Author: Sara W.

You Can’t Fix Yourself by Breaking Someone Else

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

I find human nature amusing at times, don’t you?  The first scene of the movie He’s Just Not That Into You is a perfect example.  It shows a little girl being bullied at the park by a little boy.  The little girl then goes up to her Mom to explain the events and the Mom’s response is, “That means the boy likes you.”  Wait, what?  Being mean is an indication of liking someone?!  I recall, in my own youth, being told that if a kid was being mean to me it’s a sign that they are jealous of me.  This brings me back to my first statement that us humans can be an odd bunch sometimes.

My examples above are that of kids, but some of our backwards behavior carries on into our adulthood.  Are you ready for my true confession of discordant thinking?  I take you back to the first year of my marriage.  This is when a disturbing behavior of mine was brought to my attention.  I don’t exactly recall the specifics of how it came about, but I quickly gained the nickname “Red Pen” from my husband.  The name was an indication of my constantly correcting everything he did.  You may recall the orange slicing incident from my previous post Celebrating Differences?  He’d also respond to some of my remarks with a simple, “Put the gavel down.”  This was his delicate way of saying I needed to quit unrighteously judging him or the circumstances around me.  In short, I was being unkind as well as a micro-manager.  The latter being an annoying habit for sure, but harmless for the most part.  Or is it?

It turns out that I was increasing the frequency of my “Red Pen” behavior when I was feeling a lack of control over myself.  I didn’t really make the correlation until I was sitting in a therapy session a few years back.  I was confessing to my therapist that I tend to point out all of my husband’s faults and short-comings.  She, being a therapist, immediately recognized this behavior as a sign of my own insecurities.  My insecure nature had already been recognized as the root of a large portion of my struggles so I’m sure this behavior came as no surprise to her.  Then she pulled a typical therapist move on me.  She went and said something I had heard a million times before, but had never internalized or applied it to myself.  Her response to my confession was simple, “You can’t fix yourself by breaking someone else.”  Wait, what?  You can’t?  Because somewhere along the way I subconsciously made this a truth.  If I wasn’t able to feel good about myself, then surely I could make my husband feel worse or bring him down and that would somehow put me up higher, right?  Wrong.

Oh, how sad of a way to behave.  How terrible I felt when I realized that I had been breaking my husband down in a failed attempt to lift myself up.  I took the therapy session to heart and began trying to right my wrongs immediately.  It must have worked successfully because I was just telling my husband about the topic of this post being that you can’t fix yourself by breaking someone else and he promptly responded with, “You don’t do that.”  I had to remind him of our first years of marriage and then he said, “Oh yeah, that happened.”  Unfortunately, the micro-managing sneaks back in to our relationship when I am feeling less than optimal about myself.  Thankfully, it doesn’t escalate in to me trying to break him down or point out all of his flaws, as I’ve learned to reel myself in and see the situation for what it is.

It’s tough to redirect ourselves from these unhealthy behavior patterns that somehow get ingrained in us.  Obviously, nobody taught me this behavior specifically.  I was not pulled aside as a child and told, “You know what would make you feel better about yourself?  Bringing others down.”  But I did have to be directly told to NOT act in that manner.  And what about the other behaviors I mentioned above?  A kid who bullies being an indication that he likes you?  Or is jealous of you?  Huh?  That is an odd way to show your admiration or affection for someone.  What happens to the person that buys in to that way of thinking and ends up in a harmful relationship with someone who treats them in such a manner?

This brings me to my final thought, which leaves me recalling a line from the movie French Kiss.  The main character, Kate, is frustrated with the manner in which the French share their emotions in an opposite fashion to their true feelings and exclaims, “Happy, smile.  Sad, frown.  Use the corresponding face with the corresponding emotion.”  My final thought echoes that of Kate’s: Let’s use the corresponding behavior for the corresponding results.  If you want to feel better, be kinder and better.  If you want to feel love, show love.  Let’s strive to lift one another up in an effort to make the world a happier place rather than bring someone down under the falsehood that we will somehow be lifted higher.  Let us compliment people and magnify their strengths, not their weaknesses.

I learned that bringing my husband down did not make me feel any better about myself.  I must have been disillusioned into thinking so, as I had made a habit of it, but it was not the reality.  I often felt worse about myself, as I was bringing unnecessary contention into our home.  However, lifting him up and lifting others up around me actually does make me feel better about myself.  Joy begets more joy.  I know this to be true because there is more joy, understanding and compassion found in our marriage now than when I was trying to fix myself by breaking him.

May we each begin to recognize the true happiness that is felt within when we lift others rather than break them down.

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Strength and Purpose from Our Trials

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

The topic on my mind this week might be considered a delicate topic by some.  It’s something that I ponder often.  So much so that I suppose it’s no surprise that it compliments a previous post I wrote almost a year ago entitled Finding Happiness Amongst Trials.  I genuinely appreciate trials.  Perhaps not in the midst of the trial itself, but I do strive to find the silver lining even in the moment.  However, today I wanted to speak about finding purpose in the aftermath of our trials.


I was recently writing a piece about my battle with depression and Bi-Polar Type II.  A friend was proofing my work and questioned one of my remarks.  My sentence read, “Thankfully, I’ve learned that each high and low I have faced has strengthened me and equipped me for a healthier future.”  Her comment in the margins was, “Is this honest?  Sounds a bit too good to be true.”  I can answer without hesitation that it is 100% honest.  I abhor the lows of my Bi-Polar Type II.  That is how intensely painful those moments feel to me.  I feel legitimately check-me-in-to-a-mental-facility crazy in my times of darkness.  BUT, when I am able to come up for air and see clearly again, I find I am stronger.  Even more rewarding than seeing those moments through until I am back in the light, is the level of empathy it has provided me.  Prior to this personal struggle of mine, I had zero understanding of the pain and heartache that depression and mental illness can bring upon an individual.  It was not until I was able to experience extreme highs and lows in a short period of time that I was truly able to see how deceiving such an illness can be.  Deceiving in the sense that you will come across someone who seems perfectly happy and fine, but struggles silently with unseen darkness within.  This is why I find it so crucial that we Have a Merciful Heart.  It probably does sound too good to be true that I am able to find the good in such pain.  I didn’t always feel that way.  It’s taken time for me to understand that all of these trials are for my betterment AND that enduring these trials has afforded me the opportunity to be there for others who have or are suffering similarly.

The ability to be there for others is one of the greatest blessings that has come from all of my trials, whether they be big or small.  I just don’t see how enduring through our trials should be an isolated event.  When appropriate, I find that sharing our trials and how we “survived” them helps alleviate others who are going through similar difficult times.  I know I am grateful for the men and women who have been courageous enough to share their trials and tales of perseverance with me.  They have strengthened me.  The one that comes to my mind right now, probably because I am at the tail end of my pregnancy, is a friend of mine who shared her story of being on bed rest.  With my past two pregnancies, I was sentenced to bed rest.  I say “sentenced” because my personality does not thrive in such situations.  My husband always jokes about the irony of how women are more likely to be ordered on bed rest and how they seem to detest it.  He assures me that a man ordered to bed rest would gladly embrace day after day of watching TV and playing video games.  Alas, I digress.  When struggling with being on bed rest, my friend shared her experiences on bed rest.  She had to be flat on her back in a hospital for multiple weeks.  She was not allowed to sit up at all.  She told me that the first meal brought to her hospital room was spaghetti.  “How am I supposed to eat spaghetti laying down?!,” she said laughing.  Then she shared with me how her sister came and shaved her legs while she was bedridden.  She spoke of all the numerous services that were performed on her behalf that she struggled with accepting.  She spoke to my inner struggle at the time.  She encouraged me to graciously accept all the acts of service that I was receiving and not feel guilty about them, as I had been.  How grateful I was for her sharing her trial with me and confirming that I would get through it and soon I would laugh about it all.  And, of course, she was right.  That is just one of countless stories that has brought me peace and hope during a trial.  My prayer is that I have been able to lift another similarly by sharing my own struggles with them.  If for no other reason than lifting another in their time of need, I am grateful for the trials I have endured.

I want to share one last story with you on this matter.  It is the story that I read this week that inspired this topic in the first place.  This is the story of Antoinette Tuff, a 47-year-old bookkeeper at an elementary school in Georgia, and Michael B. Hill, a 20-year-old armed with an AK-47 who entered that same elementary school on August 20, 2013.  Hill encountered Tuff inside the school and Tuff quickly learned that Hill had stopped taking his medications and no longer wanted to live.  Tuff calmly responded to Hill saying, “I thought the same thing.  I tried to commit suicide last year after my husband left me, but look at my now.  I’m working and everything is OK.”  Tuff’s remarks soothed Hill and he relinquished his weapon and not a single person was injured that day.  If you want to read more about Tuff’s story, she wrote a book called Prepared for a Purpose. I have not read the book myself, I read about this story in the February 2014 Costco Connection magazine.  In the magazine article it states that, “Now when Tuff looks back, she sees the struggles of her past in a new and more meaningful light.”

I share her feelings.  It’s not that I enjoy the trials when I’m in the middle of them.  It’s that I’ve learned to appreciate their purpose in my life and perhaps in the lives of those around me.  I have become fully aware of their strengthening powers.  I love how Steve Maraboli puts it in his book Life, the Truth, and Being Free, “Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.”  How true that statement is and how grateful I am for a stronger and more resilient me.

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Having a Merciful Heart

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

I originally posted the following post on Over the Big Moon (OTBM) under the title of Having a Merciful Heart.  As has become my custom during the week prior to the third Sunday, I am featuring a previous OTBM post here in anticipation of my new OTBM post this Sunday.  Normally I wouldn’t do so, but I did do tweaks to this post to make it less holiday focused since it was first published in December 2013.


My Mom battled Ovarian Cancer for five years.  In the latter part of those five years, the battle grew increasingly more difficult.  She was always good to put a smile on about the whole affair.  People would ask her how she was feeling and she would give an optimistic response.  I knew differently.  I recall there was one gentleman at church that would say, “How are you, really?”  I guess he was catching on that my Mom wasn’t offering up her true feelings and state of physical well-being.  It wasn’t that she was trying to lie, I think she just thought it best for everyone if they didn’t worry about her.  I suppose I don’t really know what her purpose was in keeping a strong upper lip on the matter.  As I sit here, I wish I could ask her why she kept so many in the dark.  In some ways, I’ve made a conscious decision to do the opposite, but at the same time my default is to put on that ever-smiling face no matter what.

Since I had never really been a private person, it wasn’t until the darkest time that I battled depression that I even realized I too hid the pain and ugliness.  It just seems that people don’t want to know the real ugly thoughts we each endure.  So, with those thoughts unshared, they become thoughts of shame and grief.    I chuckle recalling my friend’s remarks when I confided in her about my desperate struggle with depression.  She said, “You’re the happiest depressed person I’ve ever met.”  She was not the only person to make comments along these lines.  People would honestly ask me if I was ever in a bad mood.  If only they knew…

Before I go further, let me say that I do not suggest that we should constantly be putting our dirty laundry out, nor carry around a sour disposition, nor spout to all the woes and heartbreak we feel.  I truly believe that constantly feeding negative thoughts begets more negative thinking.  Perhaps that is one of the reasons my Mom kept her times of sorrow private.  She had an attitude of optimism.

In that same breath though, I think it’s important that we allow ourselves to be vulnerable amongst our loved ones.  It’s this misconception that everyone is doing perfectly fine that creates this false feeling to the downtrodden that they are alone in their suffering.  I know that is exactly how I felt when I experienced Postpartum Depression (PPD).  In my eyes, every Mom I had met spoke of an immediate connection with their child and joy beyond compare.  I loved and adored my infant daughter, but I was not experiencing those same feelings that they were describing.  I applaud the first woman who opened up and shared her less-than-positive feelings regarding post childbirth.  It’s that same reason that I have since strived to be open about my own trials.  Since I am, apparently, quite good at hiding my pain during my daily activities, I’ve had to be forward in sharing my true feelings.  Even close friends seem to be baffled when I confess to them that I am barely coping in my daily life.  But, I think it’s important that women, and men, realize that pain and suffering is not set aside just for them individually.  We all must endure and we all must be merciful.

I have had the opportunity to be a listening ear to many women over the past years.  In my efforts to be honest about my challenges, others have felt comfortable in sharing theirs with me.  Some stories included pains I cannot comprehend.  I believe it takes great courage for us to confide in another regarding our deepest suffering.  In my respect for their courage and trust in me, I held their stories private.  But, sadly, I later overheard other women speak unkind words and make judgments regarding these women who had confided in me.  I wanted to shout out, “If only you knew what they were dealing with privately, you would not be so quick to judge.”  So as not to damage the trust that those courageous women had placed in me, I held my tongue.  I simply tried to suggest to the gossiping women that these other women may be dealing with more than they understood.  That experience, more than any other, taught me that we ought not make unrighteous judgments.  Every person has their own story and struggle and rarely, if ever, do we have the whole picture.

I once had the pleasure of spending time with this sweet couple.  The husband was sharing with me how kind-hearted and tender his wife is in everything she does.  He gave the example that even when they’re driving on the road and someone cuts them off, his wife is quick to come up with a myriad of valid reasons as to why the driver did so.  He admitted that he would quickly become agitated until her suggestions of “perhaps they didn’t know it was their turn-off,” “maybe they have a loved one who is ill and needs to get to the hospital,” or simply, “they must be having a hard day” would calm his nerves and change his heart.  When he shared that story, it encouraged me to reconsider people’s unpleasant actions and try to find the unoffensive reasoning behind it.  I once overheard another couple talking about their occasional misunderstandings.  The husband said to his wife, “Whenever I say something, just know that I mean it in the most positive way possible.”  An easy out on his part, but likely true nonetheless.  There are so many ways to interpret actions, aren’t there?  Often we are quick to assume the worst.

What I’m trying to say is let’s be slow to judge, quick to find the positive, and courageous enough to be vulnerable from time to time.  If we but try to bear one another’s burdens and joys with merciful hearts, we will each be blessed with more peace and hope.

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First Friday Find: Roadtrippers

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

Summer is upon us.  My kids have less than a week to go of school and our Summer Bucket List is already proudly placed on our fridge.  While we don’t have any summer road trip plans in the works, I am super excited to share this website and app that I learned about with all of you.  The website is called Roadtrippers.  There is also a free app, available on Android and iPhone, that serves as a companion to the website.


The concept of Roadtrippers is simple: Make going from Point A to Point B more exciting.  For instance, having moved from Southern California to Central Oregon, I have acquired a standby road trip route to visit friends and family.  We’ve made the 15-hour trek a few times, but I have yet to do it with this handy app in my pocket.  I decided to check out the website just now and put in my starting and ending destination.  Having done this drive a few times, I already knew of a few key spots along the way.  The website will plot out most anything you’re hoping to find, such as nature spots, historic sites, attractions, and more.  In doing my usual route through Roadtrippers, I just learned about Castle Crags State Park, which is along the way.  I like that the website even takes me to a page outlining the details of the location and rating it on their Rad-o-meter!  But I think the most helpful feature of all is the “Food + Drink” search.  There are a couple long stretches of road when you ask yourself, “Can we really hold our kids off until the next big city for a food and potty break?”  This website and app seem to be a great service in that manner.

As I am a lover of road trips, Roadtrippers is making me anxious to hit the road and discover something new to be seen!  But, alas, my pregnancy takes priority.  For those of you who do have plans to hit the road this summer, please check out this site and app and let me know if it’s as cool as it sounds.  Happy travels this summer!

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3 Ways to Bring Sunshine to the Soul

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

Don’t you love those times in life when you somehow feel more upbeat or at peace no matter what life is throwing at you?  I’m in one of those happy places right now and I’m trying to analyze every little aspect of my daily actions to see what is making the difference.  I think I’ve deduced that there are three things contributing to my happier demeanor – focusing less on myself, tidying up, and the joy of sunshine!

I tried to word that first one – focusing less on myself – carefully.  At first I wanted to put down “doing service” or “thinking more of others.”  But in reflecting back on my week, I don’t know that I’ve been doing any grand acts of service or even thinking of others more than usual.  I think what it comes down to is that I’ve been trying to focus more on the good in life in general rather than constantly dwelling on my short-comings and undone tasks, which there are plenty of the latter these days.  I think what it comes down to is that I’m trying to embrace Abraham Lincoln’s quote about how, “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”  I’ve struggled with this quote because there are plenty of times that I want to be happy and I think that I’m doing all I can do make it happen and it’s just not happening.  But perhaps it’s not just about making my mind up to be happy, but rather making my mind up to not dwell on the unhappy, or rather, striving to focus less on myself.  When I say focus less on myself, I’m not saying to ignore the personal nourishment that my body, soul, and mind needs.  By focusing less on myself, I mean looking beyond myself and seeing the beauty around me and the opportunities that abound.  It seems to me that focusing less on myself is the way my mind chooses happiness.  This might not be the case for all.  Perhaps it’s worth thinking about this quote and trying to understand what actions need to be taken for your mind to decide to be happy?

The second thing that just made life a little brighter was tidying up some odds and ends around the house.  I still have seven weeks to go in this pregnancy, but my husband is convinced the nesting period has begun.  Last night, as I busily cleaned up clutter and messes that I had let fall by the wayside for too long, my husband was literally chirping and singing some made-up song about what types of twigs and such do I put in my nest.  Just sharing that makes me giggle all over again, which makes me think that perhaps the goodness of my husband ought to be on this list of things that have been bringing sunshine in to my soul.  I say it often, “I married up.”  But, back to the topic at hand, a tidier home just makes for a happier home, does it not?  I’m not saying perfectly tidy, because lets be honest, I am a mother of three.  I have learned that each child produces more clutter and mess.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about the added mess of yet another kiddo.  Comedian, Jim Gaffigan’s, line from his stand-up show Mr. Universe is in the forefront of my mind often these days, “You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid?  Imagine you’re drowning.  Then someone hands you a baby.”  He goes on to say how happy he actually is to have four (now five kids), but that doesn’t take away from the reality that more kids = more chaos.  Perhaps that’s why my efforts to get our current level of chaos better under control helped calm my nerves a little bit.

Lastly, I truly believe my soul just needed some literal sunshine.  While I love the varying seasons here in Oregon, I can certainly tell how my mood responds to a few days of good ol’ sunshine.  The best part is that it rarely gets too hot here.  So the days filled with sunshine are days that seem almost too perfectly beautiful and comfortable to be real.  Yesterday just happened to be one of those days.  We headed down to the river as a family and met up with some friends.  The kids rode their bikes all over the place and threw rocks in the river, while we visited and took in the beautiful sunshine and scenery.  Taking time to enjoy the beauty of the world in which we live and spending time with loved ones just warms the soul.  It’s truly that simple.

So, if for whatever reason, you are having a difficult time feeling the sunshine in your soul, perhaps one of these three pieces of revelation will help brighten your spirit and your day!

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Free Printable Ultimate Summer Bucket List

~ Sara W. ~ 2 Comments

Being that Memorial Day Weekend is the unofficial kick-off to the summer season, I made an exerted effort to finalize our 2014 Summer Bucket List even though my kids still have a couple more weeks of school.  It was a fun process to come up with what I feel is the ultimate summer bucket list.  My list is comprised of items that we did last year along with some items I found on other summer bucket lists.  I went ahead and linked to the original sources in an effort to better explain some of the activities on my list, plus to give credit where credit is due.  I hope this list gets you as excited about summer as it has for me!

  1. Visit a waterfall – Hopefully you’re fortunate enough to have one nearby.
  2. Find and Follow a YouTube Tutorial – I plan to have my girls look up a YouTube Tutorial on how to do Rainbow Loom bracelets.  However, there seem to be countless tutorials on YouTube to help teach your child any number of skills.
  3. Have a Reverse Dinner Night – This is simple enough, just eat dessert first and bask in the glory of being the coolest parent ever (at least for the night).
  4. Take a Full Moon Walk – June 13th, July 12th, and August 10th are your dates for this activity!
  5. Do a Day of Service – Check out my Service Board on Pinterest, if you’re looking for some ideas.
  6. Go Fishing
  7. Celebrate a “National” Holiday – I’m using the word “national” loosely.  This one is referring to the sillier national holidays; such as National Doughnut Day on June 6, National Ice Cream Day on July 20, or National Watermelon Day on August 3.
  8. Do Letter Boxing or Geocaching – I snagged a couple activities from a post I found on Inner Child Fun’s website titled 20 Favorite Must-Do Activities for Summer.  Geocaching is #13 on her list.  You can also get more information here about Letter Boxing, which is quite similar.
  9. Attend a County Fair
  10. Watch a Movie Outdoors – This may mean a Drive-In Movie for some.  However, last summer we hosted this activity in our backyard.  Thanks to the help of one friend’s projector and another friend’s sound system, we were able to show Wreck-It Ralph.  The problem though with living in the Northwest is that it stays light so late in to the evening.  Regardless, it sure made for a fun night!
  11. Participate in a Reading Program – I actually plan to get my kids signed up in a couple summer reading programs this year.  We have one at our local library, but I also learned that Barnes & Noble has a great one for the summer as well!
  12. Have a Water Balloon Fight
  13. Go on a Picnic
  14. Make a Popsicle Stick Puzzle – check out Love and Laundry’s awesome example!
  15. Have a Family/Friends Game Night
  16. Go Bowling
  17. Host a Minute to Win It Night
  18. Go Camping in the Backyard

  19. Have a Spongeball Toss – I’ve seen this called Spongeball Toss, but Inner Child Fun refers to them as Sponge Bombs (#3) on her 20 Favorite Must-Do Activities for Summer.
  20. Go on a Bike Ride
  21. Wash the Car
  22. Stargaze
  23. Help in the Yard
  24. Have a Lemonade Stand
  25. Play Glow Stick Horseshoes – I found this cool activity posted by one of Design Dazzle‘s contributors, Jamie from C.R.A.F.T., titled Summer Camp: Glow In The Dark Ring Toss
  26. Do Sidewalk Chalk Drawings
  27. Write and Illustrate a Story
  28. Host a Talent Show – Check out one of my previous posts, The Power of a Bucket List, to see how much fun this activity was for our friends and family last summer.
  29. Complete a Jigsaw Puzzle
  30. Get a Manicure and Pedicure
  31. Read A Book, Then Watch the Movie – This post on Andrea’s Notebook is perfect to make your search easier for the right book-movie.
  32. Pick a Craft to Make and Make It!
  33. Go Swimming

  34. Eat a Snow Cone
  35. Have a BBQ with Friends
  36. Watch Fireworks on July 4th
  37. Attend a Farmer’s Market or Festival
  38. Play with Mega-Bubbles – Inner Child Fun’s post 20 Favorite Must-Do Activities for Summer teaches you all about how to make this activity possible.  Check out #7 for the 4-1-1 on Mega Bubbles.
  39. Read a Book in the Shade of a Tree
  40. Make a Pool Noodle Race Track – Another great source of ideas came from the article on Buzz Feed titled 33 Activities Under $10 That Will Keep Your Kids Busy All Summer.  Number 32 on their list shows you how to make a pool noodle race track.
  41. Play Balloon Ping Pong – This activity is #25 on the same Buzz Feed article mentioned above.
  42. Make a Backyard Obstacle Course – While this is #33 on the Buzz Feed article, I think this one is best left up to your imagination!
  43. Go on a Scavenger Hunt
  44. Do a Science Experiment – I have this one on my list since my eldest is a lover of science.  I didn’t have anything particular in mind, but just last night I stumbled across this way cool link on Pinterest from Growing a Jeweled Rose, which shares cool summer science experiments for kids!
  45. Make a Painters Tape Spider Web – Here’s the last one I snagged off of the 33 Activities Under $10 That Will Keep Your Kids Busy All Summer.  It’s #26 on their list.
  46. Write and Mail a Letter to Someone
  47. Play Hide and Go Seek
  48. Fly a Kite

  49. Go on a Date with Dad
  50. Play Charades or Pictionary
If you want a cute and handy little print out to put up somewhere in your home of all of these awesome activities above, download The Ultimate Summer Bucket List.  It’s FREE!  I put it together so that I could reference it easily when the kids start to say they’re bored or I feel like I’m losing my mind, which will likely be happening the moment school is out!

May this be your best summer yet!

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3 Things That I Want My Kids to Know

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

Over the past few months, I have felt at odds with myself and my role as a mom.  I’ve felt inadequate to say the very least.  I realized that it was particularly bad recently when I ended each day feeling heartbroken over my behavior for that given day.  As it came time to say my bedtime prayers, I found myself asking for forgiveness for countless moments of impatience and ingratitude that had occurred in the course of my day.  Then it seemed the very next day would be filled again with my poor attitude, which would result in moments of unnecessary frustration with my kids.  I was beginning to panic a little bit, as I felt their childhood slipping through my fingers and visualized their memories being only that of an impatient mom.  I began to feel guilty for not embracing this precious time more fully and joyfully.  Of course, then they would drive me crazy by doing any number of the things that kids do and I would lose my cool again.  It is a sick cycle, is it not?


I’ve read so many articles and posts about how I need to cherish this time in their lives and then I get in a tizzy over not spending every waking moment glorying in their every move.  Then I’ll read an article about how it’s okay to have shortcomings as a parent and take time for myself and so on.  I feel like there is this pressure put on me to feel certain things before the moment has passed.  But it’s almost as though the pressure of being happy in every moment is taking away from the moment in and of itself.  I think what I’m trying to say is, the role of parent has required the most stretching and testing of my character than any other role I have had or performed.  In this sense, my children have been my teachers, as they are surely the ones passing out the tests to me.  Therefore, if I am to learn and grow from them, then shouldn’t I have moments of pain and frustration with them?  Isn’t it okay for me to not shout for joy every time they enter the room?  There is a reason we have the term “growing pains” for when our bones and muscles begin to stretch in a way that is beyond our comfort level.  Looking at my role in our family in this new light gives me greater peace for those moments where I honestly just don’t want to be touched or hung on, nor do I want to decide what’s for the next meal while I’m still preparing the current meal, nor do I want to fight with my kids over their need to pick up their toys.  I just don’t want to do those parts and that’s okay.  Nobody wants growing pains either, but we endure those parts for the glorious moment when we come through taller and stronger.  I’m willing to do all the hard parts, I just don’t feel like I should have to sing from the mountain tops over those moments either to have truly cherished their childhood.

That all being said, and boy was that more than I had planned for my intro, I wanted to write an open letter to my kids to share with them (and all of you) the three things that I want my kids to know.  I feel like my knowledge of these three truths, along with my growing understanding of my role as a parent, and their joint knowledge of these truths will help us all be a stronger family unit.

To My Extraordinary Children ~

I’ve given it some thought and I feel like if you know these three truths, then most everything else that you need to know for a healthy successful life will follow suit.

First, I want you to know that you are a child of a loving Heavenly Father who wants what is best for you so that you may return to His presence.  So many good and wonderful principles fall in line if you ponder this truth.  The greatest thing you stand to learn though by having this knowledge is that you are of great worth.  I spent so many years not understanding my worth.  In fact, I still struggle to comprehend what it means to be a daughter of God.  I get caught up in the world sometimes and think that somehow I am less of a person because I am not more like someone else who has succeeded in a particular fashion.  Don’t get caught up in the world, my sweet children, get caught up in the scriptures, in prayer and the goodness of your Savior, Jesus Christ, and your Heavenly Father.

Second, I, your Mommy, make lots and lots of mistakes.  Sometimes I may express to you that I am disappointed in your behavior, but I am often disappointed in my own behavior as well.  It may seem that I’m really hard on you.  In fact, sometimes, I may be too hard on you based on the situation.  It’s because your Mommy is not perfect.  None of us are.  Parents aren’t always good about pointing out their own faults or admitting when they’re wrong.  It’s a pride thing that you’ll understand more about when you’re older.  But I want you to know that I goof up, daily.  Sometimes I wish I could just be the perfect Mom for you guys, but I think maybe it’s our imperfections that makes us all so good for one another.  That’s how we grow and learn to become better.  Be patient with me, as you have so far, your Mommy makes mistakes.

Lastly, you are loved beyond comprehension by your Mommy and Daddy.  I know Daddy feels the same amount of immeasurable love that I do for you all, but I’ll speak for myself here.  I love you more than I can put in to words.  Each of you are a gift that I cannot fully believe that I am worthy of having in my life.  I’m trying to do a better job at showing my love for you.  As a result, I’ve been trying to put my phone down more and watch your simple interactions with the world around you, I’m trying to pray more for patience so that I can have less of those regretful moments where I lose my cool, I’m trying to make sure we read scriptures more so that I can reiterate that first truth that I want you to know, I do all these things because I love you and I want you to know of that love and never doubt it.

Now, I should warn you, knowing these three things will not make life perfect and easy.  That’s actually why I wanted you to know the second item about Mommy making mistakes.  Mistakes and mishaps happen, but because you are a child of God and your Daddy and I will do all that we can to raise you in a loving home, then you’ll have the tools to move forward and hopefully create your own family that will bring you as much joy as each of you brings to your Dad and I.

My heart is so full of gratitude for each of you.  I am sorry for all of the times that I have acted out of frustration and I appreciate all the times you have forgiven me.  You three are such great teachers and I’m sure your little brother or sister who is on the way will be no different.  I cherish and love you all so very much!

All My Heart,
Mommy

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Anniversary Giveaway – Anchor Locket Necklace

~ Sara W. ~ 4 Comments

This Friday, May 23, marks one year since my first post here on First You Must Begin!  I have been planning this giveaway for a few months now and I am so excited that it’s finally here!  Although, I will admit, I kind of want to keep the prize for myself.


Thanks goes out to Deadly Romantic for providing this beautiful handmade Anchor Locket Necklace.  I just love lockets and this one is particularly beautiful!  Deadly Romantic can currently be found on Etsy, but I know her official website is in the works.  You can count on a future First Friday Find, as soon as her website has the jewelry collection up for sale!

Since this giveaway is to celebrate First You Must Begin’s one year anniversary, I thought it would be fun to enter the giveaway by sharing which post you enjoyed the most during this past year.  If you feel so inclined to share our website with your friends, like us on Facebook, or pin one of our images, all the better!  You may enter anytime between now and 11:59 PM PDT on Friday, May 23.  Winner will be chosen on Saturday, May 24.

Thanks for all of your support this past year! a Rafflecopter giveaway

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The Unlikely Perfectionist

~ Sara W. ~ 1 Comment

I have the privilege of contributing on Over The Big Moon each third Sunday.  I decided to publish a post of mine, each week preceding the third Sunday, that was originally featured on Over The Big Moon.  I was actually quite excited to re-read this post, as I had forgotten the little bits of wisdom I had gained from the book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Areby Brene Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W. mentioned in this post.  I hope you get as much enlightenment as I did when I learned about the unlikely perfectionist.


During my senior year of high school, my BFF and I were both in the same ceramics class.  Every couple weeks, our teacher would give us a new assignment. I would produce a ceramic piece that fit the assigned criteria and call it a day.  My friend would carefully create a masterpiece.  She would perfect her artwork daily.  As a result, she would be behind on the projects we were assigned.  I recall our teacher walking by our table and commenting on how my friend did not need to keep up with the assignments since she was clearly still productive in class.  Looking back, I think about how inspired our teacher was to recognize that productivity is the goal, in whatever form that means to each of us, not quantity.  She and I each went about our work in polar opposite ways but we both got an A in the course.  Watching my BFF that semester was the year that I realized that I was not a perfectionist.  I held on to that truth, and felt grateful in it, for quite some time.  It seemed like tough work to be a perfectionist.  In my eyes, it seemed like the perfectionist was so hard on themselves.  Then, one day I realized that not only am I a perfectionist, I’m the worst kind there is.

That day of discovery was a few years ago in one of those eye-opening therapy sessions. The conversation started as an “I don’t have any passion or hobbies” topic and then it turned in to a discussion as to why that is.  I must have then given my therapist a laundry list of reasons why I don’t nurture the activities that I enjoy the most.  For example, while I very much enjoy writing, I was not actively engaging in that hobby or passion at the time.  I told her this was because I’m really not that good at it.  In case she had a rebuttal for that, I continued that I don’t write because there is nothing new that I have to share that the world hasn’t already heard.  And just in case that was not enough for her to be convinced that writing is a hopeless cause for me, I told her that even IF there is something I know that’s worth writing about, someone else has already said it better.  I was certain the case was closed and she would see it my way.  I have no hobbies and therefore I am a loser (and, yes, this is the thought process my primitive mind takes).  Her response, “You’re a perfectionist.”  My response, “Um.  No, I’m not.  Perfectionists do stuff over and over PERFECTING the art until it suits their expectations.”  I know, I saw my BFF do it in ceramics with her projects.  SHE is a perfectionist.  Not me.  However, as with most everything learned in therapy, my therapist was right.  I am a perfectionist.  She explained that I’m the perfectionist that is SO worried about it being perfect that I don’t even try.  If I can’t do it perfectly, then why do it at all?  This knowledge opened my eyes to so many opportunities lost because I simply felt that I had nothing to offer that would be good enough.  Even in times where I was assigned to do something, I wouldn’t try to excel at it, because there would always be my BFF who had a better project in front of me.  Of course it’s not the productive perfectionist’s fault that I don’t even attempt it, it’s a setback I’ve placed upon myself.

The best part of this story is that the BFF and I are still the best of friends AND we both have hung on to some of our ceramic pieces from that class.  I’ll let you figure out whose is whose.

I recently read this book called The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Areby Brene Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W..  The book speaks perfectly, pun intended, on the matter of perfectionism and all of it’s effects.  Perfectionism can lead to depression, anxiety, addiction, and, in my case, life-paralysis.  Life-paralysis, as noted by Brown, “refers to all of the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out in the world that could be imperfect.  It’s also all of the dreams that we don’t follow because of our deep fear of failing, making mistakes, and disappointing others.  It’s terrifying to risk when you’re a perfectionist; your self-worth is on the line.”  And there it is, the answer to why I don’t want to try: If I fail, then I’ve deduced that I’m a failure.  My self-worth is shattered.

You know the saying, “It’s better to have tried and not succeeded, then never to try at all.”?  I never agreed with it.  I still struggle with it.  For me, it’s easier to just not try.  In my mind it saves me from pain.  If I don’t try it, then I’m “safe.”  I’m not a failure because I didn’t fail at anything.  If I try and it doesn’t work, then, in my eyes, I’ve become the failure.

It’s not a healthy way to be, but, sadly, it’s been my way for years.  It’s hard to refrain from quoting the entire section on perfectionism from Brown’s book, but I wanted to share one last thought of hers that I plan to use when I need little reminders, “Healthy striving is self-focused – How can I improve?  Perfectionism is other-focused – What will they think?”  This thought has left me wondering if my BFF is even a perfectionist at all.  She seems to always accomplish projects for her own edification.  As a result, she produces amazing things because she has never been afraid to try and practice.

Only in the past year have I allowed myself to write and share my more vulnerable thoughts at the risk of people seeing my insecurities and imperfect writing.  It’s taken a lot of supportive friends and family to help remind me that my self-worth is not based on what I produce or achieve, it’s based on being me and allowing myself to be loved just as I am.  Without that support, I would have never started this blog.  The whole premise of my blog is to simply begin achieving whatever it is you long for, whether it be a passion, a goal, or a healthier way of life.  For the unlikely perfectionist, beginning is often the hardest part.

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Breaking Through Boredom

~ Sara W. ~ Leave a comment

Another post later in the week due to another beautiful girl’s birthday taking place.  My second oldest is as kind and precious as her picture conveys.  Celebrating her birthday was a nice pick-me-up amid a rather tough week.  This pregnancy has given my emotions a whirlwind of a ride and I’m about ready to get off.


I saw a “Bored Board” pinned on Pinterest and I had to pin it in my Helpful Tips Board, not my Kids Board.  The reason being that I have been bored.  It’s not that I don’t have a laundry list of things I should be doing, I just have zero interest or motivation to do them.  Even some of the fun things I enjoy or seek out as my time-wasters, Facebook and Pinterest, are of little interest to me.  I am bored.  That’s why the “Bored Board” was so intriguing to me.  The original source that I have found for the “Bored Board” is on a blog called Grateful for the Ride.

I’ve had to force myself to do some of these items this week just to hold on to my sanity.  I think that’s what made my daughter’s birthday such a fun day was that I really got to put the “Bored Board” into practice.  I was able to…

Be creative with her birthday cake…

Enjoy Outside play while we flew kites…

Read this darling children’s book to the birthday girl’s class called What Animals Really Like…

and Did something helpful by…um…WAIT!  Isn’t my whole role as a Mom to be doing something helpful?  I’m pretty sure I could put a lot down for the letter ‘D.’  You may be asking yourself, “Sara, what about the letter ‘E’ for exercise?”  Yeah, that one has kind of eluded me lately.  Having had two preemie babies, I do what I can to keep a baby in me for as long as possible.  Twenty minutes of exercise isn’t conducive to that goal.  Although, I’m sure my body could stand a 20 minute walk around the neighborhood.  However, I feel like just running errands with a toddler in tow should count as an exercise.  I know I have to exercise a lot of patience to survive it.

So, there you have it.  I’m still battling the feelings of boredom, but applying the “Bored Board” really did help break up the doldrums.  What do you do to break through the boredom?

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