburgers?  Well, I don’t eat them at home.  I eat them at my favorite restaurants.  It turns out that eating out adds up when you have five other companions joining you.  Meals out are pricey with our family size.  Eating out is a huge weakness of mine.  I would much rather spend money on eating a meal out with my family than buying myself a new outfit.  I don’t even have the courage to admit to the amount of money spent from our budget on eating out.  Let’s just say that I will cut down on our restaurant budget and frequency by at least 20%.  Whew.  That feels like a lot to swallow.  I suppose with my burger cutback, this may happen naturally.

It’s as I suspected, improving something in one category has an affect on other categories.  As mentioned in It’s a Habit!, the average length it takes for something to become a habit is 66 days.  To help me with my goal, I just went and installed the app HabitBull on my smartphone.  Only three of the five changes mentioned are really habit forming.  I added the following habits to HabitBull: daily scripture study, daily morning prayer, and a one burger a week tracker.  The yelling will be managed by the “Yell Jar” and the 20% cut in restaurant budget will be tracked through You Need A Budget (YNAB).

Wish me luck in helping me become who I want to be.  Thankfully, like Oliver in As You Like It, I do believe that I can be converted, as I have seen changes already in my life from what I once was.  What a remarkable thing it is to be able to grow and develop into something more than we are today.  Think of all the opportunities that lay before you, if you just ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?,” and then strive to become that person.

Because of Him

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment
Earlier in the year, I contributed on the blog Over the Big Moon.  I have been making a point to include all of my posts that were previously on their site over here on my site.  This is the final post that I have to transfer.  The post below was previously published on Easter Sunday.  I felt that it would be fitting to share it this month, as we approach this sacred holiday in which we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, who atoned for our sins so that we may have eternal life.

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Today is a significant day for Christians all over the world.  It is Easter Sunday.  A day in which we celebrate the resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  Through out this past week, I saw a series of posters created by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sharing the different blessings we have received because of Him, our Savior.  The one that left the deepest impression on my heart was the one that stated, “No goodbye will last forever.”  Perhaps the reason this poster touched me the most is because today also happens to mark the anniversary of my mom’s passing.  Six years ago, to the day and date, my siblings and our spouses surrounded my mother, as she slipped from this life in to the next.


As I sit here and contemplate all the many blessings that we receive through the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, I marvel at how I’ve witnessed those blessings first hand in the lives of so many, myself included.  I think of my own Mom’s life and how she struggled for so many years.  While I do not know all the sins and troubles my mother bore, I know that in her final years on this earth, she did all that she knew how to change her life around and make it Christ-centered.  She had expressed to me at one point how much she mourned all the wrong that she had done.  At that same time, I watched firsthand as the power of forgiveness worked in her life.  I watched as she touched the hearts of all those she came in contact with, I watched as she showed mercy to others that she saw suffering similar trials, I watched as she exemplified strength with each hideous chemo session she had to endure, and I watched as she made every effort to make every moment count with her children and grandchildren.  My Mom left behind an amazing testimony of the strength and peace that comes from living a Christ-centered life.  What she left for me, and her posterity, is an example of each and every blessing we are afforded through Jesus Christ.


While it’s difficult that the anniversary of her passing lands on Easter this year, I am finding comfort in the significance of the sacred holiday as it pertains to my Mom’s life and my eternal perspective.  Upon reading and watching the above mentioned messages and applying it to the tender matters of my heart, I have gained a greater understanding of Easter.  It is not just that we celebrate that He is risen.  It is the realization of all that we receive through His atoning sacrifice and resurrection.  Because of Him we are given second chances, mercy, comfort, hope, and eternal life.  How grateful I am for each of these blessings.

All that being said, it was hard this week to recognize the blessings that come from the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I suppose my load just felt too heavy to bear.  Sadly, I spent a good portion of Wednesday focusing on all the things I had been “robbed” of by the premature passing of my Mom.  I found myself experiencing feelings of anger and resentment all over again.  I subconsciously made the decision to focus on all the “have nots” in my life and began to feel sorry for myself.  I think what it comes down to is that the depth of my heartache was too heavy to bear…alone.  That was my problem.  I was trying to do it alone.  I needed to give my burdens to the Lord and open my heart up to those with whom He has placed in my life as a tender mercy.  Even though night was falling by the time I opened up to my husband, and then to my friends, my day was growing brighter; my load was lighter.  

That is the message of Easter, is it not?  It is a message of life and light, mercy and hope.  Without my knowledge of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I imagine I would spend more of my days feeling the desperation and loneliness that I felt this past Wednesday.  While those feelings are reasonable to feel from time to time, I don’t recommend soaking in them, as I did.  All it led to was a whole lot of crying.  I couldn’t help but think of Marjorie Hinckley’s quote the following morning when I awoke with swollen, burning eyes and a terrible headache, “The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”  So today, even as I managed to do the actual morning of my Mom’s passing, I will choose to laugh.  May your Easter, and your life, be filled with the mercy and hope that comes through our Savior.  And may you know, as I do, that because of Him no goodbye will last forever.
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Are You Enrolled in Parenting 505?

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

This coming Sunday, I will have the privilege of posting on Over the Big Moon (OTBM).  I appreciate the opportunity that I have to contribute to their site.  This week, I’d like to post one of my previous OTBM posts here on my blog.  Since this post was originally written earlier this year, I feel the need to clarify that I am now the mother of four beautiful and delightful children.  It’s always good for me to re-read my past posts, as it reminds me of positive insight I have received that I tend to forget.  Whether this is your first time or fifth time reading this post, I hope you will find it beneficial for you as well.


I have three wonderful children and one on the way.  As any mother of multiple children will tell you, each child comes with their unique personality.  It baffles me how children being raised the same way can bring such a different dynamic to the family unit.  As it stands right now, my eldest is my most challenging child.  I used to say that with frustration, but lately I’ve been feeling pretty darn grateful for the difficulties I face with her.  It sounds strange, right?  But over the past three years, what were once feelings of irritation in raising my eldest have now turned into appreciation for all that I’ve learned.  This transformation did not come without cause.

Almost three years ago, I heard this talk by Lynn G. Robbins that I have referenced several times since.  The portion of his talk that stuck with me and led to my change in perspective was this, “A sweet and obedient child will enroll a father or mother only in Parenting 101.  If you are blessed with a child who tests your patience to the nth degree, you will be enrolled in Parenting 505…With which child will your patience, long-suffering, and other Christlike virtues most likely be tested, developed and refined?  Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?”  Those words were enlightening to me.

My eldest is actually a really amazing little girl.  It’s more my struggle in learning how to be a mother that leads she and I to butt heads so often.  Also, it doesn’t help that she’s a lot like me.  I’m still trying to figure out how to handle myself, let alone raise a mini-me.  How do you teach a child to communicate calmly when you yourself are quick to escalate?  Motherhood is just tough stuff and it gets more challenging when you’re raising the child who tends to test your patience to the nth degree.

I think about my various struggles with my eldest over the years and most every incident resulted in me learning a lesson.  The most obvious lesson I’ve had to learn repeatedly is patience.  I will likely be tested on this virtue until I leave this world.  I am just not very patient.  However, if I have made any improvement in this department, I owe it entirely to my eldest who has given me multiple instances to try and try again.  I write these words with sincerity.  Of course, in the middle of our battles, I could not tell you that I am grateful for her behavior nor my own.  But reflecting on how far I’ve come through the years has humbled me.

Another thing that my eldest has taught me is how to refine myself to be the woman and mother that I want to be.  Previously, I just sort of floated through life thinking I was a decent person and likable enough and that was that.  I didn’t feel like I owed it to anyone to be the best version of myself.  I wasn’t trying to be a lesser version of myself, I just hadn’t given it any thought one way or the other.  That can change when you have a child, whether they be the prerequisite to Parenting 101 or Parenting 505.  Realizing that I am the model for my children’s behavior has made me evaluate what kind of model I am giving them.  Many of us are familiar with the saying, “When you point one finger, three fingers are pointing back at you.”  I feel like all the disappointed finger pointing I have done towards my children has led me to really reflect on my role in their behavior.  As a result, I’ve had the chance to work on my shortcomings.

That’s what I love about life.  We can change and grow.  There are exceptions to the rule, of course.  The number one exception being that change will not happen if one does not truly want it to be so.  But I believe that change can happen.  I’ve seen it happen in my own life.  I have terrible memories of how I would respond to my daughter when we didn’t see eye-to-eye.  I still catch myself getting caught up in a moment and reverting back to my senseless yelling.  I thought I was helping by scolding her so much that she would not want to ever see that side of me.  But she’s taught me that my method does no good with her personality.  I have had to humble myself.  I continually pray for guidance on how to best raise her so that she can reach her full potential.  What is more conducive to change and growth than humbling yourself and admitting that maybe you really don’t know what’s best?  That’s what Parenting 505 can teach you.  The child that enrolls you in Parenting 505 is the child that says, “Nope.  You still have more to learn.”

Through out my learning process with my eldest, I have come to realize that the number one trigger to her poor behavior is when I’m not doing well personally.  She feeds off of the vibe I’m sending out.  This has been eye-opening for me, as I have to step back and try to find the true root of our struggle.  Sometimes it’s my sincere irritation with one of her white lies and other times it’s ill-founded frustration that I take out on her because I’m stressed about something else.  The latter being an unbecoming behavior that I long to change.  And then I think again about Robbins words, “Could it be possible that you need this child as much as this child needs you?”

I’m realizing that I need my eldest more than she needs me.  Being a mother to her has strengthened my resolve to be better and do better each day.  I’m truly grateful that my eldest enrolled me in Parenting 505 and I pray that I don’t fail her or the class.

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The Present is Here – Live in It!

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

You know those truths in life that you know to be true but still have a hard time abiding by?  Most of them were likely taught to you in the form of a saying.  For instance, practice makes perfect, early bird gets the worm, you are what you eat, and so on.  We know these things to be true, right?  But sometimes we don’t want to practice, we don’t want to get up early, and we certainly don’t want to be a carrot when we can be a cheeseburger instead.  Well, all the different sayings that exist that speak to the importance of living in the present is what I wish to write about this week.  And why do I want to share this topic?  Simple.  I want to discuss it, because I seem to be fighting the need to do it.

I know I need to live in the present.  I know it’s a gift and that’s why it’s called the present.  I know it.  Apparently, I just don’t want to do it.  I’m assuming it’s the crazed mind of a 37 week pregnant woman, but I just want to fast forward to the part where I get to deliver a healthy baby and learn the gender of kiddo #4.  The waiting is slowly driving me mad.
This past Monday was a perfect example of a nearly missed opportunity to live in the present.  I got to go to one of my favorite places and I had to continually tell myself to let go of my obsessive thinking about the unknown arrival of our baby and focus on the three babies and wonderful husband I already had with me on this gorgeous day.  It seems absurd to me that I had to struggle to focus on the goodness that was right before me; the magnificent scenery of the lake, hills and trees and the pure joy of my kiddos playing in the clear water.  What a waste the day could have been had I not at least attempted to let go of things I could not control about my future.
As I learned to let go, the time at the lake became more peaceful.  It became more peaceful because I became more present in the moment.  I even had an opportunity to float out on my own and just soak up the sunshine.  Time seemed to slip away in a much more pleasing manner.  
Lately, each minute has felt like hours.  Time feels like it’s standing still, as my induction date seems to be forever ahead of me.  My OB doctor assured me today that he has yet to have a patient stay pregnant forever, but boy do these last few weeks seem to be dragging on forever.  I can’t help but think of this ecard I found on Pinterest that states, “Bless me with patience…Not opportunities to be patient, I’ve had plenty of those and they don’t seem to be working.  The actual patience…”
So, here I am, slowly approaching 38 weeks being pregnant and trying to appreciate the opportunities I have been given to be patient.  I learned long ago that the term, “I’ll be happy when…” never gets fulfilled in the way we think.  I don’t want to live with the idea that, “I’ll be happy when this baby comes.”  I’d rather live with the knowledge of, “I’ll be happy when I live in the present.”  Sometimes, it’s just a little harder for me than I’d like it to be.
For others who have difficulty living in the present, it’s due to their need to hold on to matters in the past.  I feel like I’ve been on that side of it too, but that’s a topic for another day.  
If you’re living in any time other than the present, perhaps it’s best to apply the words that were spoken back in 1989 by the current President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Thomas S. Monson, in a talk titled Go For It!, “The past is behind – learn from it; the future is ahead – prepare for it; the present is here – live in it.”  My goal is to strive to do just that.
The present is here – I’m gonna live in it!
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Seeking Light

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

This past weekend was quite a memorable one for me.  A date night is always a treat, but my husband and I actually managed to have two date nights in a row.  Both evenings were awesome, but the second night had an unusual twist to it that I would like to share.

We went on a double date with our friends to celebrate a birthday milestone.  We started our night off with some delicious Mediterranean Food and then walked over to a tiny independent theater in our downtown area.  We had never been before and the place had such a fun vibe.  It only seats 24 people and the refreshment bar is in the same room as the theater.  They serve Coca-Cola in the vintage bottles, popcorn in a big silver tin and dish up candy in a white paper sack.  We were seated in the front row and ready to watch a series of Oscar Nominated Live Action Short Films.  I have a soft spot for Short Films, but that’s a post for another day.

The first movie was a touching film from Denmark, the second was a thought-provoking short from the UK, the third was a suspense-thriller from France, and the fourth was just horrific.  I’m of the opinion that you do not have to explicitly show something to get the general idea of the subject matter.  Clearly, the Writer/Director of this Spanish short film does not feel the same as I do.  I like how the review on CraveOnline puts it in regards to That Wasn’t Me, “the film’s flagrant messaging and shock tactics leave it feeling sleazy, and coated with a discomforting goo. Not the kind of grotesque veneer you’d expect and want from a film about the horrors of child soldiers in Africa…”  In the middle of one of the more disturbing scenes, my husband got up and left the theater.  My friend’s husband immediately followed him.  Then, my friend and I followed as well.  We all knew why my husband got up and left and I think we were all a little upset at ourselves for not walking out sooner.  We agreed that we needed to go find something upbeat to do in an effort to recover from what we had all just witnessed on the screen.  The night ended with some fascinating people-watching in a local restaurant while dining on churros and ice-cream.  All was well in the end.

Now, I told you all of that, to tell you this.  The images from that movie did not leave my mind.  I tried to inundate myself with scripture reading, Facebook, praying, Pinterest delights and the like to dull the memory of the graphic scenes I watched.  My methods helped, but I slept awful the first night and spent most of the second day trying to redirect my thoughts onto something positive.  As I was working so hard to bring peace back in to my mind, I got to thinking about people that can’t just walk out of the movie theater and seek out light.

Some people are not as fortunate as I am to live in a home that has joy and peace.  Many have to live in dark circumstances with constant negative influences.  This reminded me of a story I read by Susan Wyman where she was sharing her struggle with family discord.  Then, she had this thought about being in complete darkness and imagined herself lighting a tiny birthday candle.  Wyman says, “It seemed so insignificant, yet the power of that minuscule light was enough to displace the blackness…The quantity of darkness surrounding us in the world simply does not matter.  Light is eternal and is vastly more powerful than darkness.”  Her words ring true to me.

All these thoughts reminded me of my New Year’s Resolution for a Bright New Year.  I’m blessed to live in a healthy environment, but that doesn’t mean I cannot make it brighter.  Or perhaps strive to bring more light to those that are not as fortunate?  I think more than anything this week, I wanted readers to reflect on whether or not they are living among the light or darkness?  If the light, share it with those around you and cherish the gift that you hold.  If you find yourself walking in darkness, have faith that your own light is ‘enough to displace the blackness.’  And, if possible, do as my husband did and walk out of the darkness and seek the light.

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Forgive Me for What I Did Not Do

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

The other night, as I was snuggling with my husband and girls, my eldest told me that I spend too much time paying bills, being on my computer, and on my phone and not enough time playing with my family.  Her words struck me to the core.  I know she’s right.  Social media outlets are my weakness.  Half the time I check them out of habit and boredom more than interest.  It’s really quite sad.  The real heartbreak though is that I obviously failed to uphold my Testimony of Children goals I made for myself.

I think one of the problems is that I tried to track my media use in minutes.  I think I need to base it more on visits.  My new, and hopefully more realistic goal, is to allow myself three check-ins with social media.  I’ll save one for my morning, one for mid-day, and one for evening.  I’m sure this still sounds excessive to some, but it’s currently much more frequent than that.  In addition to managing my social media, I’m going to try to keep my bill paying and writing for times when it does not take away from family time.  For instance, all the kiddos are either in school or napping right now.  This is a perfect time to work on some things for me.

Since my eldest’s remarks, I have been more cognizant of my screen time.  But my short-comings on the matter came to the forefront of my mind again as I was saying my bedtime prayers last night.  I was reflecting on the things I needed to repent for in my day, when I realized that it was not so much what I did that I needed to ask forgiveness for, but it was more of what I didn’t do.  Checking Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest are not sinful activities.  However, missing out on opportunities to nurture my relationship with my children is quite remorseful. 



It’s not just my children that I’m missing out on though, it’s life in general.  When I get feeling low, I tend to hide and withdraw from the world around me.  I base my connections on those that I can keep at a virtual distance.  I engage less with my children, my husband, and loved ones around me.  I isolate myself to protect myself.  Sometimes the cloud over me lifts on it’s own accord and sometimes I get a stinging wake-up call to encourage me to work harder at pulling myself out of it.  This time I think I owe my eldest my gratitude for helping me see that what I was feeling internally was inadvertently being felt by all those around me.

As I’ve been looking for ways to break free from my sluggish and blue emotional state, I’ve reflected on the fact that all the things that make me feel better are things that I don’t initially want to do.  Why is that?  I remember as a young teenager, I never wanted to go to church.  I would dread those Sunday mornings and drag my feet.  However, by the time I walked out of the church building, I always felt rejuvenated and inspired.  I came out feeling better.  It’s the same with exercise.  I hate to exercise.  I really, really do.  Yet whenever I complete a workout or even a simple walk, I feel more energized and optimistic.  

I feel the same way about playing with my kids sometimes.  I know that sounds bad, but I’m just not very good at playing.  I never have been.  Even when I was a kid, I was known for wanting to hang out with the adults.  Sure, I had Barbies and My Little Ponies, but I tired quickly of those activities.  My imagination is very limited for some reason.  I think that’s why the idea of playing with my kids doesn’t always sound appealing.  I enjoy my kids company and love to do stuff with them, but just sitting around a playing isn’t easy for me.  But, just as with church and exercise, I feel so much better when I get down to their level and play in their world.

So, in honor of my resolution for this Bright New Year, I’m going to try to bring the bright into our home by doing what doesn’t come easy to me.  I’m going to try to incorporate walks more, increase my time focused on spiritual matters and set aside more time to play with my family, per my eldest’s suggestion.  I’m beginning to see a pattern here that things worth working for are truly the most rewarding and fulfilling ways to engage in the world around you.

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Remember to Look Up!

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

As with most everyone this time of year, time is racing by and the laundry list of things to accomplish before Christmas seems never-ending.  I have to confess, being newly pregnant with our fourth child, my days have been spent in a blur of nausea and exhaustion.  I can hardly find the motivation to feed my children and myself let alone figure out the gift of gratitude I ought to be putting together for my girl’s teachers at school.  I keep thinking how grateful I am that I have no elf on our shelf.  As surely, the elf would have to report my poor behavior and lack of motivation.

However, in one of those moments when I was dragging myself aimlessly around the house, as my sweet husband made us dinner, I remembered to turn on the outdoor Christmas lights.  When I went outside to do so, I remarked at how freezing it was and quickly turned back to go inside.  Upon locking the front door, I glanced through the little windows at the top of our door.  I saw the most magnificent sky filled with hot pinks that couldn’t fully be captured in a picture, though I tried.  Without realizing it, I breathed, “Wow.”  My husband asked about my comment and I responded, “I almost missed out by not looking up.”

 

A reminder to look up was just the right message I needed this week.  I use the word ‘up’ not just as a reference to the sky, but in the general manner of optimism, hope, and, for those that are Christian, a reminder to look upwards towards heaven and our Savior, even Jesus Christ.
For a variety of reasons, the last few weeks have not been easy for me.  But I know for a surety that the moments that were filled with the most peace were when I got on my knees and plead with my Father in Heaven to comfort the aching hearts of loved ones, and myself, who were facing disappointments and pain.
There is so much more joy to be found in looking upward and outward!  There are sunsets to be seen, hills to climb and accomplish, lives to be brightened, and hope to be had.  My Mom had a doorknob hanger that now resides in our home that reads, “Look up!  That’s where the blessings come from.”  Indeed they do.
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Can You Get Yourself All Wrong?

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

This past weekend I went to a lake near our new hometown.  I’m not used to such treasures being so close.  I grew up in Southern California.  We had different treasures of our own there.  It is a land of plenty and yet somehow it was missing something I never knew I needed.  This made me think, while I was floating on the lake, can you get yourself all wrong?  Can you discover that something has been missing in your life without ever knowing it was missing in the first place?

I was spoiled as a kid.  I’d like to think I didn’t act spoiled.  I went to Disneyland frequently as a child.  I had an annual pass to Disneyland nearly constantly from thirteen until I was thirty.  I got to spend time in beach houses for a few summers, attend professional sporting events of all kinds, go to concerts, and went shopping more than I even enjoyed.  I truly love where I grew up.  It made for a fun-filled upbringing.

As I grew into adulthood, I learned that my personal favorites of Southern California were the beach, Disneyland, and attending LA Kings hockey games.  Then, after having kids, I realized that the beach started to become a hassle to get to and parking rates were ever-increasing; Disneyland’s ticket prices were sky-rocketing faster than I could keep up; and hockey games in LA required hours of baby-sitting and loads of money for tickets, food, gas and parking.  Crowds and costs started to make those things I loved less special and, honestly, less attainable.

Then this past weekend, I think it finally hit me that I had it all wrong all those years.  I will not deny that the Pacific Coast is breath-taking, Disneyland is magical, and an LA Kings hockey game is thrilling.  But, since I’ve moved from the hustle and bustle, I’ve seen scenery so gorgeous and virtually untouched that it brought me nearly to tears, found that walking through forests and along waterfalls is magical, and learned that floating a river is heavenly.

I grew up believing these simple truths about myself – I am a Disney girl, I don’t like the great outdoors, I’m not athletic, I don’t camp, and I hate bugs.  I got myself all wrong, well, except for the latter.  I truly hate bugs.  While I haven’t let loose quite yet and gone camping, I foresee it happening sooner than I ever even desired in Southern California.  I’ve been out exploring the great outdoors more in the past seven months than my thirty-one years prior combined.

I’m finding a piece of me here that I had hoped I would find but didn’t expect to find out on the lake last Saturday.  I anticipated a slower paced life would do me good and it has.  However, I never imagined that feeling smaller in this great big universe would make me feel fuller inside.  Is this what it feels like to start growing beyond yourself?

I have a dear friend who I was discussing religion with some years ago.  At the time, she described herself as Agnostic, a person who believes the existence of a deity is unknowable.  When discussing Christianity with her, she replied, “I’m just not sure I can believe it after I’ve spent so many years not believing it.”  She didn’t like the idea of the possibility of having spent all those years “wrong.”

I remember feeling pretty sad at the time about her remark.  But there are many of us that are making similar choices daily in regards to other matters, perhaps less important than religion.  I’ve spent years believing that Southern California was the best place to be.  You have everything you can imagine at your fingertips.  What more can you want?  But, what I didn’t realize was that I needed less not more.  Less lines, less prices, less taxes, less traffic, and less materialism.

I truly don’t intend for this post to be anti-Southern California.  I love where I grew up and look forward to many visits to loved ones, beaches, and Disneyland.  I am merely using this an example.

On this day when America celebrates its independence and our individual freedoms, I encourage those reading to practice their freedoms.  We have the freedom to change our minds and, perhaps, change our path.  Are you trying to fit yourself into a mold that you once fit or were put in to at a young age?  Are you afraid to admit you’ve been wrong all these years?

For those out there that have been good about experiencing the many treasures of this world, thanks for setting the example for the rest of us learning to spread our wings.

I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.

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